zHeN...

Colourful Life

2009-04-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

Dance has become part of my life. Its my passion. Its my style. Its my way of living!

Butiful butterfly

2009-04-17T22:01:00.001+08:00

Slacking at home right now. I will do my best and show you what i've got.

My hear still ache

2006-09-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

Humm i have created a new bloggie so the address is www.ourlovestory91.blogspot.com

I will not update her anymore so.. if u all wanna know what i have been doin or abt me just read my new bloggie alright? hehez

So.. thats all

Goodnight everyone

2006-09-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

Warning!!!

I created a new bloggie.. so i will update there more bahz

You know what if you will be unhappy reading my blog then dun go read it

Well well.. so let me talk abt yesterday

Humm.. in the morning i went to take the physics test

It was prety simple still can manage

Then later on in the afternoon i went to dad's shop to help out or sth

Then at around 5 i went to meet my friends coz we wont he video competition.. we got 2nd and we gonna have fun at marina bay.. to eat steam boat ect ect..

I did have fun and we were laughing like hell trying to imitate xin's the laughter and to sing and crack jokes..lolx..

We ate lots of stuffs and for that day jamie was my princess i kept helping her cook and to feed her and she feed me too.. mina lso feed linh xin and hui fong ect ect.. hui fong and yi jie kept helping madam lim to cook stuffs and especially the FLYING prawns and crabs.. guessed they will noe what i meant ya?? hahaz..i did have agreat time but i burnt my hand accidentally then now got shui pao le.. kinda pain but its worth it coz i had fun

Its nice to be with my friends.. especially the three of them.. we were making lots of noise lor.. then we even imitated the fei yu qing sing.. then we imitated how he will sounds like when the radio jam hahaz..

Yi jie beri nice coz he helped me ba xia..coz i dunno how to do it.. and the oil kept splashing so he offered to stand infront of me.. he's a gentleman like hui fong too.. jason and diyao were just laughin at me especially when i say ai xin zao can lor ..diaoz.. but we were having a great time yeah?... hui fong and min feed each other then madam lim so extra lor.. friend friend wei each iother she also wanna suan .. she even suan me and di yao too.. but i guessed i did seem a little unhappy when she say stuffs abt me but actually i am not totally unhappy just because and after her words.. is that the place got lots of memories.. the details i dun wanna elaborate..

Just that remember me telling u all i felt like a princess before coz on my birthday .. i just sat there and dun even need to move.. coz wadeva i wanna eat someone will help me peel and help me cook .. and even feed me.. drinks were there everything was just repared for me.. i just have to open my mouth and eat.. hahaz.. it was at the same place too.. actually there did have a lot of precious memories bahz but i neber really mind going there ..

Yesterday chatted with my friend a while at night.. i guess my friend thought i went there to recall stuffs but i am not that emotional ..no more... for what go there again to think over the pasts.. past is past.. if u choose to give it up.. u know wad i mean.. coz i meant really over..so dun think too much..

Then i did some practises on chinese last night coz i was too full to fall alseep haha

Todae i went out with zhen...

Had a nice day coz we were suppose to study but we ended up talking and eating!! haha... we had chocolate waffle ahz.. then peach smoothie yummy!! kinda love the times with her.. coz we understand each other.. in the sense i know her and she knows how i feel without me telling her everything.. when i am sad she knows when to just let me be alone and when its time to give me advice.. so that i will hear.. and not break down.. todae ne is i give her advice haha... zhen ah.. hope that our frenship will not end after we leave school le worx lolx

Though friends do quarrel and have unhappy pasts no matter what there will be happie memories and fun moments.. like in a relationships.. but dun always go think of negative sides.. thats what i learnt.. coz if its over.. it will jsut be over if its urs no matter how others feel or say .. it will eventually come back to u even if u dun go think or do a single thing. ... true huh?

So me and zhen walked to NP.. the same path .. haahz.. always when we walk there sure is talking abt xin shi de..

Got to my dad de shop to JIAN FEI!!! hahaz

Ate mooncake.. stayed there a while and now i am back at home le!!

hehez.. life has been pretty busy lately.. at times felt like breaking down and just be alone.. i mean really alone like no one there and just me myself to think over stuffs and just find a way to compromise and to put everything back into pieces so i really know why i am working so hard.. or wad i wanna achieve and wad i really desire.. now?? its probably my A for my chinese.. i hate ppl to look down on me.. that is how i got my results for my chi in my psle.. thats also the only way to make me buck up...even if i cannot get the A i just will try my best so i will have no regrets... i swear to do well ..

So i go practice my chinese le bahz.. last min work.. coz next tues got prelim.. hahaz

K la.. bye!!

~ I am neber lost without you.. nth is what it seems to be.. its lost in the tide..~

2006-09-05T19:51:00.000+08:00

Speak no evil
Listen to my heart
I am leaving the memories behind
You and me
Everything
The truth is i dun even bear to say goodbye to the memories
Thats why i am leaving this blog
But i cannot bear to delete it

The password remains unchange
Let this be the only thing i can look back
I lost everything
The ring,the bracelet
Everything is gone

The precious moment are lost in the tide
Nothing.. is left

Now i cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing
Because of you

For hating you i blame myself
Goodbye Forever

All i needed was a space to let me be free
Is that too much?
I am sorry

2006-09-04T19:44:00.000+08:00

Am i suppose to leave you now? When You're looking like that

I can't believe i just gave away now i can't take it back

Am i suppose to walk on by?

I dun wanna get lost
I dun wanna live my life without you
I dun wanna forget you
I dun even wanna try

Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

Sorry coz i failed to love you

Its so cold outside like the way i am feeling inside

Last christmas i gave you my heart but the beri next day you gave it away. This year to save me from tears i gave it to someone special

Its been such a
Beautiful Disaster

And i have been such a fool

Because of you
I'm searching for some kind of miracle

Because of you
I tried my hardest just to foget everything
I learn the hard way to neber let it get that far

They say
There's one in this world for everyone
One heart, One soul to walk beside you
One in this life to share your love
One touch to touch the hear inside you

If only you were the one for me

I'm always laughing when its not cool to smile
I forgot where i am going
I am arriving coz everyone's leaving
And there you are waiting , something is wrong

Makes no sense to me, no it isn't clear somehow you're standing here ..
Something gets to me its like nothing is wrong

You'll neber know how much i have been there for you
I'll promise you eternity if you promise me you'll stay
But its a little too late

Coz you know you did it i'm gone to look for someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that i gotta burn
You're wrong if you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you coming back when i'm already gone

I once thought..

I'll always be there for you

I dun want to let go , dun wanna runaway
I dun wanna be alone

No promises

I need to hold you tight
Now and forever

You're the one i need

But its over babe

All the miles are separated, disappear
I'm

Here without you babe

And i guessed its better off that way

Dun take away my love

2006-09-04T13:17:00.000+08:00

Damn.. now my sun burn's getting worst

Metamorphosis

Like a snake like that.. shedding skin

The worst thing is i lost my skin colour!! its so tanned now!! ahh!!! sobx

I used to like my skin colour coz its not too fair and not too dark still acceptable ..normal lor..now its like soooo dark!! especially my arms and now my face.. i just feel like hiding and staying at home le bahz..lolx.. coz its shedding skin now..then look like got skin disease like that..half of the face is okay the other half is shedding skin.. wth

I hope my new skin cells can faster grow sia.. hope to get rid of the chao da old skin.. haiz..

Sianz.. went out wanna have fun in the end i lost sth and even got myself into such a pathetic state.. cannot go out ..especially if have to walk under the sun again

I hope my old skin can faster be peeled off.. coz now its like wana drop off but neber then feel so..uncomfortable.. i dun dare to peel it off coz my dad say later will be worst...

Haiz apart from that my life recently is okay bahz

Yesterday went to my dads shop

Then on the way home saw jun siang they all ..

Just said hi then bye lor.. diaoz hahaz

Hi-bye friend is better than to be strangers

okay for now i gotta stay at home coz of my face .. i think will scare ppl off bahz.. like monster like that.. skin weird weird de half face ok the other looks like gonna shed skin then neber shed that kind.. please just let me shed skin and grow new skin !! lolx.. coz i wanna go out.. now felt o bored.. coz of my face i cannot go to my dad shop and not even to accompany min and linh go cut hair.. as for xin as usual she went to meet seet.. kinda getting far apart from her nowadays

Coz everytime hao bu rong yi me and linh and min can go out together she is always meeting seet.. coz i think she is afraid he will be angry bahz..coz everyday meet if one day neber meet will bu xi guan.. but the three of us also neber felt angry or sth just sometimes disappointed coz we thought it will be good if we four can go out TOGETHER its been sometime le bahz.. we hardly even talk after school... i meant the four of us together.. nowadays always we three..haiz.. but what can we do... morever even if xin can go out if he is angry she will not be happy also then go out also will pull a long face.. i still remember me and xin went out then xin tell me he not happy.. i guess she is suppose to meet him or sth.. i dunno.. then her face turn black when we were joking at first.... then we both like also not beri happie .. she is afraid him of being angry for me is.. i feel its like not everyday i got the chance to go out with my best friend.. can't she just have fun and joke around me me like she always do.. haiz.. then always will end up with us pulling long faces.. i still remember my birthday.. its my birthday lor.. in the end xin also not happyat sembawang when we were abt to watch the movie.. for the details i dun elaborate le bahz..

But as long as xin is happy then can le bahz... thats why we three also neber really say anything in front of her.. coz we really wish she can come along if one day she can go out we three will be damn happy..coz kinda missed her laughters and with her.. we haben even went out ..the four of us after linh came back lor.. which is many months liaoz...me and xin and min sure will crack jokes and be beri high again.. then linh will say we crazy again if we are togetherhahaz

Seet wil be angry if he read this bahz.. but that is how we really felt.. if u feel angry i can only say sorry..but then we really hope xin can accompany us at least for once a month or sth.. best friends do the stupiest things together... but it all needs time for us to have fun

Anyway.. i go dl songs le hehez.. buaiz

gotta tell you.. dun wanna love u when u dun love me.. dun wanan need u when u won't need me too

2006-09-03T07:38:00.000+08:00

humm i am just here to explain things.. to kaiser.. i dunno who he is but i am not angry with his words just wanna tell u sth ..

One thing.. i am scared of losing hold of him but i no longer feel so coz i already lost him
Thats the reason why we always quarrel too

But you know sth.. once u got hurt coz of the person.. it is hard to let him into ur life like nth had happen before.. no matter what.. there will still be a scar.. and the more painful if he leaves again..to lose him a second time

And if i dun even bother abt him.. and if he isn't impt to me.. i will not need to scared he will leave me.. i wil just hack care if he just walk out of my life

Next thing i admit i still like him and i am sorry if u think i am pushing the blame to him.. i know it is unfair of how i write how bad he is ect ect... but that is my way of lying to myself..telling myself how bad he is.... i hope u noe what i mean

By telling myself how bad he is.. maybe i will forget faster bahz.. i really hate crying for him in the middle of the night again and goin to places we used to go alone

Last thing.. if u feel offended reading my blog.. then dun go read it.. i have no one to tell to how i really feel.. coz everyone thought i was really fine.. i was really alright.. can i ask u sth.. can u forget a person u liked for abt 1 yr plus in within a week?... if u can .. please teach me...

I only have my blog to express my feelings.. and i have neber ever invite ppl to go read my blog.. if u were to read it then pls dun comment it when u noe nth abt how i really feel... u noe nth.. nth at all....u are not me.. u will neber noe how hurt i feel or wadsoeva..

I will end here le.. if u are offended and feel its unfair to him i can delete my entire blog.. coz this blog address was created to write OURSTORY .. since this story has ended there is no point having this address again..

anyway sorry.. though its no cure but i guess that is what i can say to u and him..

~ nobody knows how i really feel.. ~
~ from the bottom of my broken heart ~
~ Gone.... ~

When you're looking like that

2006-09-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

Hihi!! I trying to find a song but till now i still wasn't able to find it but its okay

Next thing ... i am so tanned now!!! damn ... now i even got sun burn !!! ahh!! i missed my much fairer skin before.. now even my shoulder is tanned .. in the past i used to like my broad shoulder now i hate it lolx.. now it is broad but tanned.. SOBX

Haiz.. regretted not applying sunblock ..!!!!

Now my hand and face ache like hell.. then todae when i went out with min and linh right.. i cannot even smile to wide at first... coz its so pain lor like my skin's cracking and peeling off... sob..

I am applying as much moisturising and whitening lotion to my hand and face... hope a least can help a little.. haiz...

Anyway we had a great time shopping together hehez.. linh and min bought lots of stuffs for me.. just bought lots of stuffs to EAT!! hahaz

K la i admit i love eating thats why my shape is so.. round!! haha

But thats me.. neber try to change me huh

hehez

Life is better without you

Coz no more sufferings of heartache and crying

Really love the times with my friends.. todae i kept imitaing linh de action haha .. then min was laughing like hell.. coz linh almost fall when the train stops and i imitated that action too...

Then later on coz i tease linh then she say wanna show min sth i stil blurr de then i remember.. OMG!!!! she took a funny pic of me when i was tryiin a old lady's specs.. for fun and she shot a pic of me!!! she showed min in the end and they both were laughing all the way so loudly in the train.. well i laughed with them too hahaz.. coz that was really quite funny..hehez

We walked till our leg ache ...then we went home ... me and min bought smoothie at EACH A CUP.. then we went home

Now i am just using com to chat lor.. my friend message and asked me if i got long nails.. diaoz.. well actually its been sometime since i last cut them haha.. coz that time i ask him where is linh and min and xin then i poke him to call him ma... then he say beri pain.. diaoz.. sry lor... lolx

Okay .. now i wanna go find a song le.. buaiz!!!

I miss ya.. but not to who u think i may be referring to..

BYE!!!! *bleah

Seen through everything

2006-09-02T08:25:00.000+08:00

Well yesterday i said the wrong things at the wrong time with the wrong person at the same old place.. its just coz i want to see the person's reaction coz all i needed was the truth

Well, i did get the truth

I dunno what u're after, its been such a beautiful diaster
I am sorry i tested you last night but i just dun wanna hear lies i only want your words,true to ur heart.. and your feelings at that time..

If only we could hold on to the tears and the laughter but its a little too late for us to say anything

If only i had neber taken part in the video competition two years ago i will neber had known you

If only i did not choose mediatech

If only i did not invite you to my birthday party a year ago and start talking to you coz we were doing the same duty

If only you neber told me the yz was all along me and u were just trying to get close through my friends

If only i wasn't the trainer and was suppose to train the sec ones last year with you

If only you weren't the chairman before

If only i had said nothing when you told me you will neber bully me when i was buying my dads birthday cake last year

If only everything was still the way it is

If only i had neber know you
Things will be better?

I will not have to see my loved one with some other gerl and i still had to fake a smile some time ago.. i know all along you kept everything coz when i see those things and even the little heart that has rusted u still kept it.. even though we were broken up.. y0u told me all along was me but u're jealous when i talk abt him..i can even see from ur face when me and ym hold hands and walked into the mac... we still went out to the playground and sat down there even though we both kept quiet though i knew it was wrong coz u no longer belong to me thats why when u wanted to hold me .. i told u neber hug me when u are with someone else..... sometimes i really pictured i could bring back time so i will not have to know you.. maybe i will still be happy with someone else because he is the one there for me when i was down and still the old me coz he accepted the way i was .. neber try to change me and my feelings

Confused coz everything i believe in seems untrue

I set you free..

The other time i was the one holding on and stucked there waiting for a miracle

This time round i seen through everything sorry for testing you last night but actually i have no intention of being with u again hope u understand i just wanna see ur reaction coz long ago my heart is numb.. even when i lost the ring and bracelet i was neber too anxious to find it..i did pull a long face because i was thinking why the hell i am waiting for in the first place.. what i am expecting from u when i told u i will love u like its the last night on earth and so wad if i found the ring its no longer gonna be the same.. like its neber the same though u came back to me or rather i neber have tried to find it coz i noe its impossible to get it back since its gone

If i ever need someone to come along i dun wanna it to be you.. no more

You were neber there when i was down
You dun even know how to care for a person
You dun even know what it means by a promise and a vow
Saying i love u a thousand times anyone can do it.. i can even tell anyone i love him a lot a lot till the day i die but its does not mean that i really meant what i say ...
Actions speaks louder than words
You're three words long ago already lost its attraction from me

You feel nth ,nth at all and so do i

Looking into the past just made me feel like i was such a fool to believe that i can actually love u foreva when i dun even noe the definition of love

I am too young to understand that..

Its just not wanting to admit defeat to her not that i cannot let go

Thats what i realised right from the start

Love?? maybe its just seeing someone is pretty or good looking at this age.. coz someone who dun even know you can woo you and say its love at first sight.. dun say u love me when u dun even noe me

And i realised sth beri funny

The more u cannot get sth, the more u will want it and when u get the person's love u will not cherished it anymore

I hurt him You hurt me she hurt you he hurt her

Is that the vicious cycle going on and on

can't people learn to cherish things and people around them .. maybe its only when u have lost sth then u realised how impt it is to u unless u really feel nth..nth at all

Just dun get it what it meant by I LOVE YOU

Its just a burden and responsibility .. too complicated

So now.. GETAWAY

Clarke quay.. our story

2006-09-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

yEw zHeN's tired and feeling down.. she lost sth impt to her when she was in the water,she just can't find it in the water..the sea's so wide.. I hate myself for losing everything.. my ring and it..

Maybe thats all destined

At the air port... he said its all fated.. and ya we are fated to meet so we can know that actually we are not suitable for each other

I hate you

I just wanna die in your arms,here tonight

2006-08-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

Elloha.. yawn so tired.. i just came home..

Tml is teachers day.. HAPPY TEACHER"S DAY!!

So well todae is the celebration and we got some performances in the hall.. i was on duty so i was in the control room

Anyway i did not really enjoy doin my duty nowadays.. coz like i say the fun wasn't there anymore and todae that suzanne tan like "chi le huo yao" for just diyanah de mp3 she shouted at me and zhen.. wth

Then for no reason tell me i put u incharge here then now i have to help u ..i dun care u all settle urself.. thats what she said..

But she help = yue bang yue mang only... since she put me as the ic doin the mixer then she shld just keep quiet and getaway lorx.. coz we were also doin our jobs then she just scold us for nth.. say we neber concentrate and neber do our work.. she cock eye is it.. neber see we were controling the mixer.. arhhhhh!! Then still remind us that we are the chair and vice chair.. who cares abt ur rank lor..as long as i do my job can le so just shut up la okay.. dun anyhow scold us when we were still doin our work lor.. diaoz ..

But overall the performance was nice.. and went smoothly except for the video that has a bad quality coz i guess they neber use external mike then the recorind rite..the sound beri soft then when we on louder the volume we will hear funny funny noises and hear feedbacks.. in the end we just played the song tracks up in the control rm ..

I liked the performance by the malay seniors and by some of the sec threes.. their skit and dance was beri beri nice... so funky... cute and cool.. lolx

So overall, i did enjoy the performance and my brother..his friends ect ect also went back to school to visit the teachers.. hahaz

After the whole event ended me and linh went home to change before we went to my dad de shop .. then we went to bugis.. we shopped for a long time ..walked here and there .. try on lots of stuffs ..till my leg just ache like hell lor..lolx..

I bought a hair band and a ear ring.. and some delicious traditional bread home for my family.. beri nice lor the bread.. beri sweet and smell so nice!! hehez

I loved the hair band i just brought!!! lolx.. cheap and nice haha

OKay so.. we had a fun time smelling perfume till i wanna sneeze..well i alreadi sneeze there hahaz.. coz i am kinda sensitive to too "xiang" de perfume..

I saw the perfume i am using now there at the shopping centre.. zhen bought for me de.. during moi birthday linh say the smell is pretty nice hehez.. thanks zhen!! for ur perfume hehe

OKay then after the long day... i am now at home trying to find a song.. i heard over the radio

Sometimes i dun understand why when i try to befriend with her.. and chat with her.. all the things she siad is so cold.. haiz.. maybe its hard to be friends between us bahz.. but somehow just hope to at least be a hi-bye friend than to ignore each other or stare at each other for no reason rite.. but i guessed she dun like the idea so i will just let it be le bahz.. hope byt he time we can forget each others existence then thats great isn't

Time now for me to go rest le.. yawn hen lei oh... so all the best everyone!!!

~ zHeN~

I jUst wANt yOu tO yOu

2006-08-30T16:01:00.000+08:00

Hello! i just came back from school - from my mediatech meeting.. they were voting for the communtity members humm zhen congrats!! and wei shen and ian and rui qing too!! coz almost all the sec threes got a rank but thats not confirm yet .. mostly will be the same la coz actually they say mediatech hoz.. voting is for show only teacher already choose le lolx

I think zhen will be the chair man. .. then the vice chairman the seniors choose three options.. me,rui qing or wei shen.. the trainer's choices are ian,hasanah,lisa ect ect..

But seriously la.. i dun really feel like getting the rank .. one is to prove that i like someone is not for the rank! and the other is that actually mediatech's cca points are beri low.. not really much difference..i earn my cca points from video competitions not from the rank.. and morever mediatech actually got nth much to do .. now is like falling apart le lor.. coz seniors leave le all the fun all disappear then the juniors most are like not serious and some just give attitude only.. one of them is the attitude gerl that i wrote in the blog is the previous entry.. she from wu shu then dunno for wad reason come mediatech lorx.. see her face i feel like vomiting.. eekk..

She today badmouth abt me and my friends again when she is the one who scold my friend bitch for nth when she is being f... and morever keep laughing at my friend's eye.. then go tell the others is we four go find trouble from joey.. please la.. the one we asked to shut up is u not ur friend.. we dun even noe who the hell is ur friend that time lorx... during the meeting to adelene.. wad the hack then i really cannot bear with it till i say sth beri loud... " you wanna scold people scold infront la..why only know how to bad mouth people at the back kns".. We neber even do anything to u then all u noe is to twist stories ect ect..then go around tell people opposite stories... i really hope someday ur mouth will rot somehow from telling lies... liar..

Really hate her lor.. the prob is i at first neber wanted to say anything then she start staring at me again so i return her the sickening look lor .. dunno why such ppl exist in this world... maybe someday she will get her retribution so i save my breath now ...

Anyway other than her most of the sec twos juniors are quite serious when doin the work bahz.. like johnathan ect.. but the fun just isn't there anymore after dennis wei xiong jing kai they all leave le.. cannot bully seniors liaoz *bleah*

Okay.. so today's life was also kinda fun

we had PE and we played badminton again.. me and xinn play till beri tired.. till we almost fall alseep during other subsequent lessons lolx

We did titration again during chemistry period.. me and xin was so blurr hahaz.. then xin even broke a conical flask accidentally..lolx .. then xin say she must be more gentle after that * ( as if she will we four are all beri chu lu de lorx hahaz thats why we are best friends ma.. all same pattern de lolx)

Today ah tang went for the competition so he neber come into class todae.. we made use of the period to finish our work.. i used my chinese period to finish writting notes for physics..coz i dun have to do the homework from madam lim

Oh ya i tuesday gotta go back school edit the video and burn out for min , yi jie di yao they all.. coz the competition we won le but we haben really burn for everyone a copy of it.. i asked madam lim to let me go to the com room on tues to edit it more better .. maybe put intro and songs behind.. its a momento for everyone of us.. we did had fun in the chi readin club.. more like playing and chattin hahaz..

We goin to eat steam boat on thurs using the money we won for ourselves.. yum yum..!! so excited hahaz.. but thats the place me and my group of friends went for our steamboat to celebrate my birthday this yr.. maybe some memories will be running through my mind bahz..coz me and him went there lots of time.. when we were strolling from there to clarke quay.. even for the boat trip ... ect ect...

OKay now time for me to go rest le bahz.. beri tired hehe

K la.. anyway last but not least.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to terence.. may you find ur true love and follow ur heart.... your princess will appear someday.. or maybe already be around u alreadi le.. ( hahaz u noe what i mean huh...maybe can get some blue roses or write some love letters or sth like that for her.. she will be touched i guessed.. need help i will give u suggestion hahaz) and may all ur dreams come true.. goodluck!!!

So now ahz... i go watch tv le worx..hehez

bUaiZ
~zHeN

Unbreakable like nothing could go on..

2006-08-29T20:24:00.000+08:00

Yox!! Time for mi to update my bloggie wahahaha.. ahem well well today is a beri happy day for me coz the whole day was so fun!!! and exciting hehez..

Humm except that today one of my best friend in the morning was upset over somethings coz she saw things she wished she wouldn't have to face especially in school. In the past i was the one who have to fake a smile no matter is in school,during my cca or even when working from the start.. espeically my first day of work,i will neber forget how much tears i have cried for someone who wasn't even worth it on the very day.. so excited when i can finally transfer but in the end all i ended up with is me crying in the middle of the night alone a the playground waiting for .. i dunno.. its useless anyway .. i mean that was the past..

Trying to act as if i was so generous to give her the cup it was meant for me and him wadsoeva..

Come to think of it.. running from thopmson to amk ..crying and doin stupid stuffs seems so well ya stupid hahaz... ,the almond jellies,stars the engrave necklace ... whatever it is.. i felt i was such a fool .. for what? He is just a unfaithful guy in the first place and in the first place.. i dun even know why i have to do so many things for him when he neber will know how much i have been around for him.. just him.. he took me for granted always..it goes to show u will neber noe when it was about to end..

He came back.. but its just to make me confirm one thing.. i have long forgotten him.. is i dun wanna let go coz i am afraid i will regret.. but somehow now is clear cut le.. just hope he can do well in his studies.. and achieve wad he wanna.. and ofcourse finding someone new..

I really wonder why in the world i choose you instead of someone else.. but anyway now my best friend gotta face everything in school and she was feeling terrible this morning thats why she did not even speak a single thingy after that.. till we tried to coax her and talk to her then she relaxed and start cheering up again

So.. Today during PE, me linh and xin were playing badminton whereas min wanna be alone so she sat somewhere near us..

I was playing so happily and laughing so loud and smiling so widely coz xin kept missing the suttle cord(i dunno how to spell bleah) .. and then me and xin even invented a new way of playin badminton.. is to.... PLAY GOLF!!.. we used to racket as the golf thingy then the shuttle as the ball.. then we were acting as though we were experts ..( when the ball was still on the ground and remained where it was no matter how hard we tried to hit it lolx... )

I still remember that time zhang shou and us kept trying to shake the tree and throw a "slipper" up to hit the class diary down from the tree.. coz someone's shuttle cord is stuck in between the trees..and guess what? zhang shou tried to get back the shuttle by throwing a slipper up onto the tree then in the end he even tried throwing the class diary to hit the shuttle.. ha lei loo ya...all three things were stuck on the tree!!!! lolx

Then anyway.. the three of us were playing badminton and having fun.. till i saw someone up there looking at our class playing.. then i just change my position so i will not see his face ..hahaz so will not spoil my mood...

But i still continued to have fun coz me and xin suddenly became beri interested in the tree... we were pretending to be like those indian gerls then in those movie always take a scarft then shake their head here and there... then you know hahaz... nvm if u all dun get it xin noe can le hoz? lolx

Then linh was laughing like hell when me and xin did those funny actions lolx..

So after that we had recess .. then got lessons.. during assembly period madam lim revealed that me and jamie will have to take the prelim exams with sec 4a2.. humm not excited anymore hearing that we gonna join the class.. last time maybe will bah but now dunno why just feel so.. calm.. no feeling to express hahaz

OKay so after school me linh and min went out.. it was raining cats and dogs so we could not meet under my blk first.. so we wana take bus to the interchange first then meet at NP.. in the end we all took the same bus!! hahaz.. i was drenched .. coz i was trying to catch up with the bus lolx... i think i looked real funny then.. hair all wet.. shirt also wet wet de.. lucky is black coulour shirt. . hahaz

We ate KFC... yummy.. hahaz

we chatted and chatted.. and tell ya what.. min chu chou 3 times hahaz.. got one is the small piece of chicken fly over from linh de meal to her hand.. i dunno how the hell linh eat till the chicken ended up lying on min de hand.. then hoz.. another one is min bite the spoon for the mashed potato de till it break and fly towards my direction lor.. lolx.. min ah... but the last one is me and linh talking abt the buttons on the shirt and pants beri nice.. we like it..then i purposely sing the song buttons by the pussy cat dolls then min thought we were talking abt the song.. min said.."ya lor ya lor..buttons beri nice to hear leh..!!"diaoz.. min ah u hoz.. out of point la.. last time i rememebr me toking abt zi wo cui mian beri nice to listen in the end u thought i was toking abt hypnotising someone... u hoz..

Next is i chu chou la coz we were on the escalator i was laughing at min then in the end me myself drop my mp3 again...hahaz. then my battery dropped beside linh.. my battery cover de part of my mp3 drop beside min then hoz the wors thing is my mp3 drop till two stairs behind us.. then the guys keep looking and laughing at my dropped mp3 behind us.. coz its like maybe we too noisy hahaz.. too much commotion all of a sudden

OKay.. then we went to sembawang.. i borrowed Harry potter lolx.. coz long time neber read le i only read till the order of phoenix.. now i am reading the half blood prince.. coz just found it at the sembawang library so jsut borrowed it using min de card.. got time then will go read hehehehhe...

We shopped around.. and tried on clothes.. i tried the pinkie skirt but it looks too mature for me so did not really like it.. min bought a shorts for herself...

We went home after that.. on the way we listened to the song by FIR-ni hen ai ta ,the song no promises.. and zui jing.. we even sing a little verse at times.. even in school .. till ah shou will ask me and xin to shhhh hahaz.. then till yong siang will say shhhh to the 4 of us ... sobx ... haha

We chatted a while under min de blk then me and linh walked home together..

Long time neber chat with them liek todae le coz always busy with a lot of stuffs.. last time linh gotta accompany lian wei so there is even less time free for us..the four best frenz to go out and have fun... the last time is during the time we sent linh to the air port bahz..

anyway i end here le bahz.. coz beri tired le..and i think u all also getting bored le .. though it is just another ordinary day like any other days.. i am happy today.. sense of satisfaction hehez... i finally got my mood back to complete my homework..

I aiming for anderson jc or nanyang jc if i am goin to jc... but i think most probably i will go to poly if by sec four my interest is still on filming.. and video editing.. hehez

So so... me go watch tv and do homework le worx.. see i so good gerl lolx.... coz i gotta buck up .. haben been doin well recently... coz always so frustrated and concern abt other unnecessary stuffs.. now can concentrate le

K la buaiz buaiz

Untitled~ how could this happen to me, i made my mistakes,got no where to run,the night goes on as i am fading away

2006-08-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

A long tiring day for me. Supposed to go for teachers day rehearsal duty but i told miss tan i got higher chinese lesson so thats why i did not go for today's rehearsal.. mediatech is nth to me now.. guessed so.. he's medal is still with me.. the gold award for contribution to mediatech. I wanted to return to him but i guessed since he gave it to me, i will help him keep it.. someday when we can face each other and smile trufully and laughed like the times during the sungei buloh filming for the Kids witness news, i will return it to him..smiling

Today i saw him in school int he canteen.. he smiled at me but it looked so ..fake.. for me i guessed but anyway i did smile back wanted to say hi but he turned away so i just kept quiet

We got chemistry lesson todae and the stupid mr ramesh hoz keep asking me maintain my OPH ..diaoz.. i repair and wipe dunno how many time liaoz he also still nto satisfied.. haiz but its okay i guess now the OHP is working le bahz.. but i need to change the bulb someday during one of the meetings ..need to ask the bulb from miss suzanne tan mahz..hahaz

Then later on i have got my additional maths lesson.. mr goh is finally back from his reservist.. to protect SINGAPORE!!.. thats wad he said.. humm but jasper suan mr goh say if really got war ah mr goh will be the first one to die lolx.. so bad..

Then later on i got my geography test, it was pretty simple but just that maybe will minus some marks coz i did not really elaborate my answers.. coz i cannot concentrate then dunno what i writing also lolx.. but at least i got a rough idea how to answer the questions so passing should be no prob bahz..i hope so hahaz..

Then after school i bought my peach smoothie!! yummy yummy hahaz. i love it but the lady selling the drink seems so unfriendly.. so rude lorx.. haiz.. everyday pull such a long face and then talk to customer ah like talking to enemy like tat.. kinda hate her atitude but anyway her drinl's are pretty nice so no choice ... gotta bear with her sickening face lorx...

I accompanied linh to eat her lunch before goin back home.. to take a short rest b4 i go for my hmt lessons.. but i waited for quite a long time jaime still did not come to my hse to find me so i went to school instead.. my hse is just a road away from my school lolx... i found out that jaime was sick.. so the whole jorney to and when coming back from hmt, i was realy scared she will faint.. TAKE CARE kz..

Then now i ate my cha siew rice for dinner then just sitting around listening to songs coz i gonna bathe soon.. after that gotta do my a maths hw.. lots to be done.. and my chinese stuffs.. as well as writing the letter to request to take the prilim chinese exams with the sec fours.. coz madam lim wanan us take .. since we are taking our hw this oct.. she wanan us do well.. she wanan us to get 8 a1 coz in our school so far only me and jamie int his batch got 8 subs but u noe wad.. its impossible for me to get all a for my exams.. my english is those kinda cannot make it de.. then chinese also really not stable sometimes do well sometimes can do beri badly.. my other subs also not consistence de.. lolx *bleah*

K la.. but i working hard le.. trying to concentrate on my work.. not on love or wadsoeva anymore..love is nothing but just a word.. no one really understand wad it means.. till it is proven.. till u can sacrifice for the person.. not coz of the person's look ... that's call neber judge a bk by its cover rite lolx

So.. me gonna bathe le.. so smelly and dirty now hahaz... coz sweating in the bus just now

SO cya!!!

muacks hahaz... ( ahem.. dun think wai wai... hahaz)

bUaiZ

d.angelics melody

2006-08-27T19:10:00.000+08:00

Is not that i want to let go.. i dun have a choice.. i need to set you free.. from me.. so you do not have to endure me anymore.. no more..

Stop saying good night to me out of a sudden and to give me a goodnight kiss..it only makes my heart ache hearing it..

I just want to let you know.. i cannot hold on to you.. and i dun wanan cling on u forever.. we are not suitable...

We will be strangers...till someday both of us can really face each other and be friends.. i will be willing to be the friend that will always be there for u.. thats the promise i made to myself ..to you before.. that will neber change... but its no longer as ur lover.. its as ur best friend.. i really hope that day will come soon.. coz i really dun wanan be ignored by a friend just because of a mistake.. we both made the wrong choice..

Starting it and ending it.. and repeating history will be a lesson learnt..

Neber go back to an old relationship.. its dead.. so let it be buried.. not raking it up again.. its the best way out..

yEw zHeN..

Work work work..sianz

2006-08-27T15:17:00.000+08:00

Gym day!!

2006-08-26T19:43:00.000+08:00

Hahaz.. todae i exercised a lot lorx..hehe..

Not on diet but just happen to walk and run a lot todae i even went to the gym with min

Just now in the mroning i woke up then brother went to chalet le..sobx.. hahaz but the com for these few days will be mine!! wahahaha.. k la but he beri good to me todae coz he bought breakfast for me leh.. first time.. so happie *bleah*.. coz usually ask him help me buy hoz he dun want de lorx.. will only scold me lazy nia.. haha okay la.thanks gor !!

Then hoz in the afternnon i went to my dad de shop to pass my dad his hp.. and his pencil case.. he so forgetful .. then a lot of miss call lor.. so irritating coz i answer all his calls one by one to tell them later i ask him call u back..diaoz.. daddy's a busy guy hahaz...

I waked to northpoint.. just to think over some stuffs.. and to face the reality.. if i want to leave him.. i must be strong.. so walking to those places.. no memories should be picked up.. and no feelings should be observed.. so i walked a long way there hahaz.. then i saw one of our mac crew but i forget his name liaoz.. pai sei coz i am not close with my mac collegues so i dun remember their names exactly...anyway i work in the first place and transfer to know how he feels when he works.. but now working means nth to me.. i dun like the people there too.. hypocrites..I mean some of them not all lah coz some like shermaine ah.. ect ect all beri nice..

Anyway so i went to my daddy de shop i sat there for a while then min message me ask me go gym so i went home first to change my shoes .. then i met min under my block..

We walked to the gym then hoz.. we chat on stuffs lor.. kinda long time since i can tell her my feelings and she telling me .. anyway.. thanks for being there min..

Guessed wad.. after walking the whole way to my dad shop from home.. and back again.. though i beri tired la i still went to the gym to run sia...lolx.. i ran 3 km in 20 mins leh.. hehez.. coz there can calculate time and distance de.. humm pretty fit gerl i am ah hahaz.. i still remember me running my 2.4 km.. i finished it in 13 mins.. coz in my mind pictures run through me.. so i just ran and ran and ran and did not realise my run's over loz..lol

Then after running the 3km hoz i go try the pedal thingy then the bicycle thingy also.. beri tired.. but feel so shiok... coz like u sweat le then feel so refreshing though got a bit smelly hahaz..

Ahem.. then i bought my peach smoothie and min bought her milk tea.. we went to my hse first.. for a whiel before i go to her hse again. she was pretty worried to leave me alone at home.. coz hse scared my emotions ah .. later cannot control again.. but hey gerl.. no worries..

Then i looked through shimin de photo album while she also looked through mine.. its kinda funny and its so precious.. looking back into the itmes i was young.. still with my curly hair..the nutt nutt specs .. then my hair all tied up without fringe.. hahaz.. then still a bit fat fat then uniform tucked in so .... u noe look like a dude.. hahaz

Min made jelly.. and that reminds me of almond jelly.. and i swear i will neber make jelly for another guy again.. unless maybe.. humm someone i really love a lot .. but so far.. no one bahz.. now still single leh .. sobx lolx

Because ppl hu noe me will noe i dun really like to cook.. or make things unless i really care abt the person a lot then i will waste my time doing stars hearts.. cookies..jelly or wadsoeva .. even my parents neber taste before the jelly i made.. and they neber even recieve my stars and wadsoeva b4 lorx.. humm... but they will de fang xin osmeday maybe fathers day or wad can make de hoz??? bleah

But i missed those times.. coz i am carefree and i am those who will just wait for a guy for many years... i guess some of my friends noe who i liked when i was young.. hahaz.. but now trying to feature me liking my pri school friend in the past it seems so weird hahaz..but anyway its just memories but seriously.. its precious memories to me ..hahaz.. an lian someone..*smile*

I still remember the reason i like lin jun jie.. coz i once like a guy form my tution also call jun jie.. with kezia and bing hong de.. i got kezia de contact but bing hong i noe he in amk sec coz he live near me i will see him sometimes but jun jie like gone liaoz leh ahhaz.. coz i was in pri 5 then then i left the tution le... i got my tution teacher andy see de contact but i guess maybe he change number le lor... neber try calling also.. haha

They are my precious memories too.. i still rememeber me and jun jie playing basketball .. hahaz.. but i hardly can remember how he look like le.. anyway i hope someday still can see him bahz..

I remember i was bullied in the past coz i am ugly.. hahaz if you dunno how i look in the past just go ask shimin can le..she stil kept the photos lo haha... we have been in the same class for nine yrs le... maybe someday i will let u all see how i look like then.. but now it is no better hahaz..

But imagine now i look like that le then the past is worst lor... terrible .. lolx.. i am not kidding..

Okay.. i have been through a lot.. gor shld noe abt mama.. and in relationships or friendships.. even working.. i should learn to grow up too

Jun tell me neber change others unless u change urself first..

I will neber change for the sake of someone else i will only change for my own sake... to grow up.. neber brooding of wads over.. and i beg you.. dun walk into my life again...

The day will come when i will find someone i need to hold on.. and rely on.. but you know the person will neber be you..

Yawn.. beri tired!! lolx.. i haben bathe leh haha.. but goin to now hehe so i go bath le worx

So... to everyone out there... concern abt me or just wanna be sacastic.. yEw zHeN is still as noisy as before!!!!! same old me who loves to nag and nag talk and talk lor.. sobx.. till my gor gor say i beri fan lor... hahaz

Wake up yEw zHeN!!!!

My dream's over.. back to reality.. it has been such a beautiful disaster..

Thanks everyone!!

2006-08-26T09:58:00.000+08:00

Something pulled me back..voice of reason i forgot i had..

All i know is that you're not here to say whatever you used to say..

But i will not regret.. because i will be strong even if it all goes wrong..

Coz i got people around me to support my decision .. and to be there for me..always

First.. thanks to wei xiong and zhen.. they are the ones who are right by my side last year.. especially the times i always shed tears for .. him
Wei xiong even treat us to play ddr at times so i can release my stress..
He even asked yan ming along so the more the merrier..

I still remember me and yan ming the act.. lolx.. that really seems funny having to see his face.. hahaz

Still remember in the bus i lent zhen de shoulder to lie on.. wei xiong cried with me too.. guessed thats what he say that time.. we are all on the same boat...

Sorry to make you guys worry for me that time..

When he come back into my life.. you two are still the ones beside me to ask me to give him a chance and follow wad my heart ones.. dun care abt how the others look at us.. i really must thank u all.. because if not..i will regret for the rest of my life..

Coz i fufill what i wanan do with him that was left unfufilled... the other time...

Zhen and wei xiong.. thanks!!!! a million.. coz till now you two are still concerning abt me.. hehez...

Felt so fortunate... even jun siang is there to let me complain... hearing his words and the words chu ping tell jun.. i really realise being so confused for him is silly..

relationships at this age will not last long..

Because long ago i already forget abt him but he was the one hu keep showin up in my rear view mirror everytime i think he is gone.. everytime he whisper sth sweet in my ears i fall into these sweet talks..

Actually he regretted leavin me that time.. but one thing i wil neber regret leaving him now.. coz we both will be happier without each other.. coz without having to cling on each other...

And not fogetting xin they all also are there for me.. i love you all!!!!

Even my brother.. just tell me to follow my heart..and even bought breakfast for me todae worx.. first time leh. .. once in a million years...haha

Thanks ,.

Okay so so..now... bye bye....!!!

Sorry.. but you will neber be replaced

2006-08-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

This time its really over..

We both just wanna be alone

But i neber will regret you coming back into my life for these few months

I dunno why i am crying now.. i know i cannot let go of you but i will.. because i choose it..

You say u will fufill ur promise.. but to me.. it doesn;t matter anymore... because i know i cannot keep the promise of being with u forever too... i can only promise u even if i find someone to rely on.. u will neber be replaced.. i love you...

I will keep this three words in my heart.. from now.. till the day i really can feel nth.. nth at all for you..

Sorry i am walking out of ur life.. this time.. for real..

The memories.. will neber be erased..

But i am tired.. so are you..

Its time to be free... both of us.. we finally realise all has already ended a long time ago is we did not want to admit it... right from the start.. it was wrong for us to be togther in the first place just coz of ur so called prank.. its been two years .... this time .. i am really neber going back to you..

And i mean it..

I'll miss you.. but its better off this way... buried in my heart.. forever..

yEw zHeN's tired.. but i am finally free.... i dun wanna torture myself again.. douglas... thanks for everything .. i apologise for not keeping my promises.. so u can forget urs too..

Wo ai ni... zhe shi wo zui hou..zhen de zui hou yi ci... dui ni shuo... wo zhen de hen xi huan ni.. from the start there was no one else.. but you..

I'll let go.. i wanan be free...

because it only will means suffering.. if this continues...

Thanks..

May you find ur happiness and mine too..

*smile*

All i ask for is dun forget those memories.. just remember my name.. maybe someday we will meet again.. and be the bestest friends ...

Friends Forever..my dear..friend...

Sorry.. but you will neber be replaced

2006-08-25T22:46:00.001+08:00

Sorry.. but you will neber be replaced

2006-08-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

I can't give you my everything

2006-08-25T13:12:00.000+08:00

Ni xiang yao de wo que bu neng gou gei ni wo quan bu
Wo neng gei de que you bu shi ni xiang yao yong you de
Wo men bu shi he, que bu xiang ren shu
Hao ji ci wo men bao zhe bi ci dou shi xiang yao ku

Ni chang jie shi zhe yang de yi qie dou zhi shi kai shi
Wo jue de shi suo you de yi qie zao jiu yi jie shu

Bu xiang zai yue shu
Bu yao zai tong ku

Xia yi ci hui you geng hao de qing lu

The english meaning means all the things you wanna i cannot give you my everything..i cannot give you the happiness you wish to have.. all the things i can give you are not the things you wish to have... my care and concern are just nth in your eyes.. you took me for granted

We are not suitable for each other but we dun wanna admit that.. and there are lots of times when we hug each other.. we just feel like crying

You always explain all the things are just the beginning.. we can start afresh.. a new chapter of our love story..but to me.. all the things around me .. between us... has already ended

No promises.. i dun wanna be hurt anymore.. i guess maybe the next time there will be a better choice for you and i..

Let go of our yesterday..

This is the song the four of us loved!!! lolx..we kept singing it todae

We were late todae but we were not punished.. coz of the stupid notes i had to print ..after we said our class.. i think that is the perception of people bahz.. coz we are suppose to be one of the best class.. mr goh let us off this time.. lolx..

Sorry my darlinks.. made u all stand infront of the school coz of me.. and even run to school todae.. in the end still late by a few minutes.. i love u all!! lolx.. coz u all neber blame me.. phew.. lolx

I had a fun time chatting with xin in class and we kept making a fool of ourselves by doing stupid actions.. we even form a new group call LOVE AND PEACE... hahaz.. xin.. thanks for cheering me up.. coz ur jokes though they are lame hahaz.. but u really brighten my day up ..singing with me.. cracking jokes.. ect ect.. today even miss soh laughed at her joke on a vocab word thingy .. xin shld noe wad i meant lolx...

I always have the three of them to cheer me up..

Linh to listen to my complains and making me more determine to know no one will cannot live without another person.. and she telling me that gerls also have pride.. so sry i am leaving you.. get out of my life...

Min to sing with me and there to laugh with me as well ..lolx.. thanks ..

No one can break our bonds...and will neber be able to.. i really hope we four can stay this way .. i felt like so happie to have them by my side..espcially at xin's house that day... when we visit her coz of her eye infection..

Humm todae i got to take out everything in the OHP lolx.. coz i gotta clean the lens and probably change the bulb soon.. who ask me to be in mediatech.. doing stuffs that do not relate to wad i wish to do.. my filming !!! lolx... but mr ramesh ask me to help him i cannot say no wadz..he so fierce lolx

Anyway later goin out with xin and zhen.. hope will have a great time with them

And to ppl out there.. stop asking abt me and him.. all i need is time to think over things but for now i already told him my choice..

I may not be able to keep my promises to him.. but wad goes around comes around.. u were the one hu gave me the chance to think of negative things... if u cannot endure me.. it doesn;t matter anyway because i am leaving you.. sorry... hope u can find someone better

You dunno how to appreciate my care and concern to you.. my love for you has already died.... i guess so.. even if i do love u now.. i will forget to stop making myself so miserable out of nth .. when u feel nth..nth at all... i leave now its better than you regretting the second time and coming back to my life again later on... because i know even if i regret..i will not walk into ur life again

You neber will know how much i have been there for you..

I neber know how much you have done for me

Since i can trust u no more.and u can endure no more..sorry.. all the memories will be part of our history

One thing i can tell you is i have neber regretted being with u.. this time..coz i alreadi fufilled the things left undone ... clarke quay.. boat trip..sentosa... fireworks..roses.. it will be my beautiful memories when i look back.. thanks for everything.. and sorry for breaking the promises first.. i made up my mind for now.. i cannot give you happiness.. i only will make ur life more miserable... i love you dear.. but thats the last time i will say this to you.. because after this.. i really wanna leave everything behind..

Surprisingly.. i dun cry on the outside anymore.. i dun even cry when i tell him lets break up.. is it i no feeling le or my heart is already numb... but its the best way out.. i dun wanna u endure me.. and i dun wanna hold on to sth that neber has belong to me in the first place..

From 111105.. u are already out of life.. from that day i am gone already.. is i neber realise it..

I wanna u back because i dun wanna admit she is better.. but now u are back i am sorry.. its not love.. its revenge.. wanting u to taste the feeling i once had.. maybe u dun feel that way.. but lets just be strangers...

Its better off that way till i forget u totally le.. i will be ur best friend.. if u allow me too..

Goodbye...

* you neber know how tired i felt.. how much i was scared of you leaving and losing hold of you the second time.. all you see was your pain.. you neber ever ever thought of why i will feel negative.. you are the one who caused me to think so much and make everything so hard....u were the unfaithful one in the first place.. you were the one hu let me down at first.. why bother to come back anyway.. maybe its to prove us and make us really understand all ..everything has ended.. so we will finally admit defeat.. my heart no longers feels the same for you and ur heart no longer feel that way too... now i learn tmy lesson...neber to give my heart to someone who is not worth it and someone who can walked out of my life last time.. just like that..without a word.. ever ever ever again*

Haiz..

2006-08-21T20:42:00.000+08:00

Apart from someone trying to talk bad abt my best friends, things were still okay for me these few days

Yesterday i went to his house... i did my chinese and he continued on his folio..

I brought some cds along to listen.. and while he did his work, i used his computer.. in the end he was the one who fell asleep this time round lolx.. the last time i was the one who fell asleep ... seems like we are taking turns to be the pig huh ..lolx

I tried waking him up with his mickey but just dun work.. hahaz

He is just sleeping so soundly like a pig!! lolx.. jk .. anyway i think he is too tired le.. he always work till beri late or stay up till beri late just to complete his games , watch vcds ect ect.. haiz.. just dunno how to take care of himself.. if he fall sick then .. humm..

So i just sat beside him and stared at his door to make sure his dad will not come home so early lolx.. if not i dunno how to explain his son sleeping and i at their house lolx.. diaoz.. weird scene ... hahaz

So he finally woke up and he looked so "blurr" lolx.. and we went around to see if there are some place that still sell the wing nuts he need for his dnt.. but the shops close le.. we even went to ching pang to find but it seems to get no where... so we got ourself a drink .. soya bean!! beri nice worx hahaz.. then we continue with our search but still cannot find .. but we did not give up until it was getting real late.. so we finally head home..

We walked the route.. we once walked before a long long long time ago.. to the bus stop at the interchange there.. we waited for the bus and i went home..

I bought some durians too.. hahaz.. beri delicious bu the uncle selling it was horny.. lolx..

Then i went home and bathe.. then read my readers book but i read a few pages till i fell asleep without realising and i found myself o my bed this morning.. i got lots of things undone!! lolx... but i guess i walked in to the room when my brother force me to go my room and sleep bahz.. i was too sleepy to remember how i ended up in the room humm.. hahaz

So today xin went to school!!! finally... we misses her.. and we ..as usual make lots of noises during lessons lolx..

I took the chinese compo test coz madam lim say though i take hmt but this yr o levels coming she wanan me be more focus.. on chinese as well.. so she wanna me practise.. i wrote the story .. for me i guess its pretty interesting but i almost cannot complete it lolx.. coz i took a long time brainstorming.. i almost worte out of point at first lol

So.. after school the four of us went out to eat. after the gerl's irritating comments.. so we ate noodles.. beri nice!! waahhahah

Then i went for higher chinese lesson at amk.. got back my tests papers.. i did better by jaime by 6 marks.. and i think i have done pretty well coz i finally pass my summary at the back!! lolx.. and my compre only a few wrong words so minus marks and my close passage first time i got one wrong only.. wahahaha, i really beri happie.. coz nowadays i start feeling that i have no confidence in chinese i long time neber go for hmt lesson and neber touch chinese ... my vocab are becoming rusty.. gotta start memorising beautiful phrases again ...

And i promised to help him chinese.. hope that he can do well too..work hard to achieve wad we desire hehez

And so.. i just came home not long ago.. and.. he messaged me.. *smile*..

K la .. i go bath le i beri sticky now worx.. dirty lolx.. and later gonna chat with him le.. hehez

Buaiz.. i go bath le .. to all of u... Have a good rest tonight and get ready to chiong tml !!!

Backstabbers

2006-08-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

Haiz today someone who said things bad abt my best friend go around and talk back at us.. after school....then even tell my friend is i was the one who is shooting at joey..and say the four of us find fault at them... kns..we were just walking there got prob is it.. well that someone is just some gerl who likes to back stab ppl and talk nonsensical stuffs.. that don't makes sense.. luckily the guy she told abt this matter knew i will not do that so not much misunderstanding was caused..

Wth.. its coz she says my friend is a bitch and wadsoever when she is the one who steals ppl's boy friend and kena "f..." by someone then go spread she still dare to say my best friend so much... so just shut up la okay..

We did not even lay a finger on you.. its u are the one who keep laughing at my friend's swollen eyes.. coz she got eye infection .. then u laugh and even tell ur friends to stare at my friend.

All u noe is to talk behind people.. and say things that had neber happen b4..create stories..

Since when we talk bad abt joey... we dun even noe who she is lor... we were saying u kao bei to ley u shut up coz u are pissing us off.. just F... off la okay..

You were the one who give us ur kinda attitude first then we bear with it le now u go tell other ppl we were the one finding trouble

You noe sth if u dun mind.. come confront us face to face and tell us wad we scold u la.. we did not even do anything.. scared u for what.. u only noe how to talk behind us and say bad things abt us and spread rumours ...dunno why this kinda ppl will exist in this world.. kinda fed up ...

I am not trying to act lian here or wad coz i seriously dun like ppl to be one.. and i dun wanan be onebut i really kan bu xia qu you go bully my friend and tok bad things abt her and use vulgarities against her lor when nth ever happen and my friend has been givin in to u alreadi wad else u want??!! u were the one who snatches other ppl boyfriend and u're the flirt pls look into the mirror b4 u say anything abt my friend again...

Or shall i say dun even mess around with my best friend again.. u wanan talk bad abt me all u wanna..go ahead.. just a coward that hides away when u are being confronted.. then behind others says things that were untrue.. if u scared then just find some ways to shut ur mouth

I hate hypocrites just like you.. always act innoncent.. u got "f..." by someone still so proud of it.. spread la.. i help u advertise want now?.. if u need a webbie to advertise or a poster i can help u specially design.. and actually i am being kinda sacastic down here.. but thats true..

Anyway i just wanna let u noe.. doesn;t mean that xin keep quiet means that we are scared of ur yi gong jiu po rumours... its just we dun wanna create troubles and makes things more complicated but if u were to bully her again.. we will not remain silent .. we will not fight coz only babarians do that but doesn;t mean we will keep quiet and let u talk bad abt her..

Last but not least.. just shut up la okay..

Love

2006-08-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

Here are somethings you should not ask when you broke up with someone:

When the person wanna leave you for someone else, the best reply you can give.. is to just let him go.. and you.. to leave silently ..out of his life

1) Do not ask him the reason he left you

- Beacause no matter how good and valid the reason is.. it just makes no sense to you..
To you, you can just pick up the broken pieces of memories but to him.. it means nothing at all..
So no matter what the reason is.. you just cannot accept it ... so wads the point of asking it in the first place?

2) Neber ask him if he had ever love you before

- The reason is.. so what if he once love you deeply and can promise his whole world to you at that time?.. Because no matter what it just meant that the moment he wanna leave you.. he no longer love you.. not anymore... the past is just history to him.. his heart has changed...its gone.. and he's gone.. he no longer have any feelings for you... he feel nth.. nth at all

3) Neber ask him what you have done wrong

- Love is not about right or wrong.. its about who is the one who doesn't cherish the person ... Love is about the special feeling.. towards someone.. if the feeling is gone.. its gone.. his eyes they sparkled but thats all that will change into lies that drop like acid rain.. from the day he left.. so don't blame urself because you did absolutely nth wrong.. he was the oen who made the choice.. he wanted to be free... and you can only try your hardest just to forget everything

4) Neber ask why her? why he choice her?

- Because to him..he already know what he wanna.. she has indeed stolen your world.. to him.. she is all he want at that time.. you should know that means he loved her .. not you anymore so dun ask the question again to insult yourself or to humilate urself to make urself feel more inferior ...

5) Neber ask him dun he remember the happy times you both once had? the memories?

- Don't you understand.. from the time he wants to leave you he already forgot about those memories u both shared.. he no longer wants the happiness he had with you because all he want now is the happiness ahead him and her... not you.. not anymore.. and so what if he say he still rememebr them?.. it will just be part of his memories that will be washed away and replace by new memories he will have with her.. he neber thought of anyone else he jsut saw his pain... so dun cry in the middle of the night fot the same damn thing when u think of those times u had again.. because he neber will noe how much u have been there for him.. how much you have given him.. including your heart..and world.. ur everything

6) Neber ask him or plead him to come back to ur life

- This will only make urself seems so useless in his eyes.. your tears are just weaknesses in his eyes.. life goes on.. you should move on.. you should find someone to live for in this world.. but it is definitely not him.. he washed away he best of u but he dun care.. so why bother for him to come back..

Even he is is back.. first he wanan be free now he says he need you.. he tell u that he love u first then throw his heart into reverse now he comes back... whats the point..? he is just a unfaithful guy,, forget him .. he will neber be by ur side for long.. he will leave again sooner or later anyway... it will just be a detour.. you can't keep coming back to him everytime he is in a good mood to whisper sth sweet in ur ears..

It will be hard to let him into ur life again. coz u will have to make sure all the things he said was true.. its so hard for u to move on coz everytime u're gone he showed up at ur rear view mirror.. the truth is u can't even say goodbye... thats why he knows that.. he took u for granted.. so dun be a fool anymore gerl.. dun be stucked there waiting for him...the days without him .. move on...

Life goes on...

So to those who had just broke up with their loved ones listen up.. lolx

Go back to the begining.. where you neber knew him.. just carry on with ur life.. u have to try to forget him but it just takes a while.. all u need is time.. may be quit long.. but somehow one day u will forget the feelings.. coz nth last forever in this world..

There is always someone by ur side but its just that u didn;t noe how much he had been there always for u.. u neber knew how much it hurts to him to see u cry and see u down .. just like the way u feel for ur ex... try looking around.. u may find ur happiness soon.. ur true love..

Sooner or so life will seems to turn around.... there are still people who cares for you and will feel sad to see you cry..

And dun feel inferior towards the gerl.. everyone has his or her own good personalities and flaws.. no one is perfect.. but meanwhile everyone has their beri own talents.. just be urself.. and dun change urself to suit him or to imitate her just because u feel inferior.. u are neber inferior ..

Just tell him to GETAWAY.. sad to him now u get what u want...u are so moving on since he've been gone.. and u can breathe for the first time... BREAK YOU

He know he did it u're gone.. to look for someone to live for in this world..he's wrong if he think he can walk right through ur door again.. that is just so him coming back when u're already gone... he will not get to see the tears you cry again.. no more..

Rememeber ur life is like a train.. people board and alight at each station and each part of ur life.. there are some types of people that may be in ur memories

First type is those that will board on ur train right from the start ( ur life) and neber will alight or abandon u for another train because they want you and they need you

The second type is those that will board on ur train ( ur life ) to get to their destination..from the start... when they reached the point .. they will alight from ur train ( and walk out of ur life ) .. or to board another train.. ( to find someone else).. its their choice...its just part of ur life to face this.. people comes and goes.. walk in and out of ur life leaving u with memories .. its just means a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER... but come to think of it if people dun leave .. there will be no space for someone better to walk into ur life

The third type is those that may board on ur train ( walk into ur life) at the later part of ur journey.. they may leave after sometime but some may just stay there forever and neber alighting and leaving you.. they will not abandon u anymore because they have found the right cabins on the train.. where they found you..

Life is so short but yet will be so meaningful if u just find the right person.. dun worry if u dun get to find one so soon.. its takes time.. needs to have faith.. let fate decides for u .. someday.. someday believe u will find the one in this world..

They say there is one in this world for everyone.. so i hope all of u can find the someone special soon... if u have found him or her... i wished all of you.. * FoReVer LuRb

Love is not abt saying i love u everyday

2006-08-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hi .. todae i went to linh hse after school.. after celebrating qi we de birthday.. and today's lian wei de birthday also anyway to the both of them HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! *smile*.. yi jie and the rest got a cake for qi wei so we sang the birthday song for him and ate the delicious cake.. i guessed qi wei is beri happy coz someone is there ..lolx.. okay so now comes to me at linh's hse..

Her aunt treat me lunch coz she cooked mi hun gui.... it was nice thanks!!! hehez.. then me and linh chatted till two plus b4 i head for school again to buy the chinese electonic dictionary for my o'levels..

I went to withdraw some money and guessed wad.. mr low was behind me .. diaoz.. lolx.. luckily i am beri good de lor.. i neber tuck out shirt.. and guess my hair still acceptable then socks still not too short so .. he did not say anything but just smile and nodded his head .. hehe

So.. i got my dictionary then i went home to change so i can meet Zhen..

Me and zhen bought some stuffs to eat and drink while we walked to NP.. then we chatted and chatted till we reach my dad's shop.. i even helped her to massage hehe.. not bad huh hehe.. must be comfortable .. hehe .. lolx

So after a while me and her walk to xin de hse.. zhen accpompany to xin's life there then she went home... thanks hehe.. and we did had a great time chatting

Now comes to xin... me , linh and min all went to visit her just now at 7 plus...

we really miss u my darlin!! we missed the laughters and the jokes and your hohohoho laughter lolx.. guessed min and linh will noe wad i am toking abt lolx..

So over at xin;s hse we like four crazy woman do crazy stuffs there.. like wad we always do.. we dance.. we sing.. we laugh.. we joke around.. we listen to music.. play com.. lie on the bed together to relax and chat abt our character blah blah blah.. actually there is a moment i feel like i am so fortunate to have them.. and xin also felt that way ..guessed she is kinda touched..hehe...

The four of us.. together again .. its been some time since we four sit together and chat like that... laughing..having fun... i love them!!! ... really... and there is a moment we all felt.. wad will happen if we live together.. and became kinda silent when we talk abt how will life be like after we leave school.. coz time really flies...

Xin say coz of her eye infection.. she gave us a chance to be together again .. to all relax and chat abt xin shi.. coz we are usually beri busy coz of school work and tests so we did not really meet up for a beri beri beri long time le .. i mean after school... thats why she say her eye is zhi de one.. to be liek that but hey gerl dun feel that way must get well soon.. and dun be too worry.. we will always be there for u worx.. hehe...

Monday xin coming back to school le.. sh emissed one wk of lesson and we missed her for a week le .. xin faster come back leh

And we four even looked at the photos of us a beri beri long time ago when we were in sec ones.. i feel like laughing to see xin de hair.. the wu zi tou lolx... min also laughed too.. linh also.. it seems so cosy and happie to be with them looking back into the past... our past's neoprints that xin kept... ... the time where i was neber troubled by anyone and abt relationships.. the time i was in a relationship and the time we broke up as well as after me and him start afresh...i looked so different.. in the past my smile is true from my heart.. for now.. i am not sure..

Somehow i hate guessing games...

But when i tried to let go of u or rather to ask u to getaway from me to stop causing my heart so much misery.. i will remember times and days without u.. i dunnno what i shld do and where i shld go coz i noe i will just be lost when u're not around.. i just cannot let u go.. the second time.... thats why i will reconsider.. and realise i just will... neber get over u somehow.. coz i will still miss you no matter what.. we have been through too much things.. ups and down.. ppl gossiping us and hoping we will break up..( i guessed the people may also be reading my bloggie to wanna noe when we will break rite... so i dun need to mention the names) actually i noe i am being kinda sacastic but thats how i feel.. coz neber try to change my decision and feelings.. i have my own stand and thoughts its none of ur business of who i shld choose and of who i am with ... coz no one asked for ur comments that seems to be biased... and just shut up la okay.. mind ur own business and if u got nth better else to do... also no need to be bothered abt out relationships.. coz u noe what.. i will just follow wad my heart says.. dun try to swing my feelings.. GETAWAY.... coz u are nth better.. unfaithful.. so please think of urself ..ur own character before u comment on others.. but we do have people supporting us ... but sly teachers and negative comments that seems to be caused in the past by ur rank.. abt us...

But no matter what i noe i demand too much becoz i hope he can understand me... guessed no one wil ever understand each other too well .. even for best friends.. haiz... but the truth is the one thing i am scared of is losing hold of u... from the bottom of my heart.. so i will not let go that easily... unless till the day i have to leave u. then i will leave silently.. that doesn;t mean memories will be erased..

Why is everything so hard....

If only everything seems so simple..

Which is impossible..

But one thing... no matter what.. i will keep my promise... the one i made to myself at the memorial .. as well as the place u made them too...

I really hope that someday u can really try to understand my feelings and thoughts... and to know wad i wanna... without me having to hint u or tell u.. coz ppl do get tired of quarrels because of misunderstandings..

U say b4 u hope the one u love to be free like water.. but u noe to a gerl it means insecurity.. i noe u treat me well ..and is willing to give in at times and to sacrifice ur time to help me and ect ect.. but wad a gerl needs is not a i love u everyday.. even raymond noe hows to say it.. its ur actions.. love is not abt messaging a i miss u and i love u message.. its not abt that ... i dunno how i shld phrase it ... but i just feel that maybe we are really too young for a serious relationship.. nth last forever.. u shld noe it by now...

Just hoping.. maybe someday i will find someone hu understands me well... will it be you..?.. i hope so.. but it all depends on you...

2006-08-17T15:00:00.000+08:00

Your eyes they sparkled thats all change into lies that drop like acid rain..

I dun mean to ignore u when u said hi.. i saw that but sry.. coz in the morning thats how u just walked away..

Last year, thats how it all soured.. from getting drfited apart, to no words, to no message and then .. u dun even noe me and i dun even noe u by then..

Take the hint and walked away.. thats what i did in the past..

For now i am breaking that habit todae.. u're wrong if u think i will be waiting like a fool like the past because if it really soured.. then i will let it be.. i will no longer try to mend it all again.. though i wished i could turn back time to make everything right but thats impossible

I dunno what i wanan from u too .. but it just don't seems to be right.. though everything may seems tobe the same around me.. are u still the one i want?.. the one ...in this world for me?....

Things are getting hard coz studies.. stress...we got the third for video competition and just got the award ... but i dun even noe where is my heart now... is my interest still on videos?.. its kinda tired to keep guessing what i wanan and how u really feel and how u think ...

Messaging me everyday a hundred time i love u also just means nth at all now.. because its just a word till it is proven.. eternity?.. all i asking for is just sth as simple as to be there for me... but u are not there.. making me cry is like stabbing his own heart.. thats what someone told me.. but for u.. u're always the one who make me shed tears.. now i dun even wanan feel unhappy when someone asked abt our past .. trying to not feel anything gradually..

time flies... 11th november...

yEw zHeN's just tired of guessing games.. i seem to dunno u ...no.. not anymore..

You dun tell me how u feel and when u're down... i dunno whats left...

Hi !!!!

2006-08-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

Humm todae is a long day for me coz i went to my dads shop and gotta study for my tests.. stess

Humm actually all these while it has only been him in my heart.. i said before a beri long time ago waiting for him is like waiting for rain in such a drought, useless and disappointing but i dun like to use that phrase now.. no more.. coz she uses it too after that so its kinda weird coz i dun like ppl to compare me and you.. sorry.. its just a sensitive thing to talk about because its too much of a coincidence between u and i and similarities.. till people can call u my name and me ur name.. but it makes no sense though we may like the same singer hilary, jj ect..and like pigs even the same guy before.. but i dun feel we are alike but ppl around us feel so..even terence felt that.. and worst still xin once asked min wow isn;t that u in the pic when its her pics.. why is everything so hard? It just won;t go away..can't i just stay free from you.. i think i need a miracle to make it through

today diyanah said something quit hurting though its quite true coz her words are logical but she did not realise it will hurt ppl's feelings bahz .. but i will not repeat it here.. coz i know many people will be reading this and ask me this and that again... hate people to do that.. if someone's unhappy already dun go and add oil to the fire .. pls.. diaoz..

Okay humm.. anyway i dun really wanna bother abt how people look at us.. its jsut that maybe the scar and memories of the stupiest things i have done for u may may not be erased.. coz i could just pick up the peices of memories when someone mention sth but to u it means nth to u.. i used to think that i was strong till the day everything went wrong..promises are not meant to be broken even for the past.. but since its gone.. its gone i also dun wish to rake it up unless tings lead me thinkin of them again..

Sometimes i really wonder why i cannot let u go...

Seriously when i msg u todae i felt like telling u just leave me alone and getaway from me.. i just wanna be free .. no one in my mind, no need to guess what u're thinking and which part of ur words are true...no need to rake up the times i felt my heart torn into pieces...

Seems like my worlds faling apart... but u still seem to be the only one to make it all right.. again.. coz u always fill up my memories with new beautiful and unforgettable memories to try to replace the old ones.. where everything was nth at all to u... now it seems that u care.. do u really?... i am sry i do admit i think too much just when someone question my love for u and feelings between us.. coz i got no confidence.. its strong from me to u once but now its kinda hard to let u in totally coz i scare that u may slam the brakes again..

Though i got the urge to tell u to let me go and leave me alone just now.. when i sent the msg, i thought of the days without u where i have stoppen moving... i wasn;t moving on.. i was neber gone before.. becoz i still picture i could bring u back and picture i could turn back to the time we were on the boat and starring at the stars.. the fireworks, clarke quay.. ,sentosa... so many things and memories just made me put a stop of letting u go... because i gotta hold on to u.. i dunno why.. but i just feel that way..

Because everytime i am determine to forget abt everything u made me remember the beatiful diasters happened to us.. how difficult it is to get together again... and how others just can't understand us and tried to separate us... like miss tan.. i dun understand why.. dun they noe its none of their business.. anyway i hate them..

I will hate myself if i told u to getaway just now.... i almost did but i did not in the end coz .... couldn't even bear to say gdbye..

And to others out there.. stop telling me what i should do and where i shld go... coz i had enough.. its none of ur business just mind ur own stuffs and stop making sacastic remarks thinking that its fun to see people sad and down.. and if u dun like the idea of me and him together then see no evil hear no evil speak no evil no one ask u to go find out wad happen next to us... so just shut up la okay .. i getting kinda tired to hear this and that for no reason that make my heart so confused and make me feel lost...

Okay its late at night le i gotta sleep le tml got test haiz. hehe

I miss u.. nitez

Fireworks

2006-08-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

Hi dere..

I finally manage to watch fireworks with him

It was nice but the view was kinda being blocked coz we were standing at the wrong side.. but overall i still think that the fireworks was beautiful..especially the last part which seems like a massive explosion and the sky is filled with fireworks.. it was damn nice *smile*

It was pretty crowded coz it was the last day for the fireworks display but he stand behind me and hold me and sort of make sure i can squeeze into the crowd to get a better view safely.. without knocking here and there or falling down.. thanks! *hehez*

I did not manage to take the photos for the fireworks coz i was too engrossed in watching it... the real one so sry i could not describe the fireworks but one thing i can say it was BEAUTIFUl wahahha..k la i have gone mad le hahaz

Humm okay so after having our dinner, watch the fireworks, we went to catch a movie .. it was beri nice... its call my super - ex gerlfriend... it was sort of abt a romance story and with some actions .. ect ect.. we enjoyed the movie.. but we bought the last min tickets so we have to sit at the front where i have to look up and my neck hurts after the movie hahaz..

During the movie my friend msg me.. and i asked him the gerl's name and it was joey.. humm...
Kinda sensitive but anyway i dun feel inferior to her.. not anymore .. coz i dun think i am that bad huh.. humm.. i mean i got my own talents and character and she;s different .. everyone;s unique...

It was pretty late then so we took the train home.. he sent me home and on the way i almost fall asleep ...

I went to work todae... it was quite fun and terence is working at the counter with me wang hua and lin min it was lin min de last day of work.. goodluck!!.. haha...

So.. after work i rushed home coz i beri tired then i forget to bring my hp so cannot contact anyone.. diaoz.. so when i just open my door.. my phone rang.. then i saw his message hehez..

I asked him to teach my maths so he called me to go his hse i think he cannot go out or sth so i went over there coz his hse was near my dads shop as well.. and guess wad on the way there i saw oreo... humm.. seriously now i will not really go compare me and her or the other her too much.. coz i realise they are .. sort of.. lians.. and i think she sort of recognise me so she just give me the look... then i was like diaoz.. wo de zui ni ahz but nvm... but since its the past then it shall be treated as past

So i went to his hse i did my maths.. and i felt so damn sleepy.. so he pulled out those cusion then u noe can drag out and sleep de mini bed.. so he did his folio in the living room then i just lie on the cushion for some time.. and i di dnot realise i fall asleep till 6.30.., he say he will call me up at 6 but he see me sleep till like pig then neber call me le diaoz...

I accompanied him to cut his hair.. humm new hairstlye worx not bad haha..

Then he pei wo go my pa's shop to get a invitation card..

Then i went home...

So now i just doin my math again..later studying vocab then can sleep le hehehe

K la.. anyway i really love the fireworks!!!!!

This time i wasn;t standing behing him hahaz..
Anyway.. time to go do work le !!!!

Elloha

2006-08-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

Todae humm got to stand for ten mins during miss mary's lesson hahaz.. coz me and xin were toking away (bleah)

But thats me ma.. if one day i am so quiet i guess sth is definitely wrong with me hahaz

Okay so in the end the vocab test was postphoned.. diaoz..

So last night i chatted with terence about some mac stuffs and some other things humm.. coz he first day go big mac centre worj then alreadi met with some big probs le .. lolx.. so trying to help him solve and to make him cool down but he seems like he is goin insane if this were to go on...relax my friend.. hahaz

Then after that i talked to douglas... then i was a little sleepy so i dunno how i end the conversation but i just fell asleep after telling him bye bye i guessed lolx... too tired le..hehez..

As for todae.. its a special day for him and me..

humm... look at the next entry hahaz

Happie three months

2006-08-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

Its been 3 mths since we got back together

There are times i feel like crying and holding on to you but at times i will just feel like letting you go or giving you up even if you will still be there..

I know i have a lot of expectations like wanting you to understand me more without having me to tell you a single thing and to understand my feelings of getting angry or upset because this means that i care for u .. rather than me not even bothered by a single thing you do

Even though at times i just feel like everything's so hard.. and my world's falling apart .. but eventually life goes on..

Makes no sense if i could pick up the pieces of memories we once had to put it together but to u.. u feel nth at all... nth at all...

To you wads the past is alreadi gone.. she and the past me..
To me.. i am not someone who can forget things easily.. or people living in my life that easily..

I think i need a miracle to make it through..

I wished i could turn back time.. coz i will make it all right..

For now .. even i could not picture u and me like the way we were a long time ago, i will still be here.. the same old me except that i have become stronger and more determine..i know what i wanna..

I can't let go... without u i just can't find my way so i will cherish.. i hope u learnt how to now...

I am still here waiting for you... for the day when u are back to the him i knew.. i know now u are by my side.. but i really hope to find back the you.. the past you.. even though the old you made my heart torn into a million pieces once.. but i really dun need u to change to who u are now or who u are trying to change to... i hope u understand..

In a perfect world.... th you i know will still be here.. i hope someday he'll be back..

But al i wanna say is HAPPY THREE MONTHS...

*smile*

Photos..NDP

2006-08-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

I'll promise you eternity if you promise me you'll stay

National Day...Beautiful Diaster

2006-08-10T13:15:00.000+08:00

humm.. him, me ,zhen,jun,chu ping and jin yu went out yesterday..
We did not manage to see the fireworks coz we waited for a long long time and i guess eveything was a falsed alarm

I was pretty upset coz no matter what i realise one thing..

its all fate.. all that don't belongs to me will not be mine coz it will be gone even if i hold on to it.. no matter what.. i admit i was disappointed that night

So when we were walking back to the mrt station heading for home i did not realised i was walking beri fast till he hold me to stop me.. but i only realise i was damn silent and looking into shops aimlessly...

HUmm.. coz its like every single thing i wanan do with him is always being destroyed.. trip to kusu when we reach there, the boat just left.. fireworks.. forget it..

zhen thought i was angry with her and chu ping and jin yu also.. but dun worry la i am just hating myself to let everyone just wait like a idiot there to see nth but river... diaoz

Me and my stupid idea of asking ppl out to watch fireworks

I thought of watching with him but he gave it up too in the end thats why i was kinda disappointed with him.. thats why i ignored him totally though he was toking to me beside me..

Till he know one place will make me feel better.. so he brought me to walk to raffles place.. the place we have lots of mamories... on the whole way he tried to console me .. blah blah blah.. haiz.. but nth can just erased the things in my mind.. maybe him and her is more fated to be together i guessed...

Anyway nvm abt it .. its over .. no point being stubbon over things that had no point even if i really wished it to hapen..

Somehow ... no point watching it again.... i will neber feel the same again.. he just dun understand it

The bridge, the river,fireworks

And so wad if he replace the ring.. it will neber be the same ring again.. every time we quarrel he will just say treat it as thats the old me.. then u have thrown me..the bad him away...

But things dun always get to be replaced....

He just dun understand... for him maybe in the past she can replaced me easily and now i can replace her in his heart easily again... someone else may just replace me again isn't

The things around us may seems to be the same but he dun understand.. even i have changed....try looking at everything again.. everything has changed...

No matter what that once belong to u and me.. no longer is there.. trust.. its forgotten

Live in my life...

Sometimes me myself will also feel confused... wth am i thinking

Why can't i just forget abt me and u.. and just move on

Why do i have to cling on someone that was once unfaithful to me...
Why am i here again...!!!
Why i like him more then they do... why can;t i just ignore him and dun even be bother by him anymore

this is more than i can take...

How am i supposed to feel.. there is so much running through my mind
First u wanan be free now u say u need me

I can't keep goin back to the start everytime u whisper sth sweet in my ears

I dunno what i want to do.. because my feelings are mixed...
I dun even know why i like him... hahaz

Anyway time to rest le... buaiz buaiz

Fireworks

2006-08-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

The greatest thing i wished to do is to watch it with u.. by my side.. not behind u when ur eyes weren;t on me anymore...

It really hurts when past memories rush through my mind...

Stop lying to me..
Stop breaking ur promises

All i needed was the truth...

You leave that time because all u see was the happiness infront of u that time not the past ..the happie times we once had.. was just nth to u i guess on 111105

I really wish to noe what happen but i dare not ask because i dun want to be arguing over it again and again and again

I am tired

Its gonna reach three months

2006-08-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

I dunno what will happen next.. full with uncertainty

I really dunno why but somehow i feel that history is just repeating itself.. quarreling over trival matters and ended up to be broken promises..

Do guys just like to say sry for wadeva they cannot fufil and wadeva they have done... like todae jasper made miss mary angry .. the whole class said sry to miss mary but she said a sentence that is beri true.. you go and commit a crime and say i am so sorry.. will it help?.. its useless..because it will sound insincere..

Misunderstandings just come between us because i dun understand whats ur intention .. i am not you.. i will not be knowing wads in ur mind..even when u are just trying to make me feel happy..

For me.. i told ya i am not that kinda understanding and gentle gerl... u shld have known right from the start... i am stubbon... guessed my friends also know that.. but they accept who i am so i hope u can accept who i am .. i will neber change for the sake of someone because if i change.. that is not me anymore... i hope u can understand..

Everytime when i am trying and starting to understand u more.. we always ended up quarreling... dun wish to but it just become a sort of cycle..

We quarrel.. we become closer..we almost break up then we are back together.. u are so tied down by me and i am so tied down by u too..

Stress?

I dunno...

I dun cry on the outside anymore

2006-08-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

I am sorry i dunno ur intention to make me happy on that day but i iwll neber know unless u tell me

I am stubbon but thats me

I can neber change and i iwll neber change coz i am hu i am

I misttoken u forgot abt the promises.. i dunno if u really rember or bother to fufil it but somehow .. i know u feel useless ..

You are neber useless to me .. no matter what.. i just wanna be with u so dun push me to any one else ever ever again like the past... coz no one will be able to replace the you in my life..

*Smile*

Though i was upset in the evening now i am okay le..

I miss you.. so dun worry i am not angry..

TMDZ

2006-08-05T12:25:00.000+08:00

Wad the hell my friendster kena hack...Ahhhh!!! now gotta add everyone again and all my testi is gone and my profile have to be updated again!!!!

Haiz!! Whoever is the bastard or whatever go die lah.. so bo liaoz... F>>> off!!!

Wa lao insult ppl beri dun huh .. sianz... hope he or she will get his or her retribution someday..

Kids read's fun!!

2006-08-03T22:57:00.000+08:00

ello.. humm today is kinda busy for me coz got lots of things to be done..

recently my dad's shop's opened.. i helped out there whenever i am free hehez.. kinda fun

As for today after school i got chem remedial with ramesh.. he seems to be in a gd mood todae.. xin shld noe what i toking abt haha

Then i went home... xin waited for seet over at my place

Then i rush to my higher chinese lesson at amk

Then i went to admiratly to teach kids to read .. for my CIP it will last for two mths

its fun .. i love some of the kids there... she even give me a sticker of hello kitty and donald and daisy hehez... i rememebr some of them.. like dini.. lyn... terence ect ect.. they were so cute... not forgetting arcman his eyes were so big.. somemore there is a guy call naufa hahaz

We played soem games and listened to stories .. i find the instructor kinda impatient .. in the end she turns out to be henry's wife.. lolx .. last time thompson de manager but he comin to amk.. he wanna transfer lolx..

I love the kids!!! except for a horny kid there name samuel.. we predict he will be a sex maniac someday coz he is damn pervert.. ekk!!!

okay la overall i enjoy myself there hehez

I just chatted with terence.. he gona start work on national day.. by then i think li san will let me quit le hehe

Hope he will do his best there and show them how gd thompson crew leader can be though the mac is small.. haha anyway back to the point..

I still have a promise unfufilled with him during national day *smile.. guess it will come true this year..

I love you...

Higher chinese .. haiz

2006-07-31T21:19:00.000+08:00

I regretted taking hmt.. so stress..

Anyway today we went for the test and jamie almost just walk out of the class.. hahaz.. we both felt like doin that anyway lolx.. its just that jamie changed quite a lot i thought she would cry when mr liu said those sacastic stuffs in the end she was the one trying to say some .. ahem vulgaries lolx.. but anyway we both feel like slamming the door and walk out just like that .. he is so.. damn ridiculous lor.. sacastic fellow but he is quite a kind teacher thats why in the end we all stay in class lor... neber tui xue.. or else we long ago leave the class le .. wth lolx

Well well.. but though i also feel like just giving attitude to him but me myself dun like people not beng act beng.. not lian go dress up and act like lian.. thats why i will also think of how i will look if i really do that.. if i were to slam the door or wadsoeva i am as useless as them so i rather just stay for the sake of completing my o levels first... attitude probs can be settle later lolx.. thats how jamie feel too.. we pay for the exam le leh!! 58 dollars haiz.. so expensive lolx...

Today madam lim let me do a chinese test it was rather easy but jus ti wasn;t in the mood to do the paper so i took my own sweet time till i have a question i did not complete... she say take it as a practise for me or else too long neber write chinese le the brain will become rusty
As for my real hmt test todae.. it was okay bahz..

Today i got back my chemistry test papers.. i did quite well.. feel happie.. but i am scared of getting back my additional maths paper.. i dun have confidence but in any case.. wads done is done.. i can only work harder rite hehez

Today he passed me our neoprints coz got two shares .. he got one and i got the other one.. i passed him his keys too..

We did smile and talk a little to each other..

But i still feel a little awkard coz i am still not sure abt my decision

I trying to see if the week.. will my feelings swing bahz..

Sometimes.. i only have sth to say bahz.. i neber wanna look back and say how was i to know i miss you so...

Guessed the feeling of being regretful is worst than being heart broken..

Today jamie told me she dun mind abt even just being with him for a while.. a short period of time.. she also xin gan qing yuan...

Thats how i felt in the past..

Though i told me not to hug me if his mind is with someone else when we broke up .. its really not fair .. to her and to me..

Sometimes i also really tired to write stories here.. i know my friends cares for me..and my buddies but so?.. there are still some people reading bloggies to tease people and ect ect.. giving negative comments.. hypocrites..hahaz well i keep using this word but its true..

My friend told me she had enough faking a smile it hurts.. i know how it feels thats wad i told her.. she dunno whether to continue to smile or to just cry when she feels like.. i just wanna say she got a choice now... in the past i am worst.. i dun have a choice .. i am working .. i gotta smile no matter how hurt it feels looking into his eyes or how sad i am seeing him doing the things to her that he did to me once before..

thinking over it now heart will still ache..

Is it coz i feel inferior?.. i guessed so..

Anywayy never mind abt these..

today after my hmt lesssons me and jamie walked from there to amk to shop a while and we went home after that.. on the way home i was thining about him and a guy i hurt before.. i know how it feels being ignored ... ect ect.. now i noe how he feels.. while i was thinking.. i realises people really dunno how to cherish things they get easily... nowadays people go for looks and being more and more realistic... unfaithful... i have seen enough around me .. friends being heart broken blah blah blah... maybe guys feels that sweet talks are so persuasive to every gerls bahz...

And i saw the guy i hurt... we just said hi to each other and walked past each other ...

Maybe the feeling he once had is the feeling i felt that time too... i guessed so

OKay.. so all in all.. today is still a happie day .. just a little incomplete without min and linh.. we hugged each other b4 they go for their OBS...

Hope they are doin fine there.. miss them hehez

So..Miss you ... from the bottom of my heart.. ..... .... ......

Smile

2006-07-30T23:08:00.000+08:00

I decided to let myself cool down.. till next sat.. guessed will get the answers by then..

No matter what.. i really just wanna be with him .. though unhappy pasts will be raked up at times and quarrels may occur between us but i will neber be the stubbon zhen who will neber give in to anyone .. no more.. i gotta learn to understand ppl more

It doesn;t matter what the others say ...it doesn;t matter how long it will takes it only matters how true we were... and folllow our heart.. i am breaking that habit today...

I once found myself.. and ran away from reality to deny the fact that i still care...for you..
Maybe all the coincidence became our destiny.. i will not be afraid of what will be happening ahead.. all i noe is that yesterday is gone.. right now i belong to this moment ot my dreams.. i will be strong even if it all goes wrong.. because i know you will be there somewhere .. i will not give up and wil not break down i believe sooner or so life will seems to turn around right?? smile...

I found someone to live for in the world... its the person i gave my heart to.. though he may have given it away once.. but all i know is i dun wanna be anywhere but here...

You still owe me my kusu trip lolx!!...

Anyway seriously i am okay lolx.. i am not that down as it seems its just that at times will be on the verge of crying when i think of certain stuffs.. not everyday also liek that de la hahaz...

But like i say i am fine ... the same old yewzhen .. you know the crazy gerl hahaz.. well the message below is for some unfaithful guys i just wanna say it may sound a little bad .. but i just wanna say this to the GUY

Today i consoled my friend.. last time is she console me.. now is the other way round.. she is my best friends so whoever wanna mess with her... guessed i will not like him that much too bahz....i hated that guy.. damn.. bastard... sry to use these vulgarities i usually hated ppl to use these words but i really think he is such a idiot!! If you think you can just walk right through her door just like that and leave her just like that.. i am sorry.. i dun give a damn of wadeva reason you have.. one thing.. you hurt her .. you think that gerls feelings can be played with then i think you better just f_ _ _ off... i was so pi_ _ ed off when i heard the reason lor.... i know it is none of my buisness but no matter what you let me see my best friend shed tears for you so i dun care if you will be unhappy if u r reading this or wadsoeva.. if u not happy then dun read my bloggie thats all i can say... anyway one thing la just F_ _ _ _ off la okay...

I am sorry to those reading my blog.. i know i am rude i dun like to use vulgarities but for now i gotta break that own principle of mine coz seriously you will not feel good to see your best friends around you shed tears for someone who is not worth it...

For now... i hope my friend can cheer up!!!! *smile* you dun need to rely on someone just to survive... it may not be easy to forget everything.. but just try to make urself happy.. dun always live in the past and memories like me... i am trying hard to get out of my pasts.. i dun wanna ....

One thing i cannot understand is ppl say me and her look alike.. diaoz.. never mind... so so...

Now its time for me to just try not to think of anything else... keep my mind away from stressful stuffs.. just be myself and the happy me .. hehez

Min and linh goin for OBS tml.. goodluck darlings!!! muacks

Not forgetting xin.. i gotta see ur face for this whole week haiz sianz.. hahaz no la... xin we must hu xiang yi lai le worx.. our two buddies will be away .. lolx

And zhen... i will always be there for you as a friend to talk to.. my ears are always open okie..!!!!

I LoVe YoU!*smile* ( to the special someone)

pics i shoot yesterday.. ahem but please dun puke... lolx..jkjk

2006-07-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

My prize presentation *smile

2006-07-30T14:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we went to get our prizes..

I saw my higher chinese teacher there and he talked to madam lim then i was sort of being criticised for not attening hmt lessons.. but i can swear i really dunno when to go back to class ... jaime also dunno thats why we did not go.. not that we did it on purpose ..

Anyway we got third and i was pretty happie..

We went to jurong for the prize giving and then to amk for another event at night.. thats why i went to my mac.. saw her ..

Somehow at times i do feel inferior...

But the greatest difference between me and her is that i am neber unfaithful..like i say before....

But she got the qualities to ditch people so no comments...

Linh message me todae to ask abt why i look so down yesterday.. thanks linh.. min too .. and xin.. and not forgetting zhen.. wei xiong everyone else.. i realise there are a lot of people around me who cares for me..Thanks!! muacks hahaz..

Actually its just me being paranoid.. i keep thinking too much..
Nothing much happen to me and him.. i did told him abt my thoughts but in the end .. we are still happy to be have each other...l.. me and him went to clarke quay and i told him abt how i felt... while he told me about his ring... i am really quite touched to know that he actualy mended the ring.. he cherished it...

He's answer is he will say no to my idea of ending everything

My answer is....

I will not make the same mistakes as you did. i will not myself cause my heart so much misery.. i will not break the way you did ... you fell so hard.. you neber thought of anyone else you just saw your own pain in the past and so do i.. but now i learnt to understand people more.... though i am still the stubbon yew zhen hahaz..... i still cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing...whenever i find myself in this situation .. all i know is that you're not here.. when you're here.. is not that i scared you will laugh at me is that i dun wish to cry infront of you.. to see my weaknessess..

Because of you .. i tried my hardest just to forget everything... i will... to forget the days i worked.. the reason i work..and forget of some hypocrites there... i just wanna go back to the life i used to lead.. i dun have to guess who is true to me... who is not.. with my true friends and people i love..because working life is complicated... people wears a mask.. i know jun liang may be reading this right hahaz.. but thats really how i feel..i not saying you la hahaz... people smile to you but u neber know when they are just making use of you...
And most of the guys just see cute and pretty gerls and they will go and woo them when they dun even understand them... they dun even look into the mirror to reflect on themselves.. people kept critising each other without looking at their own imperfection.. and gerls flirting any good looking guys that are around... well like i said its complicated... collegues even smoke and act like bengs and lians when they are not... they think thats cool but that makes me wanna puke... me and my friends hate ppl to smoke and fight.. for no reason.. it only destroy your own image.. especially for gerls.. anyway.. never mind abt it coz i told lisan i gonna quit...

Its my final choice.. coz i just dun like to be there somehow... i like thompson more.. with kim around.. with jaime .. terence, peter... at least they are not hypocrites...

But terence coming to amk le.. he is a good crew leader... not bad hahaz.. just wanna wish him goodluck bahz.. maybe someday he can become a manager too lolx...

Anyway .. next week can give lisan letter le then i will be free!!!! *smile* !!

Getaway

2006-07-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

I must say this entry mabe quite boring but i just wanna say how i really feel...

How am i supposed to feel? so much running through my mind

First you wanna be free now you say you need me.. its so had to let you in, thinking you might slam the brakes again.. the traffic in my brain;s driving me insane this is more than i can take..

You tell me that you love me first then throw your heart into reverse..

I can't keep coming back to you everytime you're in the mood to whisper sth sweet in my eyes.... its so hard to move on coz everytime i think u're gone, u showed up in my rearview mirror..

But the truth is i cannot even say goodbye

Maybe i should just give up..

I know you are beri good to me now.. you regretted what u've done.. you made a detour.. but will it just be another tragedy...

I cannot forget the days without you, i stopped moving..
Lost ...

Its been sometime.. at times i still feel like on the verge of crying.. why?.. i know i still care for you.. i still feel for you but why am i thinking allt hese things ??

I guessed i just dun wanna get hurt anymore.. the one thing i am scared of is losing hold of you.. letting go of the past will not be easy... i wanna go back to the beri beginning.. remember the times we were still shy.. and the times we joke with each other.. but i cannot

There were places we will go at midnight .. but i dunno why .. it feels so different being there .. again

You learnt to cherish i learnt it too.. but i really love you no more like the past... you stolen my world.. you changed my life.i am the one who made you feel and made you sad.. i am not sorry.. for what we did and hu we were i am neber sorry coz i am not her...

These few days i was thinking .. a lot of stuffs.. but you were neber the one there for me.. though you consoled me.. and comfort me.. but it wasn;t the time i really need you.. whenever i wished you will be right by my side.. you were neber there..

someone told me before he will always be there for me.. that is the phrase i will neber forget from him because he was always there whenever i needed help.. and whenever i am down.. he told me making me cry is like stabbing his own heart.. i know i let him down but i will neber forget the things he did for me.. but you...

Beacuse of you.. i broke my promises to myself to neber goin back to you...

Beacuse of you .. i bear with whatever they wanan say about me and you... even if they accused me for being with you just for ur rank....i even bear with whatever the managers says and whatever the others at mac says.. they say we were neber serious.. we were neber true to each other..i am just a subsitude...

Because of you i went to worked but the day i transfeered there was the day you was with her..

You know what... you told me to ignore but .. i cannot...

You said you saw the reflection of me when u was with her.. u siad u did not totally forget me.. because times even though we both knew it was not right .. but we still came down to chat.. the place we had memories..

Sometimes i wonder.. if these were true?... i really dunno when you are lying to me.. you lied .. and made excuses its not that i did not realise is that i dun wanna noe... i dun wanna admit that u lied... though its the past but its still you...

I can only say you may not be the him i knew two years ago... he is dead... he changed...the perfect him is just left in my mind from 11th sept 2005

You broke my heart that day

I hated you... i really hate you!!!! is that how i feel??...

The first thing when we were back together you asked me if i still hate you.. the truth is.. i have neber hated you before..

The day of count down.. fireworks.. your eyes.. u no longer see me... you were looking at her.. with those eyes and the way you onced looked at me...

I am such a fool to be knowing that waiting for you is like waiting for rain in such a drought..useless and disappointing... and i still waited...though i was together with someone else.. i have neber liked him before... you were the only one ...

I have done stupid things just because of you.. i put down my pride just because of you... being humilated by ppl in my mac at first.. still rememeber the rider... saying things that hurt me ... and i still gotta fake a smile.. a laugh everyday when i worked... till when i was alone.. then i start to show my weaknesses.. tears..

The day comes where u fufilled my promises u did not fufill last time..

My roses.. my boat trip...

I am happy .. thanks.. but i no longer is that happy anymore..

Whenever you do something for me you used to do.. i will only remember the times i lost you..

Whenever you make a promise and vow.. i will think of times you broke your promises...

Why must you always make me feel... confused?

Why must you be the one...??

Love is just a word till it is proven..

I dun even noe when i will understand that

i only wanna say... should i end it now?...

Haben i tell myself to work hard to achieve what i desire? Let go of my yesterday?

2006-07-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

I hate myself..

I thought i made up my mind to work had to get wad i wanna..

I just feel so alone and just wanna run away.. from reality .. why am i feeling this way?

Let go of my yesterday? Whats done is done..

I wanna forget the reasons why i can't in life and start to try.. even if i am a failure becoz in a moment everything can change..

I hate myself.. YEWZHEN WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sobx ...

Tokoyo Drift

2006-07-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

Hi there.. humm on sat me and him was suppose to watch the movie premier at sentosa but in the end we got there but no more tickets le .. but we still decided to go into sentosa to walk or sth.. and we climbed till the top of one of the building and we can see the beautiful sceney there.. i loved the feeling of the wind blowing on my face.. though it made my hair sort of beri messy but i dun really mind.. as long as i am happie i dun wanna be tied down by anything .. or by anyone else's words

We then went to grab sth to eat .. the chicken rice was nice and then we continue to find our way to the location where the movie is screened.. and we finally found our way there though we almsot went the wrong way hahaz.. we can sort of peep ... coz the screen wasn't blocked completely.. but we just sat at the table near there.. chatted and chatted.. till we decide to go somewhere else.. usual place for me and him....

So we took the train and alighted at our usual place.. a place full of memories.. there he wanted me to crashed the can of drink as flat as possible and throw it away.. representing me forgetting the unhappy .. pasts.. with him.. but i must say it will not be easy

Promised Island.. vows... promises from me to him and him to me.. but i really dun think i can look at these the same... but i will try to give him the trust we need..

But overall we did had a fun day.. but later on the way back we kept silent coz of some topics...

As for yesterday he, my dad and i went to chong pang to eat ice kachang blah blah blah coz my dad need to get a lock for his shop..

Theres a joke on the frog's egg.... diaoz... only he an dmy dad noes...

Then i chatted with him till pretty late..

Then for today i went out to accompany him to get materials ti be used in this d and t project..

I dunno was will happen in the future but for now.. I LOVE YOU!!!

buaiz everyone.. hope u will also find someone to live for in this world soon ... *smile

Fantasy

2006-07-21T13:26:00.000+08:00

Ello.. here i am again hehez..

Humm.. last night i chatted with him.. on the phone for more than three hours or so i guessed.. but i kept hanging his phone coz i got a bad habit of me keep pressing my phone's button when chatting hahaz .. diaoz

Anyway we had a nice chat and i am frank to him and he told me about madam lim.. and other stuffs.. he said he wanna change coz he know i dun like people to give attitude and fight and smoke and wadsoeva.. i just told him dun change himself just to meet my expectations .. though i dun like people to act cool but somehow i just wanna him to be hu he really is.. though i told him he is no longer the one i knew before.. he changed and i changed too.. learning how to play on the safe side so i dun get hurt..

I told him abt how i feel when i got the roses.. on my birthday...though it wasn't blue roses that i liked i felt happie but i guessed no longer will be that happy like the past... he said he could sensed it too... but he know the feeling of regret ... i told him i knew the meaning of heartache..

If unknowingly we meet again somehow, i dun wanna lose u the second time.. thats how i feel before we all begin again..

We were frank to each other telling how we felt and we chatted kinda lots of stuffs.. till something happen.. not between me and him but some other stuffs...i was beri worried abt him but after that everything falls into place..

Actually.. i dun understand why i can't just leave him behind .. forget abt our promises and my promise to myself.. they say time heals everything... really? or am i just scared that it will just be a detour? i guessed it goes to show.. we dun understand each other well enough but i'll try and hope he will too to mantain this bahz..

Humm .. no wi am just using computer to find some pics and brushes for adobe photoshop so i can start designing some stuffs..

And i have a good news!! wahahha madam lim recieved a call from the organiser that the video on the chinese drama...i edited got into the finals and we actually will win a prize the person sort of say it was top 3 but he obviously will not say which ... *smile!!! felt so happie... but also a little guilty coz if i knew it was depended on solely the video in the first place, i will not mind spending another night editing it coz that time i was in a rush so everything was just average... xin , min ,linh , yi jie and huifong, not forgetting di yao they acted beri well too.. without them, no video will be created in the first place... humm though they are not professional actors and have no experience i still think they act beri good .. nice show hahaz..

No matter what it did boost my confidence of my dreams.. i almost gave it up coz i feel i wasn;t creative enough ..but i think after gaining these experience.. will improve bahz.. slowly .. bit by bit.. hehez..

That time the popcorn mtv we got third.. but the disc di yao haben return me.. i guessed he lost it coz when i ask him todae he say got meh??..haiz suan le..

i wanna keep a disc of videos i have edited all these so that next time when i grow up i can see those funny scenes ect ect

Anyway work hard to achieve what you all desire!!!!

If we unknowingly meet again someday, i dun wanna lose you the second time

2006-07-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

Ello.. recently my dad's busy preparing for the opening of his shop ..

For me, i am busy with my tests, my studies and trying to design some templates hehez.. well this saturday me and him goin to sentosa to watch the movie premier.. *smile* guessed it would be kinda fun.. and guessed what, in the morning i am even goin to go back to NBPS to helped to tend some fun fair stalls.. seems to be pretty busy hahaz... but i liked the feeling of being occupied with meaningful events and stuffs like that coz i will feel.. well satisfied if everything falls into place.. unless something goes wrong then i will start to panic le lorx hahaz..

Actually wanted to performed for teacher's day with my friends and to asked most of the people from out class.. but then come to think of it i gotta think of dance steps again and min they all goin for OBS soon.. no time to practise.. that time racial harmony and all these we spent a week or so but now we do not have enough time to make it for the audition bahz so i guessed i'll just dropped the idea le ...

OKay.. so yesterday i went to zhen house.. and we chatted a lot of stuffs.. and we had our dinner together as well.. hehez.. thanks zhen! coz if u were to asked me to edit videos i am okay with it but when it comes to design templates and membership cards.. i got the programme but i dun really have the talent to actually really come up with something suitable bahz... but i'll learn.. because though i wanna become a video editor or sth in the media industry i still have to learn some simple techniques abt handling and editing graphics... haiz.. sems to have a long way to go but i'll try *smile*

As for today, as usual my school life is actually pretty interesting at times .. with my three buddies and ofcourse my other friends hehez.. me and xin had a great time playing with my daisy todae during lessons.. diaoz lolx.. it was kinda fun to have daisy and sugar around especially when the lesson;s boring.. now almost half of the class know SUGAR.. see he's so famous hehez.. coz sugar's so cute.. and xin loved it a lot .. i knew it.. but i will not give it to her hahaz.. coz is my lao ba give de ( jasper)... actually is i like the dog a lot la coz the fur beri nice to touch wahaha

today i had remedial to five plus coz of the chemistry ... haiz.. but time pass quite fast for the three hours.. we loved miss liu .. its a pity she'd to go.. but we'll miss her .. i love her teaching method because she doesn;t rush and teach for the sake of completing the syllabus .. not like mr ramesh always rush thing... but end up no one understand wth he toking abt lor.. for miss liu she makes sure we understand EVERYTHING.. love you miss liu.. but goodluck in ur NIE... though she may not see it but just wanan wish her gdluck ..

Oh ya.. before the remedial when i was eating lunch.. he sat at the table next to mine.. i felt pretty bad to asked him to move his bag to the other side hahaz.. but who ask their bag to be so extra hahaz jkjk.. anyway he got the thingy from miss tan.. mEdiA tEcH.. for his contribution and he got a gold.. well well.. is i suggest de worx hahaz.. coz that time miss tan ask me for suggestion last yr while i was preparing for the mediatech camp then i told her abt the badge and token of appreciation thingy.. i did not realise she was serious ... lolx. he gave it to me... to keep for now i guessed... or he lazy to bring home hahaz... but thanks ...

Actually beri few people will noe my story bahz..abt times in primary school.. unhappy stuffs .. coz i only tell people i am close to.. so far i think less than 4 know bahz...hahaz.. i did not really have a beri unforgettable and meanigful childhood.. i have been through quite a lot of things.. regarding friendship.,. relationship and family matters.. ...(for that my brother will know.. somehow sth we both will not want to rake up bahz.. )...

I realised not all ppl are trustable even the one u really trust may just betray u one day.. so i actually kept a lot of things to myself... is not that i dun wanna share is that even if i say it out i think that i will not feel better and no one will be able to help so i kept quiet..

As i grow up.. when i first got into secondary school.. its a turning point for me.. coz i start afresh...

Joining mediatech is one of my unforgettable memory too.. from there i knew him and douglas... they make me feel concern and care by someone ... but the first we ended..its my fault coz that time i was too young le bah.. i think that love is just a word till it is proven..i feel that all is just nth.. so i ended.. the second is when i really start to know the meaning of being loved and to care for him, he left me just like that.. retrubution?.. i guessed so....

They say if one day you went to a beautiful place and you felt it was so beautiful.. it was so nice.. neber go back to the palce for a second time..because you may neber find the same beautiful memories of the first time ever again.. does that mean that it was wrong for me to accept him? will it be just a detour?... i dunno..

Its true that there will be a gap especially from me to him.. becoz i gave him my heart but he gave it away.. i tried to give it to someone special but it just won't work.. coz the truth is i can't even say good bye..

Mediatech leaves me with beautiful memories having a fun time playing and joking with seniors when i was in sec one.. ( still naive lolx)... we had fun times.. me and zhen with wei xiong .. dennis.. jacky... ect ect... when we do duties we were so ever hype and excited.. ( me i mean haha).. but after miss tan found out abt me and doug.. she suspected me of being a gerl with motive..to tell u the truth i was shocked but more of sad when i hear it becoz i have neber thought of using someone to get wad i want.. it was one of the reason why we were so stressed at that time.. i was beri down.. why can;t they just believe me.. do i look like such a gerl to them??... i hate them...

As times goes by .. doug knew i was unhappy abt his rank.. and he wasn;t happie with his rank and ms tan either so he gave up his position.. i thought everything was solved but it was just the beginning

We begin to quarrel .. i neber give in to him coz i always thought i was right .. like i said i know i am a little stubbon sometimes..

He found someone he admit he dun even noe at all and dun even understand at all... thats what he wrote in his compo.. but he wrote he was sad but he dun care... i guessed.. maybe its true

i dun wanna care abt the past but i comes auto to my mind..
She stolen my world.. i hated her.. do i?... i dunno but i guessed no.. i know she's more pretty and everything nice.. she's cute.. the only difference is that i am neber unfaithful... and i dun treat it as a game.. i'll neber be with someone or love someone if i dun understand him..

What goes around comes around..

For hating you i blame myself...

Yeah..

2006-07-17T15:57:00.000+08:00

My listening compre o level is over wahaha.. now can take a break till october for my main papers. Today's listening was pretty easy. Jaime and i checked the answers after that and we wrote all the same answers! *smile*..that means at least we two think alike huh?.. okay .. humm.. well well.. actually before the exam i dunno why i got a slight headache and felt like vomiting .. jaime was so scared that i gonna faint or vomit during the exam lolx.. dun worry my friend.. hahaz

Actually these few days i did felt pretty happie coz i got a lot of people around me to seek help from and to care for me..

For example i did not know my dad will help me lie to protect and help me hahaz ( only me and him know wads goin on hehez)

I got him , my friends and my best buddies in the school ( the three of them .. linh , min,xin) not forgetting zhen to accompany down to chat and went out to have a nice day..

I loved them !! hahaz.. sometimes the greatest gift you can get from anyone is their care and concern .. and not forgetting love and friendship...

Sad to you now i get what i wanna.. i have my best buddies, friends, him, my family and guessed wad.. my studies i guessed i am regaining my confidence ...this weeks test i gotta score well le hehez

Wei xiong sent me a song yesterday i think its beri nice .. thanks friend!! Haben heard from him and some other seniors lately guessed we were all busy .. but goodluck for everything they do too

Last night i still told him i will keep my promise .. because like i said the beri big difference between me and her is .. i am never unfaithful.. but i doesn't mean that i can promise you my forever...

But no matter what.. thanks for letting me have what i once lost .. and doing things we used to do.. i love clarke quay..*Smile* well i will not forget what i owe you so its just about when bahz..

And now that my father's shop's open.. i will go and help up and think of ways to decorate his shop and to help him manage his shop too hehez...

He promised to helped too.. thanks! hehez

So.. now i go listen to songs le worx.. buaiz hehe

Hehez

2006-07-16T19:49:00.000+08:00

Today me and him went to help my dad to paint and clean his new shop hehez.. my brother came along too... we had kinda fun day... filled with laughters though it was pretty tiring hehez

Anyway .. no matter what the others say.. i just wanna be with hu i wanan now.. *smile

Tml is my o level listening gotta sleep early todae lolx

Hehez goodluck to whoever taking the exams too

and all the best

Phew my o level chinese ...

2006-07-14T15:28:00.000+08:00

Ello.. i just came home from school .. just had my oral exam for my o levels.. i hope i can make it. I stubbered i little because i was too nervous... i guessed the tone i used to read wasn't quite there just now... but i manage to read the passage loud and at least a little with emotions..for the conversation part, the question wasn't too difficult .. i guessed its quite simple but just that the difficult is u have to speak whateva that comes to ur mind ... i almost forget a few points but last min i told the teachers my last point of view.. phew..

But no matter what, its over!!! wahahha.. now can rest le..but on monday got listening exam.. i hope i can get my a's *smile*.. coz one of the subject i have confidence in is my chinese.. this year is taking the normal chi exam next year is the hmt exam..

I now already quite stress luckily i did not take malay or else i will be damn exhausted lolx... i still remember that time i register le then neber report hahaz..(bleah).. coz come to think of it i have to learn a brand new language to me... it means i goota start from the basics.. i am too impatient le

Now like i say i gonna buke up worx...

Studeis may not mean everything and cannot prove if a person's is capable or not.. but a cert can bring u to a higher position and better salary at first.. its all hard work to get a cert...

The society now is beri reliastic.. no cert.. they dun even consider u...
With a cert and better results at least can get a stable job first then can prove that u're capable later on...

Media industry? .. i still considering if i wanna walk that path.. it means i gotta edit videos like i always do.. or film stuffs...ect ...

Accounting? ... maybe can be a secretary or sth ..?? or open up a business ?.. humm...

I dunno.. but i only noe now my goal is as simple as it seems.. score well in my exams ... then look into my future.. no more past memories of wadeva and whoeva..

One thing i am different from her is when u fight, i care coz i am scared u will get urself hurt...
And i am not unfaithful

So kinda not happy when they say i looked like her and wadsoeva..

But now studies first *smile

Work hard to achieve what i desire~

Do i still feel for him?

2006-07-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

You're wrong if you think you can walk right through my door. That is just so you coming back when i am already gone. Doesn't matter what you do, its wad you've did that's hurting you. You know you did it i am gone to find someone to live for in this world.What comes around goes around you should know by now.Its all about take you took too much.

Coz i can't take it anymore.. i am barely hanging on.. getaway.. go on and get out of my head.. swallow me and spit me out.. for hating you i blame myself.. seein you it kills me now... no i dun cry on the outside anymore.. can't deny, can't pretend.. broken up deep inside but you won't get to see the tears i cry..

Since you been gone i can breathe for the first time.. i am so moving on . sad to you.. now i get .. wad i want..

Everything seems to be the same around me but when i look again, everything had changed..

I no longer feel anything even when i read your composition accidentally....i should be happy.. but i am not... i dunno if you're the one i was waiting for.. are you still you? The one i knew a year ago?.. i hate you..

You're the one who made me feel, made me sad , made me cry.. but all in all.. maybe its really over from me to you.. i know you're sincere now but i guess i am no longer hu i am.. i can no longer love u the way i did...

I dunno

Maybe i need sometime to think over everything again..

I just want you to know..

I am neber unfaithful .. is you hurt me too much

2006-07-13T07:09:00.000+08:00

Ello.. long time neber update le coz i am busy with my work recently..

Got tonnes of homework that i owe teachers .. chemistry , physics , additional maths, e maths, ect ect.. and tml is my chinese o level oral.. madam lin tried it out with me ysterday.. i was shivering lorx lolx..stress....

The words were pretty simple .. but its just i am nervous coz thinking that its my i level i just cannot relax.. coz once its over i cannot change my marks...

But in the end i manage to do pretty well the secong trial.. coz i kept thinking if i can speak infront of so many ppl on stage why can't i speak to two teachers sitting infront of me..

Thats why the secong trial i got everything into place.. no more shivering.. getting more confident but still a little nervous

Especially teacher wanna me and jamie to get 8 a1s coz only we two have the eight subjects ..except for those who requested triple pure science ..but can see that she wanna jaime to do better than me coz she's her form teacher..

But like i said.. i will do my best .. for nobody else.. just for my own satisfaction.. working hard to acieve what i desire

I dun wanna lose what i once had before.. him, my good results in the past, my confidence ...

Time to buke up le yew zhen!!!

Whats important to me is no longer the past.. memories can be stored into your mind.. foreva.. but neber keep living in your memories.. wads important is my present and future ahead

My dream of learning media..

So.. goodluck to everyone

Editing

2006-07-09T16:05:00.000+08:00

A moment ago i got a big prob.. haiz.. camera not working, tape not able to be taken out.. no fire wire.. video capture programme not working.. wth..

Luckily my friends around me helped me solved it one by one.. i went to jun sian hse to try capture the video then we found that the stupid old damn camera miss tan lend us wasn't working... and even the battery is like so.. haiz nvm...

Though i couldn't capture the video out, jun sian thanks!!.. sry to delayed u for ur tution ...

Then i asked dennis for helped.. there he tried to get my tape out.. if the tape is gone.. i am finished lolx.. we found that the ribbon of the tape was stuck in the camera.. he tried to get it out and wind the tape for me .... it was the camera that was malfunction...

Phew.. but i dun trust miss tan camera le.. so i used my own video camera to see if my shot was still inside.. part of it was destroyed but lucikly yesterday i started to shoot in the middle overwritting the last two days shot so only the front part shots that cannot be used was gone...

Now i goin to mac to ask dennis to help me capture the video coz my com.. only the video editor programme is working.. the video capture programme have some problem....

Later i goin home to edit maybe till 10 plus or so.. hope its enough coz editing isn't easy but i like filming and editing is one of my interest.. though everythin goes so wrong coz of improper equipments, i still will not give up easily.. especially when i gotten help from so many ppl.. douglas even bought a new fire wire .. and help me run errands the last two days.. felt so guilty to keep asking help from dennis whenever i take part in filming competition.. though he say he dun mind but its like today is sunday and i make him go find and buy the wire to connect to his laptop and the camera.. sorry.. and i made jun sian sort of late for his tution (pai sei)..

Since the video contains so many ppl's effort.. min,xin ,yi jie, hui fong, di yao, linh.... me and jaime.. i must at least try my best to complete editing a good video out.. even if we didn't win.. we can keep the video for memories....that will neber be forgotten.. we got a gd time filming.. laughing here and there.. made new frens and got to know yi jie hui fong and yi le better... and able to worked as a team to get this done..

And lessons learnt.. equipments must be in good condition and neber do last min filming.. coz if sth goes wrong a lit of ppl will be implicated..

OKie.. no matter wad now i goin mac to ask dennis help me with the capturing part.. so.. i will do my best ... *smile*

Jia you!! lolx

Filming

2006-07-08T14:49:00.000+08:00

Back to the start hehez.. doing things i like and being with ppl i like... though i m rather quiet now coz i just thought of some sad memories.. i will try to forget it hehez..

The first video competition i did was with him and andrea ..zhen... i remember the times.. at sungei buloh.. sometimes i really wonder why i just cannot forget him .. do we really know what is the meaning of love... anyway i just wanna think to much .. coz i just wanna be with hu i wanna and do things i love...

I love filming.. i love editing videos.. now here i am again .......

He's the one in this world for me... for those sad memories.. " go on and get out of my head ... "*smile*

No matter what they say ..no matter how she look at us or think abt us.. i wil try to ignore

...........

Destiny- back to my dreams

2006-07-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Humm.. hi dere hahaz.. okie todae after school me and my group of friends gotta discuss abt a competition.. and i just recieved my cert for the school video awards last year hehez..

Humm.. well guess i am back to the start lolx..think that good friends around me will know that i love filming videos mtv.. ect for competition and for the fun of it..... and doing backstage stuffs ..thats my aim .. to get a place in the filming industry as a video editor and sth like that hehe

It is pretty difficult because you will have to have connections and pull strings... but when there is a will there is a way lolx.. so i believe as long as i work hard and devote my time to learning how to use more editing softwares and to attend workshops.. someday at least will get wad i wanna.. work hard to achieve what i desire *smile*

So far i think that i took part in more than 4 competition based on filming le bahz.. ... most of it though we worked hard.. miss tan changed everything ... but i still kept a copy of my own work and our own videos coz i am sure our work is definitely better than hers hahaz...proud that the pop corn thingy we got third ... that is also one of the thing that motivates me even though sometimes miss tan may just make sacastic remarks..

Somehow now miss tan is better le bahz.. todae borrowed the equipments from her.. she did not hesitate then just allow me to bring home.. she first time so enthu to help me ... hahaz..even madam lin was shocked of her being so nice ... and she say wa she trust u so much ah neber say anything then lend u.. humm hahaz... coz last time always show her attitude coz of certain things so she also not beri satisfied with me ...anyway now also will respect her le since she did not interfere my personal life le hehez..

Like i said.. i love filming.. and editing.. seeing ur own work u will feel satisfied.. i hope this video will be shoot out nice and succesful.. did not have to win but just gain experience is gd enough.. still a long way for me to get into the industry if i wanna

Now its time for me to go continue doing my work le ... i got my own dreams.. think u all also have right.. so wish u all all the best also must work hard hard to achieve the things u want.. maybe its time to think of wad u wanna do in the future le bahz hahaz.. k la... buaiz..

* Love is the trust between you and i

"Time heas everything "that's what they say...

2006-07-03T11:00:00.000+08:00

Humm hi there.. nowadays quite busy so did not really update much abt my life.. so todae dun have to attend any lessons so here i am again updating my dear bloggie *smile*

After the camp i am happie to realise ppl miss me.. lolx.. my mum .. him ... probably my dad .. hehez for my brother.. the first thing he said was the hse was so quiet without u now the moment u step in its so noisy again lolx.. ( i noe i beri noisy la but thats the zhen u all noe wadz.. )

Dunno why after the camp i am still in the kinda of hype mood.. but i dun really wanna care about any other stuffs especially in relationship or wadsoeva.. beri tired.. i only know my chinese o levels oral is on 14th july.. gotta just try to think of some common topic that may come out for the conversation section....

And i worked yesterday.. managers calling me wrong names mistooking me as her again.. she came to mac and he went to mac to find me with his sis as well so they kinda walked past each other.. actually i dun really wish to look like anyone especially her... just kinda weird ... and being mistooken as her is not really a compliment bahz.. though she's pretty ....

Sometimes i tell myself dun feel inferior because u are not bad either coz i got other areas i am better.. i know filming.. i can cherograph dance steps.. i am pretty well in my studies ... i am not the kind of ah lians ect ect... the fact is that i still will think if the past every now and then.. the reason i forgive him is not that i forgot EVERYTHING is that i still feel for him so i can pretend nothing has ever happen but you know what.. i have it all figure out.. its like the kind of feeling is fading...

In the past i liked these phrases
" I wanna thank you now coz i am free, i can breathe again and i'll neber going back to you"

" Being with you has opened my eyes"

" You know you did it i am gone... to find someone to live for in this world.. i am already gone"

Guessed i broke that promise i made to myself...

Sometimes just feels that what goes around comes around.. you should know by now.... its all about take .. you took too much.. its i dun wanan regret.. you regretted it the last time .. i dun wanna to taste the feeling of losing someone important and the feeling of regrets....i gave you my world.. everything ....but you wouldn't see...I'm not that naive.....Even heroes have the right to bleed... morever i am only a human...i will get tired .. i know you feel irritated and hate me to be aorund when we quarrel but sometimes if i dun even care abt you.. i will not even bother to quarrel with you... seriously... i will feel sad too its not just you..that i just want you to know.. i found a reason to me.. i wished i could make it all away... the sad memories i already tried not to think or even mention it infront of you ..certain stuffs its not that i am not aware is that i dun wanna ask ... time heals everything.. thats what they say... the more u try to reassure me the more i feel insecure.. all i needed was the truth..

One thing i am scared of is losing hold of you..the feeling is so frightening its driving me insane... but now.. guess we need time to figure out everything...

We already dun mind how ppl look at us especially in mac... dunno why we always face alot of difficulties just to be together...

Last year it was your rank thingy.. then miss tan.. your mother... you changed heart followed by me losing feelings.. then it became the prob of after ur exams.. then this year its abt me being insecure.... quarrels...and feeling tired.... the way ppl look at us and the things ppl say abt us...ect ect.. why can;t things just be as simple as the others..

Realised as we grow older and become more mature.. we will find our own promised island.. but its whether you still trust each other.. as much as before...??

I dunno.. but i just gotta take a break for sometime....*smile*

I miss everyone and everything i had!!!! muacks lolx

2006-06-30T15:52:00.000+08:00

Hi i just came back form my camp not long ago... during the camp it was damn fun.. though i dunno my team members well and i feel that other groups are more hype.. i still love everything we did there and the laughters,cheers,songs we sang ect ect.. though i was a little home sick at first but things gets better especially when preparing the camp fire...

I really enjoyed the camp.. made new friends, learn lots of things, realise lots of things and linh and i agree that we become more hype after that too.. coz the instructors were funny, hilarious .. lame at times but kind and cheerful.. just love hearing their jokes...

I am a little tired now so will not say so much le.. just wanna say i love the camp!!!

I miss everything i had .. my mp3 .. tv,computers and him.. i realised i had 11 new msg when i on my hp today.. 8 was from him... *smile*.. At night when i stare at the stars and see the boats i will think of the time we went on the boat .. beri fun.. and memorable too... neber gonna forget it

I just love the camp but i still wanna carry on with the life.. happy moments will not be foreva but memories is kept foreva.. everywhere we go we leave traces behind at place..in ppl's mind ect ect... let this camp be the beginning.. now i gonna go back to my usual life ... love my friends too!!!

Now i gonna go watch tv and wadeva i did not do the last few days hehez.. and i miss you too... hehez

Time for my own stuffs hehez see ya buaiz

Dun let nobody tell you your love's over

2006-06-21T10:14:00.001+08:00

These few days like i said.. i kept working lolx..humm last two days went to ivy's birthday party. Well..actually all of us were not really excited abt that and did not really wanna attend her party because first of all we didn't really like her and that not many ppl is going so we weren't excited abt the party in any sense....but we still decided to attend coz if not, she will be disappointed bahz.. so i met shermaine first and came with her to woodlands to ivy's house..

Shermaine is a ncie gerl i knew in mac.. somehow like kim bahz.. at thompson i trusted kim the most after jaime...and will talk to her lots of things and for amk, i prefer shermaine bahz.. she is more true in the sense she doesn't wear a mask infront of anyone.. just who she is infront of you and someone hu weren't backstabbed uu .. sounds like my mac is full of hypocrites lolx.. well sort of coz u will neber knew who is right or wrong, who is the good guy or bad guy .. sometimes certain things you cannot just use ur eyes to see... you must use ur heart to feel hu is true to uu.. into the rush now u dun have to know how.... dun let nobody tell you your love's over

Over at the party seems like the arrow is pointing towards me and him.. somehow trying to ask me and persuade me ect ect... one thing.. its my choice i noe what i am doing so dun interfere and just shut your mouth coz i just can't take it anymore... the traffic in my brains driving me insane.. did swing my emotions for a while but now just trying to give us more time.. if things weren't work ... even its just a detour i will not let myself cause my heart so much misery anymore... i will be down but neber too deep.. coz i said to play on the safe side so i dun get hurt.... the only way is to not let urself fall too deep..

I just wanna tell u i had enough.. it might sound crazy but i mean no lie.. its my life so i decide for myself so if u all have any comments i can only say.. mind ur own business as if u're serious.. its not like u got the qualifications to play with ppl's feelings .. not like u're damn pretty or wadsoeva... so just shut up la okay.. things gets complicated only when someone tries to drift ppl apart..

Anyway nvm abt it... coz now i already just shun qi zi ran le bahz..let natural takes its course.. i just wanna find a way to compromise..

For now i am hu i am doing what i wanna so .. stop interfering ..

Dun let nobody tell you your love's over

2006-06-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

Dun let nobody tell you your love's over

2006-06-18T06:06:00.000+08:00

haiz these few days i kept working and have no time for my homework.. hate working...!!! Monday at first wanan spend the whole day with him but in the end he working.... work work work.. stress!!!!! i haben even complete a single set of homework.. the thought of the pile of damn homework i feel like crying but so wad even if i cry in the middle of the night.. he will not even care.. morever forget abt him.. he always can smile and talk to people laughing all the way then when i talk to him he give me those kinda face.... xiang dao jiu qi....

Suan le.. wadeva it is i next time will not talk to him when he working or wadsoeva.. wanna give me ur kinda attitude then i give back the same attitude lorx.. the most game over only...

Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What makes you different, makes you beautiful

2006-06-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

Hi dere.. todae i went to work... beri tired coz got lots of customers and xue ping asked me abt if someone wanna be with me will i still accept? I gave her a straight answer no.. she say why i can be with douglas but cannot accept the other guy.. somehow the reason is coz the other guy is not true.. those kind of hypocrites bahz..anyway i told her i like someone else and she just kept quiet and after a while she say orr.. haiz beri ke xi.. diaoz.. i dun even like the other guy in the first place.. no matter what i said before my heart has neber been changed before.. things changes .. time passes quickly... but the one who have changed in the first place isn't me...

So after a long day of work, he waited for me after work to send me home.. we took a bus back.. i bought my dinner and went down to eat with him.. at the playground.. *smile*..we just chatted and there;s a moment we remain silent... then i felt my shirt's wet wet de.. i looked at him.. his eyes red red de.. its the first time i see his eyes brim with tears.. he neber ever cry infront of me even when she left him.. that night when he met me .. not even when manager shouted at him or when teachers try to aim him... and speak bad stuffs abt him... not even when our crew leaders and riders gang up just to shoot him.. ( trust me he is not at fault is someone use his rank to sort of speack ill of him and made the riders attitude change)...anyway nvm abt it coz sometimes its hard to differentiate who is true to you in such a complex working environment.. people wear masks and put on fake smiles .. when u dun even realise it..i knew why he is crying but like .. u noe asking the obvious.. he suddenly thanked me.. so i knew..but i dun wanna him to thank me coz i also got back what i lost ...

Anyway back to what i was saying.. todae i almost show attitude to noel.. he dun allow me to punch out .. its 945 plus le .. i ask him nicely i shld go at 9.30 now over le i need to go le.. then i served all te customers till beri few ppl le he still shout at me to go back counter.. till i beri angry coz i ask him nicely moreva i already beri sick that he down crew then he neber tell me he put my names almost everyday except for a day...this week... i neber say anything le he still shout at me.. wth...

Then he ask me go counter hao lor.. i went back then i serving ma then the container to put the plastic bags almost drop then noel saw.. then i gave him a beri fierce look then i say wad la.. not on purpose de la.. then noel shocked lolx.. then when i saw him looking at the schedule i tell him noel u put me till 930... so can i go .. he checked then almost shout at me till he saw the schedule then he say orr bye bye.. lolx haiz..

So he got me a lemon tea and we head back home..

Now he is sleeping le.. me using com.. hehez .. haiz long time neber go out with zhen ah ..min ah.. xin ect ect.. miss them lolx (dun worrie i not lesbians hahaz)

Everything seems to be falling back into place...

I am neber barely hanging on now.. coz even if i cried, its tears of happiness neber tears of sadness.. no more.. not anymore...

You know why i love hilary's songs.. coz her lyrics really fits my situation at that time.. now i love her songs but not in the sense of it fits me but jsut its nice.. and that there's a song we both like...

Happie one month anniversary

2006-06-11T19:28:00.000+08:00

Humm hihi..
Today's our one month anniversary. Actually it started long ago before 11th may but just that that day is a memorable day last year. From last night before i go to work till now, i have a upset stomach.. even felt like vomiting last night thats why the whole night i was awake.. till he finish working overnight,i was still trying to get some sleep.. i was suppose to work at 8 todae but he helped me take my shift though actually he can go home to rest.. it means he actually worked for 20 hours since yesterday..
I thought he may be too tired so i thought he may not remember today.. so i did as he said to rest at home and he help me take over my shift .. luckily Noel neber scold lolx

I really fell asleep till i heard my house phone ring.. it was him he punched out le and wanna come find me.. it was rainning heavily but then he still came though he was quite wet lolx.. quite touched .. but see he so tired feel kinda guilty. i did not know he requested to work todae coz he noe i working but in the end is i cannot go to work..diaoz..

We waited for the rain to stop but it seems neber ending so we walked in the rain to cross the road to have my lunch.. see he liek beri tired but still chen qiang so told him to go home and sleep after that.. i ate lasi nemak... with vege.. and bought a cup of hot milo for him ..he say i beri weird first time will eat vege then he took a photo of my rice .. dotz hahaz.. he drank the milo and i ate my rice.. then he sent me home ...he promised me next next monday and last two day od holiday to go to kusu and accompany me..

Just now i was watching tv hehez.. now got the show X men 2. watched many times le but still wanan watch again hehez coz pretty nice ..

Anyway a lot of things happen during this month.. somehow still miss my friends.. hope they haben forgotten me bahz.. they got their own friends too.. but i gotta work almost everyday next week.. sianz.. Noel down crew.. haiz

Nowadays i see him almost everyday bahz.. he will come outside my house to meet me for a while.. we will see each other at work ect ect....

I love hilary's songs.. i kept listening to them hehez.. even my friends like her songs too when i let them listen at first... coz her songs are damn nice *smile*

For now.. i guessed actually she dun really like me bahz.. seems like when i talked to her ... go some kinda attitude... shall i say i shld be the one.. but in the past i also neber say anything.. anyway nvm...

Okie.. i can only say for this month i did lots of stuffs.. we went on boat to travel.. we went to marina where we got lost there before, to clarke quay where we have lots of memories... we went to eat and to play ... ect ect.. something gets to me.. its like nothing is wrong.. neber in the first place thats why i am not afraid what my collegues say and aunty say.. sometimes people have to stop imitating others and have your own stand... and even if they like to gossip wadsoeva.. i will just make my own decisions i know what i am doing so dun interfere.. thats why i admit to anuty and xue ping they all le.. crazy as it seems but i dun wanna be anywhere but here now.. in my new life...a new beginning that just started

I say before long ago when me and him were no longer together that waiting for him is like waiting for rain in such a drought, useless and disappointing.. i suddenly remember the sad pasts and he message me.. just told him the phrase from my bloggie months ago and he suddenly tell me i dun need to wait le coz he is in the lift now..coming to my house to let me see him.. i was like diaoz.. so fast hahaz

In the end he really came over and we chatted outside for quite long.. till he head to work

Come to think of it everything that happened between us .. its a BeAuTiFuL DiSaStEr

一段感情的新开始

2006-06-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

我以为一切早已随着时间而被遗忘了。。我以为我可就这样把一切的一切当做一个回忆，一个过去。但就在我真正想放弃一切，我才发觉原来我只是在默默的隐藏一个事实。。。我只会更爱你而我对你的思念不断。。我真的爱你很深，很深，我只是无奈的不愿去承认，不愿面对你已经不再属于我的事实了。。我以为那应该是属于我的东西。。。但一切已经不一样了。。你那时活在一个没有我的世界。。。
To be continue..

This year to save me from tears i gave it to someone special..

2006-06-09T11:29:00.000+08:00

Ello.. humm yesterday nothing much happen..
For these few days, i have been meeting him everyday coz he sent me dinner and accompany me for while before he cycle home at night .. and during his break and after school..he will come outside my house to find me...coz my mother is still not back yet , my brother gotta go to school, my father at work so i am alone at home... thanks hehez.. but once school reopen think we both will be busy le.. i got my chinese o levels to be worried about on start of july and he too..

It is quite stress to take o levels this year... coz they just changed the format of the paper this year.. i hope that the chinese paper is not that tough like the hmt paper.. the worst is after this year still got to take hmt paper next year.. got summary and the way they mark was beri strict... u write less things they deduct lots of marks, u write a little more they also deduct marks...say you out of point.. especially for composition, they like to see if you got lots of difficult words and vocablary .. coz hmt paper they will reward you with a lot of marks if you use those phrases ect ect.. thats why those china pupils always score beri high coz the words they use is damn chim lolx... me and jamie only try to score in content but luckily we score quite well in compo ...its the paper 2 that we were scared of.. (summary)... but the good thing is if i do well in both chinese, my chinese marks can be taken as my first language .. not my english ( coz my english cannot make it de lolx).. think i gotta do some practice le.. and we neber had oral before since we step into secondary school.. we dunno how it was like coz the school neber arrange for the two of us to go for the oral and listening .. I am taking the oral and listening with him lolx.. but its quite weird to see two sec three taking exams with the seniors.. so i am starting to do some practice le.. especially summary ..

The day before me and him went to chong pang to have our dinner.. beri nice.. and we walked back to katib hahaz... then he sat outside my house ( there's a row of chair outside ma)... we talked for a while.. yesterday we went down to eat wanton mian.. i love the soup hehez ...as for todae.. he coming over later at abt twelve bahz..

Haiz next week gotta work coz the manager down crew... hate to work coz will see lots of hypocrites.. pretending to be nice to uu but backstabbed uu behind..... but there are still true friends there just that its better not to reveal stuffs to them coz they are also true friends of them too.... and actually working in the environment where you dunno who is true to you or who is wearing a mask makes you feel uncomfortable.. wanted to quit but the boss haben give me a answer ... that time wanna quit is coz i dun wanan see... now is coz beri tired le.. always do the same things over and over again.. then have to bear with the customers.. even if its their fault ..u still have to smile and smile and smile..diaoz...

Think that having a true friend by your side is hard to find bahz.. especially in such a "fu zha" environment.. everyone have their own prefered friends.. be it their boyfriends.. their cca friends, classmates , collegues ect ect ... as long as you have someone to share your probs with and to cheer u up when u're down.. think its enough le.. " ni kan de jian de xing fu jiu shi ni de xing fu..." " ni de yan zhong bu neng zhi kan de dao bie ren de xing fu"

You will realise who is your real reliable friends when you really need them ...

Haiz now at home, listening to music.... so i'll continue to use my computer le.. buaiz buaiz...
"You neber thought of anyone else you just saw your pain"

Neber gone

2006-06-07T15:08:00.000+08:00

Ello... humm the past few days i did not go out with my friends.. just stayed at home and he will help me get my dinner coz my mum's not in singapore now.. so yesterday i went down to the playground as he cycle here.. he locked his bike and we went to buy some drinks before we sat down under a block to eat.. there's a stray dog there .. it kept looking at my food so we decided to let it have the piece of chicken we did not finish.. he left the food on the floor and we went to walk around .. then we went home... *smile*

And yesterday miss soh bought pizza for us to eat too... nice hehez but min did not join us.. And i just wanna say something here.. sorry daphne did not meant to hurt you .. i just tagged at min's blog to cheer her up and did not think too much coz we can see that she has not been herself.. not that cheerful and not the min that kept laughing and cracking jokes with us at times.... just wanting her to smile more thats all so really did not meant to hurt or offend anyone.. just a outsider but her friend to cheer her up only

Best friends shares problems ...and now think you all solved most of the misunderstandings le ...

Haiz..think i tried to cheer my friend up in the wrong way .....

" chen mo ye shi yi zhong jie jue de fang fa"... hao guo ke yi wei zhuang zi ji".... a phrase form green forest.. and today's the second episode le...beri nice hehez but i finish watching le coz my friend helped me dl the whole show le..

" zhen ai de gan jue shi bu hui tu ran xiao shi de chu fei shi dui cuo de dui xiang"..

Think today's de episode is about Sophie doubted if William is the one she has been searching for...

Susan's beri cunning and hypocrite.. she lied to William till now.. pretended to be a little princess infront of william and told him she was the gerl that William met when they were young.. but Yuan Fang knew that Susan was lying that's why he kept defending Sophie.. In the end till Sophie is dying , Susan changed .... The two sisters finally show their love and care for each other le.. its a happy ending.. Sophie did not choose Yuan Fang.. She married William in the end.. *smile*... and William's mother finally agreed to the marriage...

Its a nice show .. and beri touching at times too...

Sometimes still wondered if what he said was true.. or it's just a detour..
But times at clarke quay and memories just cannot be forgotten....
Anyway.. not in the mood to say too much le bahz...

Have a nice day... buaiz

Sweet memories

2006-06-05T16:23:00.000+08:00

ello.. this morning my mama went to malaysia le.. she will be away for a few days bahz.. she finished all her chores and like she bu de me like that when she is leaving lolx.. i was sleeping so i did not realise eh.. my mother went out liaoz..lolx..till i woke up i realise its 8 le so i gotta wake up to change le..

I changed to my PE attire then suddenly my phone rang.. and from the ring tone i knew it was him hehez.. he called to say he is on the 6th floor of my block le.. i was like oops... i haben comb my hair lolx.. coz i was taking my own sweet time to change my clothes i haben even wear my contact lens then he was outside my house le.. coz he gonna pass me his badminton racket to lend my brother's friend..

Then we talk for a while till he ask me wad i wanan eat for dinner.. duck rice? He say he help me da bao lorx coz he noe i beri lazy especially since my mama is not at home now hoz i will not really eat my dinner.. at first i thought he kidding but think it is real ..lolx

I went to school for my physics lesson it was beri boring lorx.. we did the same experiment again then me and xin was pretty frustrated .. lolx..

Then after school we went to north point to eat .. beri full.. hahaz..
We took some photos using min de new handphone.. coz someone like got a lot of comments on her phone she used a few days ago ..i dun feel there is anything wrong lor but then in order not to cause more trouble min change her hp le... see my friend give in till like that got a bit.. feeling of diaoz... its not her fault wadz haiz nvm.. at least she will get the support of us.. especially xin ..linh and me de so no wories my dear hahaz.. u got cloesest friends around uu and other best friends but the person dun.. so u are definitely more fortunate... coz ur friends are true to uu ...so dun forget us worx hahaz

Okie.. then after eating me and min just chatted with each other a while uner a block then i went home whereas she went back to school..

I just now felt like vomiting ... got a upset stomach also.. dotz.. then till i sleep a while wake up le felt better le bahz.. but now still feel a little giddy somehow.. think eat wrong stuffs or sth... i am breaking that habit todae..

Haiz.. i just feel that some people are just so hypocrites especially my collegues ( some of them are from the same world ).. total different world from me and my friends.. it seems like their life is to be occupied by flirting and backstabbing people behind while acting so damn innocent infront of you.... stop faking it out la.. and like to imitate ...if uu all not happie then stop wearing a mask to pretend uu are just trying to be concern abt the two of us.. coz somehow dun think we dunno what uu all say behind us.. its not i dunno is i dun wanna bother.. backstabbers.. and act damn nice infront of us.. diaoz.. DUN FAKE IT OUT..

nevermind abt them le bahz just feel that if they got nth better to do they can go fight or wadsoeva since they like to act gangsters so much..

Heard that they wanna fight again.. if fighting can resolve probs.. why on earth people are still unhappy with the others..... fighting for uu all maybe cool or sth.. but it is not ...just dun understand why they cannto just behave liek themselves and not trying to be somebody.. think they beri big is it... wth....

okie now my brother's back and there he go nagging at me to use com again...

haiz .. i go listen to songs le bahz hehez buaiz..

Untittled

2006-06-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

Hi.. yesterday linh went back to vietnam le. I met her under her block and took the taxi with her to the airport with her sis and lian wei. On the way there i told her sacastic words like oi dun come back le la hoz and those mean words hahaz... obviously i dun meant what i said.. just to agitate her .. till she goin to be angry le then i say all the things said were the opposite la.. will miss uu so must faster come back.. but always did not have the chance to celebrate her birthday with her...

Then at the air port, i ate burger king with them and min and xin came too. They came from chalet there.. and xin injured her leg.. must apply medicine or else will have scar .. then we hugged linh..xin even gave her a sweet kiss hahaz.. then she went in le.. haiz.. have to lose a friend for abt a month ... till she come back coz over there she also will not always online .. lolx its okie the three of us will wait for her to come back and will go and "jie "her also hehez..

So after the trip to the airport.. we took the mrt.. xin they all went back to the chalet and as for moi.. i went to meet him. We went to marina and took a bus to the new pier to kusu.. the worst thing is when we reached there, we were late by 10 mins so no more boats to kusu le sobx.. in the end we looked at the schedule and other trips of the boats and decided to go round singapore and to pass by kusu and st john island..sister island ect ect.. even dinner will be provided on the ship..its quite costly.. we spent over 72 dollars just on the tickets for two person.. but its really fun..

we sat at the front of the ship and we could view the scenery .. it was beri nice and we could see the sun set too.. and the clouds formed funny shapes but they looked nice.. with the clear water... i loved the feeling of being on the ship.. the sea breeze blowing on my face.. though my hair's messy but i really enjoyed the trip a lot .. a lot .. really hehez.. i am quite sad yesterday coz linh leave le so less a friend to talk to and accompany me.. but she will come back de hehez.. then later on i am beri happie coz of the trip.. the way he looked was so serious when we almost cannot get the tickets... lolx.. he say die die also must fufill what he promised then kusu the next time we come earlier abt 3 .. coz thats the last boat ..Long time ago i already want to be with him on the boat to kusu and have fun there but for some reason we did not fufill our promise.. all were broken.. utterly... and now we finally did what we wanna.. he told me when he was with her he himself for no reason came to clarke quay.. thinking why he wanna leave when he is more happie in the past.. i can only remain silent coz i noe.. nth i say will console myself.. wads gone is gone.. now i treat this as a new beginning.. somehow just feel a little consoled that he remember the times in the past at clarke quay.. no wonder he told me he will noe where to find me if one day he lose me.. coz he went there once.. when we lose hold of each other.. for me.. i wanted to but i did not... i just walked past there for some reason.. coz just dun wanna bring back memories to myself since i was on the verge of forgetting that time..

We had dinner on the boat, then at night there were lots of stars on the sky.. beri nice.. then we also passed by the Sentosa lorx.. saw the melion hehez.. then passed by clark quay again hahaz.. for no reason we always walked back to the place.. at clark quay even when we got lost or sth.. back the the beginning point when everything haben turn sour bahz.. maybe its fate lolx... then the whole trip is abt 2.5 hrs.. it past so fast that i did not even realised its ending till we saw the marina pier again.. guessed he enjoy the trip too..

The night goes on as i am fading away...just wanna hold on to a time where nth matters.. coz suddenly felt beri xing fu bahz.. sad to you... coz i got.. i got what i want.. guess it goes to shows uu dun really noe when everything's abt to change..

We reached the pier and we got down form the boat.. felt a little giddy hahaz.. but still can make it coz feel more delighted than giddy mahz lolx

We then walked form the pier to the mrt station.. its quite far but then yet so near bahz.. dunno how to explain hahaz..

On the way to the mrt station , we just chatted and talked.. then i keep stepping on his shadow (on purpose de hahaz)he even took a picture of our shadows.. diaoz hahaz.. till we went to sembawang to get a drink and played acade as usual i play ddr and he play time crisis .. then he sent me home... then i bathe... till i finish bathing le he still at the station waiting for his sister lolx.. so he called me using public phone coz his hp no battery liaoz ... after hanging the phone i went to sleep till this morning lorx.. beri tired..

Then early in the morning have to go to work sianz... hahaz..

Todae is quite a smooth day except that people keep warning me and wadsoeva... got pretty frustrated coz i dun like ppl to interfere my life... till i saw something then i was quite upset so i kept quiet unless i need to talk ..
Then i went home lorx .. fell asleep on the sofa..

Okie.. thats all hehez just woke up hahaz..

I go listen to music le worx.. buaiz

*Nobody knows who i really am.. I neber felt this empty before.. if i ever need someone to come along.. i know uu will follow me an keep me strong.. if we ever get lost on our way. the waves would guide us to another day

Because of you

2006-06-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

Last christmas i gave uu my heart but the beri next day uu gave it away.. this year to save me from tears i gave it to someone special.

Once bitten and twice shy, i keep my distance but uu still catch my eye... tell me do uu still remember the past me and the new me?.. Its been a year...
But if you kissed me nowI know you'd fool me again

I love uu its a fact that i cannot deny though there were ups and down for us. I once tried to like someone else and uu tried being with someone else too but in the end its fate that brings us back together. You saw my reflection when u were with her and i can't take my mind off uu when i went to places with beautiful memories and when i tried to rely on someone else.Now i know i have been such a fool to think that to forget my feelings for someone is that simple.

You were someone to rely on for me right from the start and uu want me to cling on uu now tilll the end of time. Even if the day comes that i have to let uu go there is something i will want u to know. I will miss you coz i am happie that i have u at all. Realised using someone as a replacement isn't easy its just lying to myself. I lied to u the someone special is neber uu but now i just want to let uu noe its been uu all the time.

A girl under cover but you tore me apart
Sad to her coz i got wad i want... but neber promise me forever unless u really mean foreva but as long as we cherish the precious moments we almost lost its enough. We missed the chance half a year ago. The one thing that i am scared of is losing hold of uu. You apologised for being a little sensitive to him coz the same goes for uu.

You swore infront of the places u and her once stood before me to watched fireworks. Suddenly felt like just freezing the time when we were lying near the sea. You said uu felt happiness. Actually the same goes for me its just dunno what to say coz my feelings were confused at that moment. Jealous, happy,sad,scared,touched and lots of picture ran through my mind. Times we used to be together .. the ups and downs..

If we ever lose hold of each other again.. i can only say its all destined. At least we once had each other and once taste the feeling of happiness so its enough really.

Every time I look up into the tear-filled sky,A fickle wave of blue binds my chest.

If it's destiny, I will leave behind the days that I've fought till the end of sorrow.Even if I were to lose sight of my real self,with my heart was shattered,In these eyes i have seen seen true sorrow, Love is overflowing.For what and for who do you continue to fight for now?

If we unknowing meet again,I don't want to lose you a second time, but I can feel your heart in motion, deep down in your mind and passion.
Life goes on and on, we love each other in the sadness of time.As long as I am alive,I want to share this light with you again someday.Life Goes On, I want to protect it.

The further we are apart, the nearer I feel you are.Even my loneliness turns into strength... when I think of you.In a time where streets, people and dreams change, my heart will neber change that easily as there are things that can't be conveyed even with words.
My lost dreams of wanting to hold you by my side,but now no more.In the days without you, I've stopped moving.But now I am walking out of here.All the coincidences we shared, certainlyThey all have their meanings.When our dreams comes true one by one, and we meet again,The coincidences become destiny.If even the torn promises can change into vows,Can we also change back to the two of us from the time we met at that place?I can see with my eyes closed, I know you are here without our hands touching ...i miss you...

I've been searching for a heart that needs a heart like mine.A hand that understands and waiting for someone that i can loveThat loves me ...For the one that i am

They say "There's one in this world for everyone"
You're the oneThe one in this world for meI once said to my friends waiting for uu is like waiting for rain in such a drought, usesless and disappointing. Its neber that way now.

It doesn't matter how people look at us it only matter how true uu are. Follow ur heart to do waht uu feel like doing. Now i found my real love. You'll neber fool me again.

I once said i am gone to look for someone to live for in this world. Its that what they call regret. We once lost each other and both regretted. Thats why they say we only know how to cherish after we have lost it. Its so true.

Love is just a illusion as one tries to forget. Love hurts but we still want to know how it feels like even if we may end up realising its just a dream. If its a dream i rather not wake up. There's no such things as a beautiful goodbye.

If tommorrow neber comes i want uu to noe that i right now that i gonna love uu like its the last night on earth before the great divine.I see forever with uu here.

I don't wanna try the feeling again. The feeling of heartbroken.A million tears for uu..

Its been such a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER.

Happie now.. my whole world would cave in... as long as i believe...

I been searching for a miracle. just like this..

11th may is always the best day of my life.. though its seems just like any other day that started like any other day.. just another day that i had my best day of my life..

I dun wanna be anywhere but here. With uu by my side ... Like to hang around uu when u're not trying to be somebody.. like to be with uu just like that.. talk about wadeva we talk about...dun care where we go ,wad we do,who we see.. dun have to be cool.. dun need to know anything all the time.. so wad if u're a little bit out of it i just wanna be like that..

*smile*

Million tears for you

2006-05-31T19:36:00.000+08:00

On monday i went out with wx and zhen to buy his present... i got a pair of necklace one for him and the other for moii la lolx.. with our names engraved on it.. like on the ring he gave me i found it pretty nice but i gonna give him only on sat...hehez

Humm... on monday we were tired after the whole afternoon coz at first i really dunno wad to get for him and we three looked quite exhausted to joke about so most of the time we were silent lolx.. but had a fun time especially after i got the necklace engraved with our names.. its really nice hehez for me la hahaz

For tuesday humm it means yesterday la.. i went to school for the geography and english remedial lorx.. quite sian but after that me and xin went out.. we walked around the neighbourhood and walked to chong pang.. even back to katib again after eating the " xiang xiang yu yuan mian" and drinking the whole cup of soya bean juice... yum yum.. yummy!! hahaz its really delicious lorx but then quite oily thats why we walked back to digest our food but on the way xin keep wanting to drink water.. she hoz every second every moment also will think of water de..thats why i got a nickname for her.. " shui tong".. hahaz..

We had fun on the way back coz we kept joking around and we even came up with a way to regconise each other twenty yrs later along the road.. guess she will noe wad i am talking abt but its lame ...however also beri useful de worx

Then me and xin went to the reservior there and douglas and chu ping they all tailed us.. had a fun time playing and joking around ... like to be around my friends ...

Then he sent me home after i bought my coffee ice blended hehez..

But at night we sort of angry with each other and were upset over stuffs bahz.. me jealous and him jealous of me just saying someone is a nice guy but no one will replace him .. then we sort of cold war for a few hrs.. haha only one hr plus plus if i remember correctly ... then he message me to tell me .. he is a little sensitive... in the sense..because we both feel the same way of not wanting to repeat history ...and then we just told each other how we felt and ... no more cold war..

This afternoon saw him and he came to the bus stop .. sat a while till xin came.. we wanna watch MI three but in the end also neber watch coz no more tickets haiz so we ate some stuffs and i bought a new shirt..

We went home and here i am using computer to listen to songs hehez..
haiz.. but now guess something gonna happen too le bah hao bah..

I gtg le buaiz

Faced the reality or to runaway?

2006-05-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

Todae i went to work in the morning.. i taught the new crew on OJE called andy i think. Humm.. its his first day of work then Noel on purpose wanna me teach him diaoz.. me myself CMI le then still ask me to teach but in the edn i think at least got teach him most of the things le .. phew..

Okie.. after that i was incharged of the game station.. at first the kids took advantage of me .. pull my shirts ah then my feet ah ect ect... then damn noisy i was so frustrated but still have to smile even htough i feel like screaming " dun pull my shirt!!!" lolx.. but things starts to get better coz the two troublesome kids finally went away after aunty tell them dun disturb jie jie work... then sort of raise her voice a little.. haiz but after that things gets better.. the kids gets cutter .. and the parents seems to be more friendly.. so i start to enjoy playing the games with the babies and kids .. but it got bored after a while coz i did the same old thing over and over again till i can memorise my lines..

" hi will u like to play some games? if uu are lucky u may win a toy or a free item ?"

" u want to throw or spin?"

" wow.. uu got in!! hahaz wait a while ahz while i get ur prize"

" here uu go thank you !!! enjoy ur meal ahz hehez bye bye"

diaoz i have been saying the same old lines for abt 4.5 hrs .. hahaz

But its really fun and happie when u see the expressions of the kids.. smiling when they get a prize.. especially the babies.. they smile and laugh in those uu noe innocent smile and cute laughters.. in short.. i enjoy working todae.. even saw zhen ahz..ck and qiong hui there ..

Sometimes looks and cuteness are decieving.. people do fall into temptations but they neber knew wad is in the cover.. happiness can be fake it out.. love can be fake it out.. or just rely on being handsome or pretty or wadsoeva bahz... sometimes reality is like that but true love doesn't just depends on one's look.. coz looks can help to last a relationship longer but if the couple kept quarreling coz their characters dun suit each other guess everything just go back to the start bahz..

But seriously most of out mac de people go for looks de.. humm well well.. for thompson mac also .. coz they dun really noe each other but ended up being together and u shld noe wads the ending...

okie nvm abt it

Well so ..after work i waited for him coz he say he coming over..to see me home

I waited for him for pretty long till i was quite angry coz everyone kept asking me hu i was waiting for but i dun feel like saying especially when he and she asked me.. not that i am scared or wad its just dunno how to phrase it when they ask .. they sure will ask till the end.. like he just message me if me and him patch le.. diaoz.. expected.. say till dun wanna me get hurt.. ahem may be true but guess like i say i hate hypocrites.. i know the reason of him with me in the first place that time thats why i just go along with him coz we both will benifit from it.. just a making use of relationship that is short coz when we both got what we wanna just sayonara..

I told douglas to wait for me outside the mac .. dun go into the crew room coz aunty they all all inside.. but he came in i was like dotz wad to do coz so many ppl noe i waiting for friend for so long then if he come in i walk out with him so wads the conclusion?... diaoz...
The worst thing is he wear the same colour shirt as me... red.. i just got said by lin min why i wear till so red then in the end he came and really is a coincidence that he wore a red shirt too.. if people dunno they will think we chuan tong de.. but really.. i swear neber la..

When we walked out aunty shouted at me.. " yewzhen ahz...reall ahz???" expected they will have this reaction.. thats the reaction aunty first gave me when they knew me and him were ex.. 100 percent the same.. guess people neber changed hahaz.. standard..

I just try to run to the door then walked out quickly of the mac.. coz a lot of ppl is gossiping behind us.. haiz.. we were supposed to be couple long ago well we were a couple a yr ago.. its just that broken up somehow when i haben transfer there so they were surprised of hearing jane as his ex.. Like i say Jane is Jane .. yew zhen is yewzhen.. i am not who i am when i am infront of my collegues.. when i am Jane...coz most of the times just got to pretend to be happie and pretend nth happen especially infront of some of them... it just gave me a new sort of.. u noe personality when i am working

But i am hu i am when i am with my friends .. friends i am comfortable to be with where i dun need to pretend to be someone else.. not that i wanted to.. its i am forced to fake it out.. when i am forced to forget everything.. now its just .. uu noe have to suit along the situation.. can't possibly change to myself from a "sweet" .. cheerful..happie..wadeva nice gerl uu wanna me to be.. when i am working with the few ppl i dun wanan see....uu may not understand wad i am trying to say but i noe exactly how i feel..

I am not afraid to show hu i really am its that everyone seems to be a hypocrite there.. so wad if i am the real me.. they will just try to make use of uu or sth.. pretend to be Mr nice guy ect.. but behind uu .. backstabbed uu..used to it la.. they also backstabbed their good friends there infront of me.. diaoz.. like i say working environment is full of many different kinda people..

Ok la enough of my frustrated part... come back to my happie part..so me and him tok a bus to katib then we waited for xin..

Just walked to northpoint then he bought a drink for us.. then to walk round and round till xin meet seet.. we had fun trying to tease xin before that.. then well dunno... he accompany wait for the bus then i went home bahz...

now i think he is currently angry with me.. i was angry with him in the afternoon for sth.. now is him angry with me..

Just feel like getting away... from reality .. it does not matter to me how ppl look at us or see us in their eyes.. chun xian say he dun wanna see me hurt again... true me myself will not let my heart cause myself so much misery again...

Its time for me to share the burden

2006-05-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

I am now not really in a good mood.. dun ask me why when uu see me coz i dun feel like saying again.. its time for me to be mature and not keep relying on my parents .. Well they quarrel again.. but i will be strong even when it all goes wrong.. nth gonna make me breakdown..just that felt a little sadden by their quarrels.. it seems non stop .. just goes on and on..
I'm always aimming but somehow keep missing.. neber gonna find a place i truly exist bahz.. probably i shld not even have exist in the first place.. just bring troubles and more worries to ppl around me.. i am arriving coz everyone's leaving... really hope to grow up now.. so that i have myself to rely on.. not relying on anyone.. something gets to me.. i have to be more mature.. i dunno how i did.. but somehow now i do... anyway like i say i am not in a beri good mood now.. and just pretend uu noe nth when uu all saw me bahz or else guess i will be even more moody after that.. anyway its better to have urself no matter wad..

Cinderella Remix

2006-05-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

I found a song todae. Pretty nice haiz nowadays like all the songs hear till beri sian le so keep trying to find new songs hehez.Humm todae is a boring day for moi lolx. I stayed at home the whole day alone in the afternoon coz my mum and brother went out and my dad went to work as usual.So i am alone at home diaoz.. but its not too pathetic coz i got my computer, my hi-five set and my television set to accompany me hehez. I blasted the music and felt so relaxed while i lie on my bed and think of stuffs .. listen to songs i love!! Though is alone but at least i did enjoy listening to my favourite songs.

As for him well he went out in the morning to play badminton then to tution after that .. now i mean at work lorx.. ai ya used to it le he's always so busy so i also lazy to nag or complain le. Nowdays he is different from how he is like in the past.. In the past i dunno where and wad he is doin all the time and i also neber go ask... Then me and him like beri less interaction...but now he himself will tell me where he is all these and we got more interaction bahz better than the past so its good right? hahaz.. He later working till midnight i guess or even till one or two .. i working at eight in the morning tml. He say after work he go find me to see me home i tell him no need le coz he sure cannot wake up de lorx.. i finish work at 12.. he todae work till so late tml sure beri late then wake up one.. but he say he bu ting hua so wanna come .. dotz.. hope he dun be late or else i wil go home without him huh lolx...

Xin now at some sort of island for a day vacation.I can only contact her tml coz we are goin out tml to get something for him and seet. Think she gonna buy a shirt or sth.. for me ahz .. humm haben thought of anything suitable yet but will try to get sth asap bahz.hehez

well.. so todae nth much happen lorx coz at home i always do the same old things... zhen say wanna go out on monday humm well well but we dunno where to go yet hahaz... ai ya anywhere will be fine for me as long as i dun stay at home..sobx lolx

Now holiday le yeah!!! but then horx i so far dun have holiday plans yet leh coz the first two wks we are goin back to school for extra lessons .. it means i am left with two weeks.. i think i will work bahz then go out with friends haiz.. one mth beri fast will over le muz treasure sia..hehez

My few plans for this holidays ahz.. only got go Kusu , watch mission impossible, X men , go out and buy present for ya zi, buy new clothes and skirt or pants.., do my homework lorx but will be done last min hahaz, then still got buy present for my brother at the end of the holiday i already noe wad to buy liaoz but no money yet hahaz.. his birthday is on July so maybe buy early or sth>?? .. see first hehez.., then ahz.. still got work lor see how the manager arrange if i got work then go work lorx coz earn more money also no harm ( bleah)...

Lets see last but not least i wanna go out with my friends to K box or sth and to shop it all day!! Wanna try night shopping .. neber try b4 with frenz hahaz..

Well well... life for me like i say things seems to be falling into place.. all is smooth just the prob with me where my feelings swing.. but the situation is not too terrible la lolx..

My friends ans brother say if he dun treat me well he will die liaoz .. coz they will help me de horx?? lolx.. thanks friend if he dare to treat me bad huh must help me worx... hahaz just kidding la coz now he so far also neber make me angry or sth.. so far so good .. wad i can say is better than before bahz.. *smile*

oh ya monday is chinese o levels.. wish all my friends taking it goodluck!!!! Speaking abt o level.. my chinese o levels also quite near le coz i think is on the start of July bahz.. phew at least can enjoy this holidays first wahahaha..

I realise horx.. hillary duff and kelly clarkson's songs are beri beri beri nice.. my friends love their songs too.. coz their lyrics also beri true..

K la.. i will end here .. no matter what happens i am still happie now like before... i am still the sok yewzhen dotz.. lolx.. my brother see this horx will 100 percent agree wif my statement made above ..sobx sobx.. standard de lor always say his sis till i siao one.. where can like that he himself also sok sok de lorx hahaz k la i think i better dun say him le or else huh he will start to use my softtoy to threaten me liaoz.. oops hehez

Hao le la all the best to u all and have a nice and enjoyable holidays bahz!!!!

* muacks * hahaz

~ I LoVe yOu LoTs~
yEw zHeN

tired...

2006-05-26T17:50:00.000+08:00

Hi.. todae is the last day of school before the june holidays hehez..i got a medal for my academic performance last yr.. happie hehez

Todae my lao pa (jasper) finally brought my present lolx .. a doggie it was damn cute and the four of us were playing with it during the assembly.

We went to class and played cards and chatted and played with xin's hair ( even miss soh laughed when she saw it hahaz).. then it was ten we were supposed to be dismissed but i think miss soh forgot the time so i reminded her..hehez then we were... DISMISSED.. lolx.. the june holidays are coming le but i guess will be pretty boring for me too haiz
He gotta work.. my friends got softballs and linh's goin back to vietnam.. though he say will try to accompany me but i think i better dun have high hopes coz well i am just to tired to even be angry or anything.. dunno why feelings for me seems to have fade off slowly.. probably now i realise wad i really want bahz.. though not beri clear but maybe ... somehow now i feel that maybe it is just over relying on someone.. tue meaning of love? i dunno.. probably just a illusion as u try to forget but like i say shun qi zi ran bahz..dun wanna be too emotional or sensitive now coz we all need time to find out .. for me is to find out if i really still feel ... for him or just used to rely on a person..

guess people only will treasure the other party if they dun get them easily.. and we tend to not treasure the happiness around us.. hearts are broken because we dun cherish .. easier said than done..

felt sorry when i saw him and....him just now at the same place.. like i say things that comes easily will not be treasured maybe its the kinda feeling of the more u cannot get hold of sth or someone the more uu wanna get hold of it and cherish it more bahz.. hahaz nvm dunno wad i trying to say but just feel that feelings do fade off after sometimes even if there is no third party.. like i say nth last foreva and neber promise me foreva unless uu really mean forever

Wei xiong thought i like someone for rank at first coz my feelings for the person fade off after we are together in the past.. not douglas .. is someone else.. but it is just coincidental that they both have rank and if i really am that kinda person i will like jing kai le la diaoz.. but lucky wx say now he noe i am not that kinda person so phew.. or else even my frenz think i am lie that i think i am a failure..anyway forget abt it coz todae i saw the person but i said hi.. he neber reply maybe is he neber see bahz anyway haiz.. nvm

I only noe now my feelings come and go.. he angry with me yesterdae for not trusting him a lot.. but in the past i trusted him too much and the one hurt deeply is still me .. i long ago alreadi told him b4 i cannot trust him with all my heart now there will be a gap though we both will cherish more..he said he will understand but i guess he did not really understand my feelings..

Something pulled me back.. all i know is u're not here to say wad u always used to say when everything goes wrong.. uu were happie then.. i was heartborken then.. The one who cheered me up and console me is not uu.. is mysself and my friends around me.. All i noe is that yesterday is gone thats what i tell myself .. sooner or so life seems to turns around and i will be strong even if it all goes wrong .. it doesn't matter wad ppl say or how long it takes.. it only matters how true uu are .. to follow ur heart.. at that time thats what i feel .. i will not breakdown coz of uu but that doesn;t mean that heart dun ache when i see things i dun wanan see and hear abt things i dun wish to hear.. u say u will heal the wound but have u ever thought of.. is it really goin to heal totally...

I said i am gone to look for someone to live for in this world .. its a lie as time goes by coz my meaning of gave up is gave up the hope of u by my side again.. not that i love uu no more.. no one is goin to replace it.. i tried being with someone else and tried to use someone to forget uu.. in the end it gets nowhere.. i found myself and ran away..

Now it seems that i got my stolen world back from her but so what.. i dun even noe if i am goin to be happie till the end .. friends asked me.. am i really happie now... wad i can say is yesh at times but no at times but i dunno which is more.. makes no sense to me somehow u're standing here its like nth is wrong in the first place.. there uu are waiting ... i dunno ... thats why we sort of argue last night.. i noe he may be angry when he read this but this is the only place i can express how i really feel.. its not dun trust at all is not totally but u r the one hu made this trust got lesser in the first place.. u said u understand but u dun understand me at all.. u just think that promises .. all the sweet promises will let me feel secure.. yes gerls will be touched but at second thought ... u made the same promises in the past but wad is the ending.. I trust uu its just not as much as lie in the past... for that i sincerely apologise but that is just to protect myself...

Is this just a detour? Coz i gotta be sure that uu really mean what uu say.. u tell me that u love me first then throw ur heart into reverse.. first uu wanna be free now u say u need me.. can't really make signals in signs.. is that wad they call only when u lose sth then u will cherish it more.. seriously i think that she isn't too true to uu.. though u were true to her.. if she is beri serious.. u will not feel the way uu felt .. sth i dare to say is i am more serious than her to uu... million tears for uu..u neber will know how someone is there for uu.. the one who will do stupid things just to let uu know how she feel...

running in the rain.. running to somewhere far away .. crying in the middle of the night.. goin to places they used to go.. acting happie when she have to see uu so happie with ur someone new.. getaway and leave silently out of ur life when she noe she dun bear to? and wadsoeva.. the more i think the more stupid i feel i am .. i will not let my heart cause so much misery again.. thats the reason .. but u dun understand.. u just got angry when u noe i cannot trust uu 100 percent

now uu noe hu is true to uu.. is it too late? i dunno...

Looks are decieving.. though ppl keep mistaking her as me and me as her.. and kept saying we looked alike.. but sth different is the way we feel for uu and our characters... there are many coincidence between us but the truth is i cannot even say goodbye but she can leave uu just like that..coz she found someone new or wadsoeva..

I gotta getaway..

Best Friends Do The Stupiest Things Together lolx

2006-05-25T20:20:00.000+08:00

Ello! well well time to update my bloggie again hehez
Humm okie let me tell uu all wad happen todae bahz

In the morning at 6 my daddy woke me up and want me to change clothes to go to school le.. I woke up and i changed my clothes le before i realise sth... todae is thursday!!! we start school at 8.30 on thurs so why i woke up so early huh??... diaoz so i told my dad see la i so early change clothes le nth to do..lolx .. i just on my computer and started listening to songs till its time for school

Min cannot meet us todae coz she wanna go to school later so the three of us went to school first before her.. guess she saw something she should not see... only can say why must they be so tou tou mo mo in the first place coz actually its pretty obvious the more they hide the more obvious they seems to be... and the more they hide the more hurt she feel..

Humm then after we went to school we just play and make noise in class lorx coz nth to do..till we got our report bk.. me and xin was damn noisy we kept singing and make funy actions and noises .. my results were.. humm ok la.. but dropped a lot.. as long as i tried i feel satisfied le ..

So we were dismissed at 1130 todae coz of the parents meeting session thingy.. the four of us went to chong pang to accompany linh to cut her hair at POPO hehez.. i love linh's hair.. beri silky and nice especially when she let down her hair.. her hair is naturally beri nice one coz she did not use chemicals that will spoil the hair..no straightening cream .. no hair dye no nth.. thats why her one is zi ran mei.. so envy lolx..

Before that we drank soya bean drink beri nice worx.. but me and min cannot finish it coz we bought the "CAO DA BAO" dou hua sui...

She got her hair cut within 30 mins then she got a vip cut also .. we then went to xin house.. to watch la pi xiao xin beri nice worx hahaz.. some parts were funny so we laughed like hell.. anyway we loved xiao xin hehez.. he's beri cute la lol

Then linh and i went home earlier coz she gotta meet him..

Linh and xin beri busy coz their phones kept ringing .. hahaz guess uu all shld guessed it why.. lolx ... see they way the smile will noe le.. but xin seems a little.. humm dunno how to say

Okie so i went home ma.. then just watched tv and green forest again ..

Now listening to music and i gotta go bath le hehez

Buaiz

Songs about JaNe

2006-05-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

hihi.. here i am again blogging..
Humm u all must be wondering why my tittle is songs about JaNe bahz.. well well because of a album by maroon five. The songs in the album was damn nice especially a song call " ThiS LoVe".. and " She'll Be Loved".. not bad not bad hahaz..

That day when we watched the performance outside esplanade there the band sang this song and i love it!! hahaz.. It was a free performance and we only got to know of it when we could not get a boat to Kusu Island..

Enjoyed the whole performance and the song was damn nice hahaz ... okie enough of the song le

Todae a usual we went to school then we went to the canteen to eat .. i mean the four of us .. ( as usual we always stick together de ma lolx ) then i ate a bun .. drank milo and suddenly someone tap my shoulder.. its him la then we just say hi and ask abt his injuries before i ask him to help me throw my plastic before the bell rang hahaz.. pai sei i lazy mahz lolx

Then the whole morning we sat in the hall for assembly to watch the speech day video and that reminds me abt working backstage with the rest.. mediatech friends.. hahaz .. the way we slack ..got anxious when theres a prob and not forgettting the part where mr tan suan miss tan continuously for three times wahahha.. ( bleah)

Then in the afternoon we were beri bored so the four of us sort of skipped lessons by walking round the school and we even become beri bold to sit down in the canteen.. saw him coz after his mock exam.. i was supposed to take the exam with them too but i choose not to coz i am not prepared mahz hahaz..

He suddenly walked to me and passed me a drink.. milo.. humm not bad coz i was thirsty at that time but cannot buy drinks coz we were supposed to be in class ... and the teachers were there so we were scared of being spotted by mr goh and some other teachers lolx

Thanks.. then he told me he gotta have chem remedial so asked me to go home first.. his teacher is mr la mei.. whom is my chemistry teacher as well.. he damn fierce de lor todae i kena said by him coz i looked sleepy in class.. then he call me to answer his questions on purpose ...

So the whole afternoon was beri boring and we even went behind the canteen there to tok to the drink stall uncle coz he started to tok to us and even show us our time table for june holidays.. haiz gotta go back school for abt a week.. better dun clash with my schedule to kusu or else.. heh heh i will skip lesson hahaz no la.. hope will not bahz..

After school we went to buy bubble tea and to eat some noodles at the hawker centre.. ( me and linh) .. then saw andrea walked past.. lolx.. he waved the same pattern as he did the last time.. like ghost lorx.. walk while waving in that kind of ... well dunno how to describe but he did it on purpose to irritate me la hahaz

So i went home after taht so here i am typing stuffs in my dear bloggie

I changed the blog song and blogskin le.. with the help of my brother hahaz.. thanks gor!!!.. okie i love the blog skin and the song too.. wow !!! Now exams are over results are out.. i did okay so at least i stil will get my 70 percent cert... though i did not really study so the results dropped ..

Now pretty relaxed till i feel liek watching GREEN FOREST again.. i like one of the phrases in the show... true love last forever the feeling will not just be lost all of a sudden .. unless its to the wrong person..

I love watching the show .. its beri nice ,romantic, heart warming and touching too.. love the characters in it too.. and the kids that acted in the show were so cute hahaz.. anyway really suggest this show to u all la coz u will not regret watching it..

For todae is joey's birthday.. Happie birthday my friend!! All the best to uu.. dunno if u wil read this but just feel that at least shld wish u goodluck or sth.. i also told him to remember to send his blessing no matter wad.. coz all in all.. they were once lovers... should at least contact as friends rather than be strangers like me and him in the past.. the feeling is terrible its like suddenly from close close..beri close frenz to enemies then worst still to strangers.. really dun feel good at that point of time haiz but anyway its over.. its the past so just let go le bahz.. trying to forget the sad memories and start afresh ..

All his swearing and promises though i noe will not really be fufilled but at least i felt comforted...

He said he regretted but like i said no point regretting what u have done so lets just look forward to the future.. you were sad i could not trust u a lot.. i tried to show how much i feel but guess u may not be able o understand the feeling of being insecure.. so many tears i have cried for uu.. a million tears for uu...

Heart changes and people changes as time goes by.. so even if the day comes that i have to let uu go.. i will just well let go like i did before.. it may be difficult but we have to someday.. besides nothing really last foreva.. and i long ago realise its just a illusion.. just that we often dunno wad is the ture meaning of love.. just mistooken it as a meaning of hugs kisses and wadsoeva.. i guess its more than that bahz .. its to put full trust on the person and to care of him .. to feel for him.. and to be concern abt him.. its hard to explain but overall when it ends uu will just feel that everything seems liek a dream.. to be awoken and wanting to getaway to a place where u can be redefine..

I hope to find a little peace of mind at times..away from everything..
In my dreams..

where everything can be so perfect .. but there is no such things as perfect in my dictionary coz.. i noe its impossible for tha to happen..

the broken hearts are slowly mending..
the frozen numb hearts are recovering
i start to feel
i start to learn to love
i hope to be a part of ur life again
somehow now i do

i said i will neber ever cling on uu ever ever ever again.. now i take back my words.. uu wanan me to cling on uu from now .. till the end of time..

i will if i could but now i just wanan play on the safe side so i dun get hurt again.. uu tried the feeling of being down .. hope uu will understand
.. moreva i have seen enough of things happening around me..my friends being sad .. crying almost everyday .. my relatives... dunno why is it coz guys are really heartless and can adapt to the environment beri fast.. thats why their heart also change beri fast? or they just go for looks or ?? i dunno.. but from wad i see.. yeah thats their natural character.. they are born like that wad can we do ..

Gerls often know they are being play or tricked or that their boyfriends are not true to them but gerls are always willing to do anything just to get wad they call love.. learnt from the talk in school...

But guys often think love is just physically being close and just by saying sweet words to make the gerls happie..

Gerls often know that so they sort of use their body to get love... haiz.. thats wad the instructor say.. and thats why lots of gerls got tricked and being dumped lata on..

then they show us the abortion video.. damn disgusting .. the babies were so tiny and so not developed .. eeeee.. then the doctor poked the babie and dump them like rubbish ... i see le also feel so.. u noe..

Okie la enough of my stuffs le.. just wanna say i dun wanna be anywhere here.. all i noe is that yesterday is gone right now i belong to this moment to my dreams.. dreams will come true if i am willing to work hard to achieve what i desire.. so i shall and i will.. hehez ..same goes to all of my friends too.. all the best kz!!!!! even if the exams u did not do too well.. still got next time so cry le must buke up and work hard .. okie hehez.. jia you worx.. hao la..

My brother wanna play online games le..

Maybe its fate that brings us back together.. cherish it or it will be gone that what my friends say too.. so.. buaiz buaiz

hehez

Love ya

Photos for my birthday

2006-05-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

I found someone to give my whole world to

2006-05-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

Ello.. yesterday i went out with him. He wore a green shirt and looked smart lolx. He said zhen ask him wear like that if he is goin out with me todae lolx coz i think zhen know that i like guys to wear shirt hehez

I wore my new black shirt i just bought a few days ago and he said i look nice *smile* thanks

Humm we had a great time yesterday. I feel comfortable with him around me. Felt so protected, its like as though i do not need to think of anything but just dun wanna be anywhere but here at that moment.

We wanted to head for kusu island at first so we went to Clarke Quay but somehow we walked the wrong way lolx as usual. But we did walked passed somewhere familer hehez. Somewhere we walked before beri beri beri long ago. Then we were stopped by a group of people playing the game "amazing race" they need to ask for money to get to their destination. We gave them some money and in return, the lady gave us a pair of paper-folded hearts and give us her blessings lolx. The whole thing sounds so funny coz the first thing the lady said was sorrie to disturbed the two of you. Its okay you did not disturbed us so no worries lolx.

OKie next stop, we walked back to the MRT station to take the train to City hall. We bought soya bean but this time round we were clever enough to not buy the soya bean ice cream muahahahhaha.. lolx... the drink was nice hehez..We walked to the clifford harbour there. While walking, we passed by some memorable places again. I just looked at him and smile guess he should know why i smiling bahz. Hope he did not forget.

We decided to faster our pace coz the sun is goin to set le we were still not even close to kusu island.. I told him its okay if we dun get there coz beri late le but he say dun be dishearted at least must try.. we then reached the clifford harbour but the uncle say all the boat move to marina south there le.. no more boats for now also .. haiz.. felt so disappointed coz i really really feel like goin there ..

I felt like giving up le but he keep saying must at least go find the place first so next time know where to go mahz.. so we started to run to the other end of the place. Guess people will think we are crazy or sth to run so fast in the middle of the road hahaz. just like the feeling of holding tight his hand to run beri beri beri fast .. through the crowd..but as long as we were happie i dun care how people think ..well i admit i am crazy anyway so hehez..

Dun have to be cool, dun have to be smart , dun have to be tough, dun have to cute, dun need to know all the thing everytime.. i just wanan be with ya.. i like to be around you ... just the way u are and be just hu i am..

We then finally reached the esplanade there but the uncle say to board the boat to kusu, we have to go to the new opened harbour i remember is sth like the marina south harbour or sth lolx.. we then decided to rest le... tired of walking so far so we sat at one of the rocks there.. the sun already set le sobx lolx...i wanted to lie down but then scared beri dirty and this is when his bag is my saviour hahaz.. i lied on his bag and he lie beside me.. we took some pics there.. and he told me he hope that time will just freeze there though it is not possible .. but thats what i felt too.. just wanna lie there and stare into
the stareless sky thinking abt stuffs and be there foreva.. just wanna be lost in the feeling standing there .. he say the clouds looked like a bear and the bear's smiling.. as though laughing at us.. lolx.. cute.. i could see the shape too...

We stayed there for quite a while coz we were both unwilling to move hahaz.. lazy .. and just feel like staying there bahz.. dunno why tears just keep brimming in my eyes when he said those things.. like this place seems to be a memorable place for us with lots of memories happy and sad.. with sweet memories and heart broken memories.. he say he will noe where to find me someday if i am gone.. he believed i would be there.. humm i guess so coz its the place i will want to be if i am down or sth.. he say he will find me no matter what even if i hide.. i should be happie hearing those words but somehow i dunno why i tried to control my tears but they just dun listen to me arhh lolx.. i looked like a cry baby haiz.. lolx.. he say probably because i am beri xing fu bahz.. and wiped away my tears .. yewzhen!!! cry no more i tell myself

We then head for the mrt station but i heard a song related to me neh.. hahaz.. a song name " song abt jane" hahaz.. so we stopped to watch the band's performance.. it was pretty nice and i enjoyed their whole performance.. at least it wasn;t a wasted trip there lolx..

We walked passed the place onthe day of count down.. the place we all watched the fireworls.. where his heart wasn;t with me though i really hope at that time that i was her.. he took me to walked back the same route ont he day but this time it wasn;t him and her.. but me and him.. there was a memorial there and he sat there.. swore to me that he will neber leave me again.. and he shot a photo there.. sth like a promise i guess.. thanks.. i dunno what is ur difinition of foreva but it is heart warming to know at least the foreva u say include that moment..

We then moved to the shopping centre and he bought ice cream for moi.. we shared the ice cream. The person beri funny he see two person but give us one spoon only lolx.. the chocolate ice cream was beri beri beri nice yum yum hahaz.. well so i finished that and left the cookie and cream for him hahaz ( bleah)

We walked around for a while to finish the ice cream so we can board the train.. and we walked the wrong direction again hahaz

Guess thats wad always happen to us bahz.. coz we both dun have sense of direction especially me lolx..

We then looked at the board and just picked a number so we can just head for the next destination .. then we ended up choosing to go to changi air port.. we ate burger king there and went to the viewing mall.. just sat beside each other and i thought i saw a corpse there hahaz.. coz the lady was inside the air port there then she slept under a white blanket and she was wearing socks.. scare me haha .. he say probably its fate bahz .. i dunno what will happen in the future but just dun wanna think too far..

We wanted to take the train back home so we walked down he escalator.. he held my hands so tight that it hurts a little so i asked him.. why he suddenly hold so tight....

In the end the last tain is gone and we asked the man where to take the bus home so we waited a tthe bus stop for 858.. for quite long i was pretty worried if there was still any bus .. while waiting he told me he was scared.. i asked him why.. .. .. ..

We took the bus .. we sat at the back and he told me if i wanna sleep i can close my eyes and rest he will wake me up later.. humm lets see in the end hoz he was the one wo fell asleep lorx.. hahaz.. i ended up callling him to wake up .. hahaz.. guess he is also tired le.. after all the running and walking ..

He told me he regretted the past.. but there is no point regretting.. hearts broken is neber gonna mend totally.. feelings lost will not come back totally ... trust gone will not be regain so fast suddenly .. u did not ever lose me i was the one hu lost ya once..

Theres a period of time i gave up totally.. no trust.. no care..no love.. no nothing.. just a cold heart..

Now that you are back.. everything changed.. probably that is wad they call.. u will only learn how to cherish the things around you only when u lose them bahz..

Just that whatever happie memories we once had will be also be the sad memories if everything is gonna to change once more .. bu tlike i say i will not regret all the decisions i have made.. coz thats what my heart tells me.. like zhen and min say.. just follow wad my heart wants.. no matter what .. i just like to be beside you.. you can take my breath away.. there you are standing infront of me..

Six months ago when i hear the song neber be replaced and all i need.. and lost without you.. .. i will cry because i am heart broken.. my heart's torn into pieces at that moment espeically when i walk home from work.. from thompson..

But now hearing the same old songs again they only remind me that what goes around comes around but only then people will know who is true to you.. its a stage everyone will have to undergo bahz.. even for friendships.. only in times of trouble and when you are on the verge of losing something beri important in your life then you will look back and realise there willl still be someone that will be willing to be always be there for you.. its your happiness... but we always tend to see the happiness around your friends but we always forget to look around the happiness around us.. we neber will know how fortunate we are to have someone you loved and who loves you by your side..

I still remember the golden bird and silver bird story.. the silver bird flew away because the farmer forgot abt the happie moments they once had.. and neglected the bird just coz he knew of a golden bird.. in the end the farmer realise ... the golden bird and the silver bird .. was the same ...

There is one in this world for everyone.. i may be gone .. you may have left me just like that .. but one thing i know for sure my feelings have neber been gone totally.. i rememebr me telling zhen i forced myself.. not to think of you.. not to think abt her.. not to have anything to relate you.. i am running away from reality ..i found myself and ran away from my own feelings.. though it works in the end but i am the one suffering... i learnt to face my feelings and to say things and do things i want to do with you.. i missed the chance 6 mths ago.. to tell you the words i kept in my heart.. i missed the chance 6 mths ago to go to kusu island with you.. i missed the chance to cherish everything i had..

I regretted not saying out..

Sometimes we should say things kept inside your heart before you realise its too late..

I think i beri naggy today hahaz.. lao le lao le.. hahaz

Okie!! All the best to my friends..

~ I love you.. i really do... ~

~ Here without you~

~ I dun think i can look this the same~
~ Disappear~
~ I am here without you.. i think about you and i dream about you all the time~

~No it isn't clear somehow you're standing here.. i know..~
~ I hope it gets better as we go~

~ The One Thing I Am Scared Of Is Losing Hold Of You..~

Okie.. thats all..
* smile*

Smile I am so happie todae

2006-05-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. went out to watch movie play arcade and to have steam boat woth a group of good friends ..

I felt like a princess todae hahaz not in the sense how i look or behave but in the sense that everyone is helping me do stuffs hahaz.. coz for example zhen early in the morning came over to help me dress up nicely and put on my make up so that i will look presentable hehez thanks!!! .. muacks hahaz.. coz she say i am her art work todae but guess i did not let her down coz he say beri nice lolx

Actually in the morning i was a little unhappy and in the afternoon too coz of some stuffs that suddenly pops up in my mind bahz but nth matters now as long as everyone's happie and have fun .. hope they do though we spent quite a lot of money

He paid for my steamboat meal hehez.. and like i say i am like a princess coz i dun even need to cook the food coz zhen ah and him keep helping me add food into my bowl so i dun even need to stand up hahaz.. i beri da pai ho lol..

Okie but i took too much food so we did not manage to finish everything and that we were damn full so zhen suggested me and him to go walk walk.. lolx we went to the places we walked before 8 mths ago bahz.. beri long le .. but this time round we did not get lost hahaz

We then meet them at the mrt station to go home..

I went to xin hse to get my present hehez.. cookies and bag.. hehez .. thanks to min,linh and xin!!!! Love ya lots hahaz..

And thansk for everyone.. jing hang, jasper,yong siang, qi wei,jun siang, douglas,wei xiong,chu ping ,andrea,allen,shi yuan,shimin,wei xin,linh,zhen and me!!! hahaz

Had a great time with uu all really hope uu all enjoyed urself too hehez

I realise he did not forget a single thing.. thanks for remembering

I love you forever..... its a promise that i will keep unless the day comes where i have to let uu go..for you.. uu swore infront of me under the stars... sounds childish but i am touched... thanks

Hehez anyway my birthdays over.. i am older by a yr le hahaz.. but then i really had a great time todae...thanks for accompany me so i did not have to spend a lonely birthday hehez.. thanks!!!!!!!

Muacks..

Glitters lolx

Yeah!!

2006-05-19T06:32:00.000+08:00

My friends say they got a feeling i will appear on tv one day.. but its not actor,singer but.... news reporter hahaz

Okie good morning ladies and gentlemen

I am yewzhen from the channel 5 "News On Five"

Well well today is 19 May

Its a special day because on this day a noisy, hype and irritating gerl is born on the beri special day

Last night at about 12 many people remembered her birthday and she was beri beri beri happie!!

Lets see the first to wish her happie birthday is Him

Second is Yong Zhen

Third is Ian

Follow by Wei xiong

Then by ShiMin

Next is Jessica

And Jamie

Just now Qi wei just wished her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

*smile*

Well well.. okie la i dun be lame le the her is no one else but me lorx
I really hope todae will be a fun day as i am quite excited now hehez
Hope everything will go smooth and everyone is happie then i will smile le

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

ToDae WiLL Be ThE BeSt DaY oF mY LiFe
yEw zHeN

I am soo happie!!!! muacks lolx

2006-05-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

elloha!! humm just went down to the playground to celebrate my early birthday with zhen , wei xiong and him. He bought roses for me but no more blue rose le lolx.. then zhen bought a beri "xiang" de perfume for moi then wei xiong bought a necklace for moi hehez.. thanks!!!

He bought a cake for me and its my favourite .. chocolate cake!! HEHEZ i am sooo hungry at that time and i saw......................................... THE CAKE!!! hahaz lolx.. i feel so xing fu.. hahaz

I LOVE YOU!!! lolx.. neber felt so touched before coz i noe he just got his pay and he still owe his mum money but he is willing to get my roses and cake for me.. and to go out with us tml.. so happie hehez

And wei xiong and yong zhen are tired after shopping and walking for the whole day but they still willing to come down and celebrate with moi.. i am so touched.. hehez so nice of them and so fortunate of me to know the three special friends...hehez

An dnot forgetting shimin they all i know they are goin to make sth for me.. let me guess probably sth to eat or??? hahaz.. tml i will noe... and by the way my birthday is beri beri beri beri close le

Just abt 9 more minutes!! Lets see who will be the first to message me hehez humm...

For now i sit down and wait first k.. then i blog again lata to tell uu all who message me first hahaz .. i feel so happie todae..

Tommorrow will be the best day of my life

2006-05-18T19:11:00.000+08:00

Hello!! Todae's 18th may which means that 5 hrs from now will be my birthday hehez!! Friends out there shld noe wad to do le hoz hahaz.. actually i dun mind the presents coz i feel that i got a lot of things le .. The people i am afraid to lose in the past is back in my life. The bestfriends around me like the three buddies - xin,linh and min and ofcorse not forgetting zhen. I knew friends i neber knew in the past. They were kind,humorous and fun .. like jing hang, jasper ( my papa in school ), yong siang, jason ect ect.. I even got to know better abt my seniors like jun and andrea hehez....

I got what i wanted long ago.. True friends and him. I believe my friends will be with me and joke around and have fun.. I hope tml will be a beri exciting and happie birthdae for me.. I am going to dress up nicely for once ahem lolx.. and to get ready to watch movie, eat steam boats and have fun with all my friends hehez.. I am getting more and more excited as the time goes by.. The thing i am afraid of is that they will not have fun.. i hope they can really be happie tml .. really.. if not .. if they juz accompany for the sake of coz is yewzhen de birthday muz pei her.. i rather stay at home and have a lonely birthday that day.. seriously...

I praying that tml everyone will smile and be happie to celebrate my birthday.. with me coz last year though i had a wonderful party venue.. i did not actually smile that day coz of some stuffs.. this year coz cannot possible have a party coz last yr spent too much money le.. and that i see my friends did not actually had a great time.. they seemed bored coz always sit and stand around the same area

Haiz. so this year maybe catching a movie and eating dinner together .. one whole gang.. probably at least have more chance to comunicate with one another and to ofcorse watch a movie they desire to watch since exams' over hehez

Humm.. my birthday wishes.. they say can have 3.. the second one cannot say hehez

1) I hope that everyone around me and me myself will stay happie no matter wad happens coz muz live to the fullest coz life is so short lolx

2) Cannot say hahaz

3) I hope that my parents and my brother and me will always be together. bonded hehez coz we are a FAMILY... and thay they can stay healthy and dun always quarrel lolx

As for presents.. humm didn;t thought of wad i would liek to recieve .. last year i told my friends i love pigs ...hehez all of them go buy piggy for me.. i have one whole row of pig family in my house now lolx .. they are cute but if i say i love pig this year also hoz.. then i think my house will be flodded with pig le hahaz

OKie la.. as long as everyone is happie tml .. no fighting.. no arguements and ppl crack jokes.. laugh it all night .. it is enough for me oz it wil n0t be a lonely birthday at least hehez

For my family think maybe at night i stay at home bahz hehez ..

OKie.. all i wanan say is tommorrow i gonna dress up mei mei de... for once and it will be The Best Day Of My Life!!!!

* smile*

" Happy Birthday to Zhang shou and Daphne too!"
All the best to you all..

We were born on the same day and year.. zhang shou even born in the same hospital with me hahaz.. beri coincidental that we will meet in the same school after 15 years isn't.. having someone u knew that has the same birthday as you lets uu feel that u are not alone .. and not the only one feeling happie that day.. coz they will be happie too..

Though we 3 are not close and have our own character different from each other, still feel that somehow its fate bahz

Maybe 10 yrs down the road will find even more friends or even bestfriends that is born on the same day as me so we could celebrate together hehez..

Okie!! I go check out the movie tickets thingy online le.. i wish all of u will have a great time.. and will smile always kz.. hehez

~ with love~
zHeN

In my dreams

2006-05-15T11:50:00.000+08:00

hihi.. these few days i fall in love with techno songs like groove coverage ect.. i find their songs pretty nice hehez.. asked wei xiong to send me but he busy de so i asked friends around to send me some of the songs first hehez

Humm these few days ah quite a lot happened lets start from sat ..

Saturday me and zhen and wei xiong went to AMK to study and then he working at nite so we did our homework till abt 7 i think .. we went to the near by coffee shop to eat .. wei xiong treat us steam boat.. lolx thanks.. humm it was quite nice but zhen say her stomach ache after that. i think maybe coz is fresh food then keep outside for quit long so not that clean le u see.. hahaz

We went back to the mac coz zhen die die also wanna let me see him coz she say or else hoz beri lang fei lolx

So we saw him .. he is wearing the ring *smile*

But the bad thing is i saw her mum and sisters there .. they were sort of shopping or sth. then i saw sarah.. diaoz.. then i think her mum saw me or sth she look over here with sarah and douglas's da jie.. coz they noe hu i am ..

Haiz..but nth much happen phew

Then .. we went home..

Sunday which is yesterdae i celebrated mothers day with my cousins and aunt and grandma.. bought a wallet for my mama.. my brother hoz scared lose face or sth.. say dun tell mama is he come with me to buy de ect ect.. ai yo gor ah .. hahaz

Then he say even i got dengue now he also will not come and visit me .. go and die la wei wei.. i got go see uu that time lorx.. i can go out with friends de neh then i te di go visit uu.. i so wei da.. u leh .. like that say haiz..ai yoyo dun care abt u liaoz .. blah

Okie.. then as i say i bought a wallet for my mama then she beri happie lorx.. zhe hai yong shuo meh... hahaz..

Then i slept quite early yesterday.. he got headache hope he's alright le bahz just now see him cycling then he look pretty cheerful and healthy le hahaz

Anyway take care my friend.. !!

~ muacks ~ ( ahem dun vomit leh.. hahaz)

Yawn

2006-05-13T01:43:00.000+08:00

I haben sleep yet hehez

Yawn but goin to ..

Nitez

Wanna reach out to ur heart.. u're the one in the world for me

2006-05-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

Hi dere . just came by to wish my daddy a beri HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I LOVE UU MUACKS hahaz..

But dun forget exactly one week later my birhtday also coming le neh hehez.. ( friends out there noe wad to do le hoz ) hahaz juz kidding la

Okay .. hehez thats all i gotta say tell uu all more stuffs tml kz hehez bb

OnE iN ThiS wOrLd

2006-05-12T09:20:00.000+08:00

hi dere.. yesterday i found a song from The Cinderella Story soundtrack - " One in this world" It is beri nice and i am starting to love the song.. I found iother sound tracks from the movie too and i think the whole movie was interesting and in addition to that, the music they used were nice and soothing too hehez

Well yesterday i sat for my chemistry paper but it was damn difficult i almost cried when i was stuck at a lot of questionas i looked around everyone were sweating, frowning ect ect i felt like wanting to give up the whole paper and just sit there and stare into the blank space but in the end i thought that cry also no use i will be the one who will fail the exam .. even fail also cannot score too low so i just tried to complete the questions even though i was unsure coz it is better than leaving so many blanks haiz

Never mind abt my chemistry le coz wads done is donw haiz sianz .. the paper was so difficult lorx who ask the two teachers of s1 and s2 set the paper together diaoz .. sure high standard since mr ramesh and mrs lee set the paper coz mr ramesh ahz.. haiz dun wanan say la.. but i misss miss zainah coz she is beri helpful and willing to be patient and teach us slowly mr ramesh always like to rush .. and seriously i think that mr ramesh teach like neber teach liek that .. he like suddenly haben teach finish the chapter or just go through a little, the next day wil have test le.. he always waste time during the lesson to scold ppl then in the end almost everytime before the tes then he last min want to rush through the chapter de.. miss zainah's teaching method is more detail and she have more patience.. haiz kinda miss her coz after exams she will no longer be in the school le heard that she goin to another school

Humm for yesterday zhen and i went out together to settle her legal documents needed for her to renew her passport .. the whole trip there were pretty fun and in the sense funny .. think she shld noe wad i meaning coz the sort of lawyer always interupt her when she wanna say sth.. then her face was like showing 5 words

" Can you let me talk??" lolx

Coz the way she look ahz .. looks like she's goin to shout anytime hahaz. the lawyer pretty naggy sia.. and then the certified document cost 60 dollars just for the lawyer's signature and the chop sia.. so expensive.. then hoz the words on the document was damn chim.. like wad i hereby declare sth... ect ect.. then wad under the law no. 211 or sth , if she lied or wad then will be taken as breaking the law bahz or sth like that.. i saw some books on the lawyer's desk and got wad law book or sth and also got psycology book .. diaoz beri thick lorz its like abt 3 times the size of our chemistry textbook ... really.. then i was like wad the hell if ask me just read through or even flip through the book i alreadi will doze off .. not to mention to read everything and memorise all the laws ect ect...

After making the document , me and zhen went ot amk mac coz he working then he ask us go find him .. then we went there lolx.. he kept coming out and smile at us then we smile back lorx lolx.. he even so helpful go help a old lady get her oders to her table there.. humm not bad not bad .. hahaz then me and zhen ate our dinner there before we went to northpoint to shop a while and to get her specs back

Then she came to my house and we watched the eight thirty and nine o clock chinese show .. chatted a while and she went home..

Then at night over 12 le he still working diaoz .. he promise will be here by 12 in the end haiz hahaz.. then he called from amk ( scare me at first thought manager asking me go work sia hahaz) 11th may
In the end went down the playground there got a cat .. then beri cute.. but the cat hoz beri hap qi de.. i think its a she bahz .. maybe hahaz.. then she keep looking at us and slowly walk to the bridge here and lie on my lap.. lolx.. beri itchy hehez.. then he passed me a box then the cat saw the at kept wanted to bite the tiny box.. then he lure the cat away but in the end the cat walk back again lolx.. then lie on my hand bag.. and even put its tail on my lap!! .. then it move here move there.. damn itchy .. hahaz .. then it become beri guai liaoz.. coz it went back to the original place it was and slept there.. lazy cat.. kept sleeping only hahaz

Okay then we went home.. every month .. next year humm maybe

OKie now i beri tired leh but cannot sleep coz i just ate my breakfast later sleep le will become even more fat ..ahh lolx

K la .. i go rest le .. buaiz buaiz

~I've been searching for
A heart that needs a heart like mine

I've been reaching for
A hand that understands
I've been waiting for
Someone that I can love

That loves me
Loves me for the one that I am
Someone to hold me when I'm lonley
Someone to keep the rain away

They say
They say

There's one in this world for everyone

One heart
One soul to walk besides you
One in this life to share your love

One touch
To touch the heart inside you

Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with your life
That's what I believe You're the one

The one in this world for me I've been praying that
Someone like you would rescue me

I've been hoping that I'll find my way to you

I've been dreaming that
Someday I'll finally find somebody
Somebody to make my dreams come true! ~

Dun wanna love you when uu dun love me.. dun wanna need uu if you dun need me too

2006-05-11T12:01:00.000+08:00

Zhen sent me a song beri nice "gotta tell you"

These few days i am busy revising for my examinations but me and zhen always went out to study too. Sometimes wei xiong and douglas and jun sian came along too and we had a great time chatting and ofcorse chatting too hehez

Well yesterday zhen need to go hm to get something and to find some important document so me and wei xiong waited for her under her block and chatted abt some of my past and his past examples.. memorable places ahz , the most funniest time and ect.. I told him abt the time ppl thought i am a Malay just when me and him were touching on the topic of me looking not like chinese or sth like that. and the part we lost our way hahaz till we walked to raffles place ahz to singapore river and..eating the soya bean ice cream.. it taste like.. humm dunno how to describe only know he help me finish it in the end lolx

Wx say when i tok abt them i was smiling brightly .. true bahz i am happie at that time i really cannot go back to be the yewzhen who can put a lot of trust on the person and the one giving in and to fu chu all the time .. I had enough so i guess i will not fall too deep anymore.. still half trust half suspicious like that bahz

No matter how much sweet talk and how u try to explain whats done is done .. i cannot take it as though nth happen i wanted to start afresh .. forget abt the changing and sad part .. u want me to know uu again . starting from the part where i dun even noe hu u r.. but it is not easy i will try but maybe not..

I will tell you this is where uu belong

Dun wanna love uu when uu dun love me
Dun wanna need you when uu dun need me too

So.. i will shun qi zi ran

Feelings are there but not as much .. uu moved me with those words on that night but it wouldn't be right..somehow now i noe.. neber trust a person too much and neber fall too deep its hard to get out..

Sorrie if i cannot be back to the zhen uu noe.. exactly a year ago coz todae is 11th may
Sorry if i cannot love uu like the way i do in the past
Sorry if i cannot trust uu a lot alot alot like i did in the past
Sorry is i am not too concern abt uu now
Sorry for me changing

But u were the one hu made those changes .. i am just playing on the safe side so i dun get hurt..

We are starting afresh from this day.. the day a yr ago when it all started but i really cannot take it if the history i gonna repeat again .. your eyes they sparkled thats all changed into lies that drop like acid rain .. so i no longer can look into those eyes with total trust

Forgive me for my weaknesses but there is no such thing as a beautiful goodbye
Its neber enough no matter how many times uu try to tell me this is love

If tomorrow neber comes i wanna tell uu that i gonna love uu like its a last night

Its true but its just a song lyrics hahaz

Okie now time for me to go use computer lorx hahahaha

K la eleventh may..

Confused

2006-05-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

What do i wanna.. i dunno

Why did it all have to happen
Why did it all have to end

My friends around me told me i am just a replacement
I know..

Am i a subsitude

I am gone ... to look for someone to live for in this world

But it seems like everythings is repeating

11th May..

Tommorrow is the day will you remember it..

You made me realise deep inside .. its empty

Dun wanna love you if uu dun love me
Dun wanna need you if u dun need me too
DUn wanna tell you ...

Everytime i think u're gone u show up in my rear view mirror

You want me to forget everything and start afresh when i dun even know you.. its not easy..

It dun come easy to be who i am back again
I told uu i am no longer the one uu know a yr ago..

I may seem happie and cheerful but deep inside u neber know how i ever feel

Coz i really wanan be with you but not when u're mind is still in a mess

You threw away her "heart".. but it doesn;t mean that everything will be forgotten

You asked me if i was still angry

I neber been angry before just disappointed

Telling me its you...

It wouldn;t be right if we are replaying history

What if i..

Something i didn't say is that i no longer have the special feeling we are both happie the past few days but somehow u jus dun understand my feelings are mixed.. happie..sad..heartache .. i dunno what the hell i am doing..

I just wanna be hu i am now.. in my own life.. not till u noe ur stand.. not till the day we will be frank to each other

My friend's angry with me i guess.. sry.. but i really didn;t meant to make uu feel that... i didn;t have the thought of making u....

nvm.. jus wanna say hope u really have forgot everything

Where did i go right..

2006-05-08T10:52:00.000+08:00

Todae is my social studies paper and i beri stupid i go do all the questions when i am suppose to choose just one oif it.. diaoz.. but its okay coz luckily i manage to almost complete everything so think will have the mark for the points bahz hehez

The past few days me wx and zhen kept going out to study and to play.. kinda relaxed but stress when i reached home.. On sat douglas came to look for us after his dinner with his parents and he treat us dessert .. thanks lolx .. Then we took a bus home and went separate ways from wx and zhen .. wx send her home and he sent me home but he seems so rude when i talk to him lolx .. but he manage to ask me jia you for my exams so its better than nth

Then on sunday me wx and zhen went to KBOX to sing our hearts out hahaz then it was pretty fun but he could not come coz his mum and he got tution at one .. me and zhen sing till beri shuang but wei xiong was damn hungry and looked so sian there so we accompany him to eat his satay beehoon after that ( it look like some sort of thing think zhen noe what i meant lolx )

I took out my contacts and threw it away while we walked to the bus stop coz i realise expire a few days le so i took them out lorx or else not healthy hahaz.. later my eyes will have a lack of oxygen ( thats what they say )

On the bus i felt like sleeping and so was yong zhen but then wei ixong after eating dunno why become he damn hype liaoz kept asking us IQ questions .. i managed to answer one of it but the other abt the siccors paper stone de beri lame.. diaoz ... hahaz

Overall it was fun and i walked home .. listening to gone..

Then we message each other to be frank to each other and we manage to come to terms of giving each other more time.. so thats all i can say for now coz i need to go out ..hehe bb

Time heals everything thats what they say

2006-05-05T21:35:00.000+08:00

hi dere.. todae i went round to find the physics text bk.. zhen sry i really didn;t meant it.. but i went to lots of places to find still cannot find.. i went to junction 8.. he helped me went round yishun and cycle to woodlands and sembawang but they say they changing syllabus le..

Haiz i trying to find it.. hope can find it ... i am sry zhen. but i will try to get it at thompson plazza they store say maybe have. phew..

Then i walked to sembawang coz beri bored to sit there and wait.. got a gang under the block and kept making those irritating noice and when they smoke i walked away.. towards sembawang.. then my friend cycle me home.. it was pretty fast but dangerous coz my friend ride damn fast till i have to pray that i dun fall down lolx.. then we went to eat at kfc b4 i came hm.. haiz ..

well now i am beri sleepy juz feel like sleeping yawn...

Kk i go rest le buaiz

Stress.. chinese paper todae and we are late!! lolx

2006-05-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

Today's my hmt paper one .. stress haiz.. when we reach there we dun even noe where is the exam room then we kept walking round and round the school till we find our teacher.. haiz.. we were late for 15 mins and when we went into the classroom, they alreadi started to do their paper le..

At first when i saw the question, i felt like giving up coz it was pretty difficult for all the question. It is difficult to choose a ques that is easy to do so i hesitated for abt 10 mins before i write sth on my paper.. The worst thing is i dun even noe how mych time i have left coz i did not have a watch with me and the classroom did not have a clock.. wth .. so i were like peeping at the invigilator's watch when he walked past me.. then when he say i left with 15 mins, my compo is still half done felt like crying at that moment but then i noe cry also no use so i juz tried to end it once i completed my points .. i ended it in quite a happy ending and unexpected way.,,

Yesterday i went to northpoint to buy some food with my three buddies .. then we went back to katib .. my house.. to eat our lunch and to blast music.. they asked me to dance coz they noe the way i release my stress and anger or other emotions through dancing.. then they were look at me and they keep urging me to continue wheneva i stop.. i beri pai sei coz its been sometime since i perform on stage let alone at hm for friends to see.. then we had a great time chatting..

Then i went out with wei xiong and zhen to woodlands.. we shoped and ate the KFC family meal till we were damn full lolx.. then we sat at the playground to have a talk and to rest there before we came home.. they wanted me to cry it out but i already told myself neber gonna cry for him since six mths ago though it was broken two days ago but now i start counting again.. neber gonna cry and go back to him.. thats the truth its over..

Wei xiong say maybe shld give each other a chance and zhen say juz ask him wad exactly he wanna or sth?
So i asked and he say i was the one hu say i dun wanan be hurt again and so he sort of juz doin wad i wanna.. we were neber ever frank to each other so thats why it all ended no point goin back to the past. we shld look ahead into the future instead of keep thinking abt the past and live in ur own dream world..

So wad i told him was ect.. thats over.. friends foreva .....*smile*

My birthday is coming and it was declared as a school holiday todae..
You know sth.. i dunno wad i am thinking.. i just wanan go out with a group of friends to ave fun all day till night and to laugh out loud the whole day but somehow no one seems to bother.. it is a ordinary day .. for u and for me..
I also haben decide where to go.. anyway maybe that day i go missing bah go hide somewhere and be alone at some sort of island.. kusu island or sth.. haahz not bad.. then go there and shout it out.. lolx

I am so tired.. feel like sleeping.. haiz..

Promises are not meant to be broken and we were neber ever frank to each other... let it come to an end.. ourstory91 had long ago ended maybe i shld change my blog address or sth.. humm not a bad idea hahaz..
Stop showing up at my rearview mirror wheneva i think u're gone..
I just want to find someone to live for in this world but it isn't you..

Life goes on .. no matter wad reason u give urself the one thing u scared of is neber to lose hold of me. coz if it is u already scare urself... coz u are replaced and u will...be ..somehow

FRENS FOREVA!!!

Haiz.. sianz

2006-05-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

Humm.. now jamie and i are listening to music hehez coz we run away from school hehez no la coz we neber take chinese paper mahz hehez..

Juz now went to school for assembly coz dun wanna stay at home but in the end we were bored like hell juz now.. then alex came to sat beside us while me and jamie sleep lolx.. coz we were beri tired and got nth to do.. we sang the song " Neber Be Replaced' in the school and we pretended to be studying when teachers or someone walk past us hehez.. it was pretty fun to keep singing the song coz it makes me think of certain stuffs.. and for jamie too hehez...

She and i also sang the song super woman .. the one zhi yang sang at the campus superstar hehez.. it rocks !!.. now i realise got english version de .. neber knew that.. Lets see.. now we are listening to some old songs of sun yan zi.. think my brother will love to be here as well.. he is a yan zi freak!!! hahaz.. okie later i also dunno where i am goin think will go out with zhen bahz ... haiz lata i goin to school now finding the song " zhi ying wei ni".. cannot find sia.. haiz ..

Okie thats all lata i go hm then i update kk.. buaiz

GoodLuck!!!

Last Night On Earth

2006-05-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

Life goes on

2006-05-01T16:21:00.000+08:00

Back to reality.. exams.. lolx

Tomorrow is my english paper but i am still slacking here.. just now went to eat buffet with my cousins we had a great time hahaz.. and i ate till my stomach gonna burst liaoz coz i ate breakfast with linh and soon after have to eat all the delicious food later on at the buffet.. yummy hahaz

Well today i did not really do anything or practice my english coz i beri tired juz feel like sleeping hahaz

Waiting for my exams to be over... waiting for my birthday and i can celebrate it happily with my buddies and frenz.. humm we plan to catch a movie or sth first then goin to picnic at sentosa.. hehez .. i feel that i really look forward for my birthday this year.. coz i seems to have know many new friends .. so if they can make it i think i have many ppl around me to help me celebrate hehez.. *smile*

Oh ya actually the last two days we went jogging with qi wei jasper jing hang .. allen ..min and linh ... pretty fun ...

We ran to north point then to sembawang hahaz ppl muz think that we are mad but its fun .. lolx

K la now i go rest le i update tml or sth hehe bb

Why did you have to show up at my rear view mirror everytime i think u're gone

2006-04-30T08:08:00.000+08:00

Hi.. just to say.. this is written just to express my feelings coz i am barely hanging on.. i kept too many things in my heart.. it may be boring .. so sry..

Yesterday night we went back to the starting point and the place we used to be. Many of my friends will know where it is. Somehow i know what promise he wanted to fufil and keep now i just dun wanna to admit coz it is juz isn't clear somehow he is standing here but I just wanna hide away. I found myself last night. I Found myself but i just wanna run away. I don't deny i still remember the memories when u talked abt them and I dun deny i still miss you at times when i pass by certain places and thought of the days you spent with me and giving up your rank and the things you did for me though like you say somethings u kept in ur heart its passive.. I cannot see what you have done for me but all i know is that you walk out of my life.. and now u wanna me back .. i asked uu last night what exactly uu treat me as... and uu told me abt the last promise on 11th november.. u say u will keep it .. but ..I already made my choice sorry.

When I am down and i needed u the most,you weren't there for me. All i know is that yesterday is gone and right now i belong to this moment to my dreams , the world without you.. I am used to my life now without you why did you have to come back.. I am not afraid of what will be facing before us the way people may think abt us .. ur parents .. my friends .. your friends but it only matters how true you are.. be true to yourself and follow your heart.. but i just want to say i am gone.. to look for someone to live for in this world but it isn't you.. no matter what happens i noe i am stubbon but i just want to be alone even if i need someone to be always be there for me. The person will not be you. Its too late.. I see the train leaving.. how did you get here? Why must you always be the one who made me feel , to made me laugh but the one who make me sad .. I always forget where i am going.. There you are waiting.. something is wrong.. its no longer the same for me.

Makes no sense to me. No it isn't clear somehow u're standing here. Something gets to me its like nothing is wrong but i just dun wanna get hurt again.. Just let me be who i am now. I love you.no more.i guess..

I stared at the stars yesterday and you're wondering what i was thinking. You asked me which promise u broke. the one thing i scared of is losing hold of you. its broken....
I love you and i'll neber let you go... its broken
You wanna be with me foreva.. its broken
Reason ... its broken
The ones you kept no longer makes me happie .. u wanted to carry out the promise on my birthday i noe what uu wanna do.. i am just acting dumb..

I can neber look at all these the same..

I am here without you.. but you'll always be in my memories .. and i promise.. you'll be in my heart but it will just be a part of.. memories.. dun make me swing my heart again.. the traffic in my brain's driving me insane.. this is more than i can take already.. I am hu i am six months ago but the only thing that i changed is the way i look at things and my heart. Its numb and cold i no longer feel anything .. wad goes around comes around.. you shld noe by now.. u wanted me to wait till the day but is not that i dun wanan wait.. its that i am afraid to wait.. have been such a fool .. i dun wanna the feeling of heartache and heart broken again.. i rather u break my heart now ... but u already did six mths ago..

Now i only noe.. only i can make myself happie.. I am leaving but u're arriving.. it will just be a detour.. just walking around in a circle.. so goodbye..

Thats all.. sry i guess many of uu will say wth.. so bored. but i just dun wanna keep what i wanan say .. sometimes if u keep things in ur heart.. it will be too late to say when u wanna say it loud..

I know i can be a little stubbon sometimes..
I thought i had all the answers , neber giving in
But since u're gone.. i noe i was wrong
All i know is that i am lost without you , I'm not goin to lie
How my ever goin to be strong without uu i need uu by my side...
If we ever say we'll neber be together and we ended up with goodbye dunno wad i'll do..
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way .. I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day .. I'm, lost without you
If i could hold you now.. make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears meandering down my face..

Thats the song uu left me.. thats the song i thought of when i run to amk .. when i go and return from work from thompson.. the days when i am stuggling to forget everything.. but its a new begining for me.. and so it is to uu..

All the best

~ yEw zHeN~

Reason Is You'll Neber Be Replaced

2006-04-30T08:02:00.000+08:00

Every time I look up into the tear-filled sky,
A fickle wave of blue binds my chest.

If it's destiny, I will leave behind the days
That I've fought till the end of sorrow.

Life Goes On, passionately.
As long as I am alive,
Even if I were to lose sight of my real self,
Life Goes On, I want to protect it.
My heart was shattered,
And in these eyes that have seen true sorrow,
Love is overflowing.

For what and for who
Do you continue to fight for now?

If we unknowing meet again,I don't want to lose you a second time, but I can feel your heart in motion, deep down in your mind and passion.
Life goes on and on, we love each other in the sadness of time.

As long as I am alive,I want to share this light with you again someday.Life Goes On, I want to protect it.Send your prayers towards the sky.In these eyes that have seen true sorrow,Love is overflowing.

The further we are apart, the nearer I feel you are.
Even my loneliness turns into strength... when I think of you.

In a time where streets, people and dreams change,
I could only oppose them.
I still did not realize,
That there are things that can't be conveyed even with words.

My lost dreams of wanting to hold you by my side,
For them, you said, "Don't give up!"

In the days without you, I've stopped moving.
But now I am walking out of here.
All the coincidences we shared, certainly
They all have their meanings.

When our dreams comes true one by one, and we meet again,
The coincidences become destiny.

If even the torn promises can change into vows,Can we also change back to the two of us from the time we met at that place?

I can see with my eyes closed, I know you are here without our hands touching.

I am barely hanging on..

2006-04-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

Ello.. humm today's lesson is pretty boring lolx... i couldn't solve the maths ques and the chemistry equations so i cry .. sound a little stupid for me .. coz yong siang saw and zhang shou go tell miss zainah .. diaoz.. but actually also nth much juz that felt a little stress and upset.. like every subject also dunno how to do the homework.. physics..chemistry and additional maths.. haiz but thanks to min coz she teach me how to do the chemistry thingy hehez.. thanks..

Humm me now at min house coz i no key to go home.. my brother will sure say not again lolx.. haiz .. but not bad coz i manage to complete a exercise of maths here.. hahaz coz i left one ques onli hahaz.. humm .. well now min's doin her work and we are listening to music now hehez..

Happie that i still have my friends by my side.. i dun need him and i dun wanna him in my life no more.. and the someone special i told him is not referring to him lorx.. he so bu yao lian dotz..

Ok.. thanks everyone for being there for me.. i mean my frenz ofcourse hehe

Kk now i go do my work le kz.. exams coming haiz.. jia you hehe

Goodbye My Lover .. Goodbye my dreams.. Miracles dun always happen coz me and uu its over..

2006-04-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

Ello..

Last night i slept till beri shuang coz from 4 sleep till 9 when my friend call me then from 10 sleep till early in the ..morning.. lolx

Todae right nothing happen .. just that in school have to bring thermometer and miss soh de bag around her waist knock onto xin's head and me and valentine were laughing out loud hahaz.. Yesterdae onli got to know a few things but just that miracles dun always happen so forget abt everything every promises uu made makes no sense to me now.. i dun mind if u break another one of it.. coz i no longer have faith in uu.. uu say u will break promises onli for those u cannot fufil it.. then i wanan tell u sth.. if u dun think u can fufil it then dun make the promise to let me have the feeling of being decieved now.. u say i will noe when time comes and u will keep the promise .. the beri one.. i have the idea what it is.. and i noe beri well which promises uu broke and which uu kept its just that i once tried to make my self forget abt everything coz now i onli can recall some of it.. but i noe which one u are referring to its juz that i act dumb to ask uu to let go of everything and juz forget everything both of us say before. coz i dun wanan rememeber so juz leave me alone and let me forget every little thing day by day.. i am stubbon i admit.. linh say sometimes stubbon isn;t a good thing but min admires me for being so firm.. but thats who i am.. once over its over.. it will juz be a detour if i keep thinking of him whenever he show up at my rear view mirror .. everytime i think he's gone.. i cannot keep coming back to him whenever he is in a good mood to whisper sth sweet in my ear.. i learnt to play on the safe side so i dun get hurt so i rather we both keep a distance..

I am here without you.. The one thing i am scared of is uu coming back now.. A thousand miles have made me colder and i dun think i can look at all these the same anymore.. I think about uu and i dream about uu somehow in the beginning but now.. even the chocolates the song reason.. scared.. neber be replaced.. dun make me feel anything anymore.. no more.. its over alreadi.. i onli hope we both juz rememebre the happie memories.. coz i alreadi forget most of the things .. and i dun need uu to remind me of any one of it coz i hate uu..

I have feel enough for uu.. being loved.. being lost in the feeling .. being sad.. happie.. excited.. down.. anxious.. wadsoeva.. uu are the one hu made me feel once before.. but its ONCE BEFORE.. dun treat me as a subsitude coming back to me and getting close to me whenever uu are in the mood..

I have seen enough.. the friends around me having to cry over a person and being heartbroken.. and seen myself that way before.. i had enough.. the traffic in my brains driving me insane. this is more than i can take

I juz wanna go to a place where i can be redefined and u're out of mind .. well there isn't a need also hahaz

Kz.. anyway one word.. NEBER ..
Dun make me hate uu foreva.. goodbye my friend foreva like i say

So.. now its time to say bye bye.. hehez coz i wanna rest le type so many craps hand also suan liaoz hehez

K la.. bye bye

yesterdae is gone

2006-04-26T15:39:00.000+08:00

Just another smooth day for me...

Believe I will do well for my chinese

I am scared

And lost on the feeling standing here

It seems that everyone's leaving

True friends are onli the ones hu will be by ur side willing to listen to uu when u're down

If i ever need someone to come along

I know..

He may be there....

But hu's the he...

I dunno.. it seems like i am arriving coz everyone's leaving

I no longer feel for things i used to love and like a lot in the past

I found myself todae...

Something pull me back

Voice of reasons i forgot i had

All i noe is that u're not here to say...

To cheer me up..

No one will come along

Nobody noes hu i really am.. i neber felt this empty before

I see the ray of light

Its shinning all the time on my destiny

I will not be afraid to follow everywhere it takes for me...

All i noe is that yesterdae is gone.. right now i belong here...

SOmetimes don't judge sth from the appearance..

Learn to see things using ur heart.. feel .. hu is true to uu.. hu is juz faking it out

In the past the betrayal of friends and ppl makin use of the old me.. i had enough

I opened my eyes..

Seen through all..

Love ia also nth but juz a word

Until its proven

Love is juz a big illusion as one tries to forgot

I am always too late.. i see the train leaving

I am always laughing

When its not cool to smile

Somehow i keep missing

But how did u get here??

Why must uu show up inmy rear view mirror everytime i think u're gone

I dunno how i did but somehow now i did .. forgot where i'm goin

I am arriving coz everyone's leaving.. there u are waiting

Nothings gonna change my love for uuu

The one thing i scared of is losing hold of uu

Baby i love uu and i will neber let uu go

Makes no sense to me.. no it isn;t clear.. somehow u're standing here

Something gets to me .. its like nth is wrong.. but i blame myself for hating uu

Sry.. its over..

I dunno how i did.. but somehow now i do..

Bye

Now I found my true love u'll neber fool me again

2006-04-25T16:57:00.000+08:00

Hello.. I just came back from school coz we got the maths remedial for coordinate geometry. And i finished my english composition le just left a functional writting hehez.. Today's kinda enriching and i learnt lots of things from the speech given by Doctor William Tan.. Though he did took up most of our time and is a bit draggy at times but we all noe what he;s trying to tell us.. NEVER GIVE UP>>>

No matter what goes wrong.. I'll be strong

I should not give up in my studies too though i did not do as well as i did in the past but i'll try .. So lata i gonna read a chinese novel .. the stories are nice .. linh agree with me too.. at first i thought the words are a little chim but as i continue to read on.. I loved that book!! hahaz

I like a phrase from inside saying " shi qu de dong si bu yi ding zhua de hui lai "... and lots more phrases from all the short stories.. The ending are very touching or sometimes its rather scary coz there's a story on ghost but its a heart warming story coz the ghost is back not to harm ppl but to take care of her relative who is dying.. she will stand by him silently from a distance to make sure he's sleeping soundly

Later on i gonna continue reading the book hehez.. then i have to sort my maths file for checking tml.. then i'll do my functional writting..humm.. then i'll do some cinese practises and my english compre.. haiz seems like i have so many things undone lolx

Todae i am quite angry with mr ramesh coz of the punishment .. he purposely go away or wad.. i run le have to run again till todae.. i think tml i ran le he will say the same thing also wth!!.. hack le la i tml not goin to find him he wanan then i do during PE lorx.. i do le so many times he still like tat .. coz i forget to bring my PE shirt on monday.. i am suppose to run 3 rounds now i ran 6 round coz he neber see me run.. then todae i run le go find him then he go off.. then i think tml i still got to run bahz.. felt so angry till i almost feel like shouting lorx.. call ppl do infront of him then he go off then say i neber run!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Kk.. i go do my stuffs le.. hehez

Buaiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!